The Lies We Live With
by KFGoodyear
Summary: When she needs his faith the most, he fails her. Second chances can be beautiful things, but will it all be destroyed by the painful secret she keeps? Drabble.
1. Chapter 1

**-1-**

**Feb 21 2002**

Bella bolted to the bathroom, her nerves and guilt so overbearing that she purged them in the only ways she could.

Once she had emptied her stomach, she returned to bed, curled into a ball, and cried late into the night.

Watching her husband lie sleeping soundly beside her, she let the pain that consumed her slowly surface, not completely, never completely, just enough to ease her guilt and relieve her ever aching chest.

She knew she deserved every ounce of the pain that radiated throughout her barren body.

In fact, she deserved so much more.

After what she had done, what she still hid, she deserved so very much more.

And now, with her diagnosis, she knew she had no choice. She had to tell the man she desperately loved that she had literally gave away their only chance to ever have children.

A/N

Hey, I'm here. Trying. FF and life have been rough. I'm going to try the best I can to make this work. I miss you all so effing much and hope some of my lovely readers find me again.

Can't wait to hear from you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Episode # 1**

**-TLWLW-**

**-2-**

**7 years earlier**

"This summer is going to be great, Bella. You'll see. Smile. Live a little, for fuck sakes. You're only eighteen once."

Bella tried to smile. She knew she should be happy; her friends all were. But how could she be, not when the love of her life was leaving her in just over two months.

Come August, Edward would be leaving, and she would be staying behind, attending Peninsula College so she could study to be a nurse which would enable her to have some sort of career while staying at home to take care of her dad.

Sure, it wasn't like they were breaking up or anything. Edward had promised to stay in touch, Skype, talk on the phone as often as possible, and come home whenever his schedule would allow, but it wouldn't be the same, and she knew it.

He would be thousands of miles away, partying, seeing knew things, and just living. Not to mention all of the new girls that would be just dying to get a piece of him.

She loved Edward and knew he loved her. She just wasn't sure their young love was strong enough to withstand all the miles and all the time apart. Love wasn't always enough.


	3. Chapter 3

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -3-**

The crowd cheered. Bella and her best friend, Alice, jumped and cheered right along with them. It was almost as if everything was just as it should be, but it wasn't. They were at a parting game of sorts, one last hurrah, if you will, for the Forks High football team's graduating seniors. This was it. There would be no more cheering on her boyfriend as he slammed through giant, sweaty men. No more after parties. No more making out under the stadium benches as a way to show him how much she adored him, not to mention how much seeing him out there, on the field, turned her on.

The only thing Bella could be sure of in her topsy-turvy world was him, and tonight she wouldn't let the weight of their slowly separating worlds get to her; tonight, she had every intention of enjoying her time with him as much as she could, while she could.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -4-**

Bella moaned as Edward entered her, her thought process muddled and consumed with him, the way he moved within her, the way he groaned out her name as he slammed into her, over and over again.

"Fuck, baby, you feel so damn good around me."

He peppered her face with soft kisses as he slowed to long languid thrusts, and Bella knew she was there, falling. Her legs clenched, along with the rest of her body, and she clung to him for dear life as she rode off on the euphoric feeling he always drew from deep within her, and she wasn't just referring to the mind blowing orgasm. No, it was so much more than that. A connection that ran so deep, that was so all-consuming, that she literally felt as if her chest would explode with the all-encompassing desire and desperate need flowing throughout her entire being.

She let a solitary tear slip past her dampening eyes as he laid his head upon her chest and struggled to catch his breath.


	5. Chapter 5

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -5-**

Their last summer together was bittersweet. Edward was so attentive and adoring that Bella could feel her chest cracking with each sweet word that left his lips and every gentle touch he placed upon her skin. It was killing her inside to act as if nothing was different, as if nothing would change, because it would; she was sure of it.

"We better get going, baby, or we're going to be late."

Bella didn't really care if they were late or not, she was completely content to lay here in Edward's arms. The longer the better, in fact. But this was the last party of the summer, the last time they would see all of their friends in one place.

Next week, they were all leaving; Alice and Jasper to Columbia in New York; Jess to Stanford in California; Ben and Angela to Yale in Connecticut; Emmett and Rose were already at Yale; and Edward would be over three thousand miles away at Harvard.

Bella, she would stay and become a nurse, something she had never had an interest in, at least not until her dad fell ill. Now, nursing was her first choice because she hoped it would enable her to better care for her dad. Cancer wasn't something humans were just born to handle. At least Bella didn't think so.

"Ready, babe."

Bella pushed forth a smile, it was sort of forced and slightly strained, but she loved the way Edward smiled back at her, so she tried.

"Yeah, let's go."


	6. Chapter 6

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -6-**

Bella slammed the bottle of the sweet red shit back. She wasn't even paying attention to what it was. What she did know was that is tasted like a freezie, and it made her feel happy and lightheaded. So, she went with it. Edward was busy with his buddies, re-enacting the farewell game. Again.

She was feeling kind of resentful about all the time he was spending with everyone else but her. She understood he wouldn't see his friends again for quite some time, if ever, but, damn it, she wanted all of his attention on her. Greedy or not, it just was, and she felt like an ass for being so pissed with him about something so stupid.

Bottle after bottle, Bella slugged them back like a champ, and with each one her thoughts grew darker and darker. If this is what Edward was going to be like while he was still in town, close by, and with their mutual friends, she could only imagine how he would be miles and miles away, where Bella wouldn't be a worry.

She heaved her numb ass up off of the damp earth and swayed as she struggled to decide which direction she wanted to walk in.

It was probably best if she didn't go in the direction of Edward and his buddies, she didn't want to cause a scene, knowing she would feel like shit for it in the morning.

Instead, she cast one last longing look in his direction, hoping he'd notice her. When he didn't, she wobbled and stumbled her way across the beach, heading towards the forest, irrational tears streaming down her face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -7-**

She didn't know how long she wandered along the edge of the forest before she saw the lone figure standing along the west shore; she was just grateful to see anybody. Bella had never been the best with directions, never had any sense of north or south, east or west, and one would think growing up in such a small town she would know it in and out, but the forest was a place that her dad always forbade her from wandering in, and she was a good girl and always listened. Tonight had been different, though, irrationally, she had bolted from her group and went directly to the one place she wasn't allowed. She was drunk and lost and feeling kind of tired.

She swayed up the beach and called out, "Hey, can you tell me how to get back to First Beach?"

The figure turned at her voice, a man. His long blond hair swayed up in the wind, strands blowing in all directions, and he smiled.

"Of course, darling. Come here, do you want a drink?"

Did she? Not from a stranger, but he looked innocent enough, and she really was rather thirsty. So she nodded and took a bottle from him.

She gulped it back in one long gulp, gasping for air as she pulled the rim from her lips.

"Thanks. Apparently, I was thirstier than I thought."

He smiled. "You're welcome. Now, let's see if we can't get you back to First Beach, shall we?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN - I have yet to respond to your wonderful reviews. It was my youngest son's b-day this weekend and has been crazy and hectic. I will be responding to all reviews tonight though. Please know I read every single one and they make me smile and remember why I am still trying with FF at all.<strong>

**xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -8-**

Bella learned his name was James. He was just passing through Forks on his way to Seattle. She wondered where it was he had come from, but didn't ask. She was sure she wouldn't remember come morning anyway.

He was a nice guy, attentive and funny, and Bella found herself laughing more than she had in quite some time as of late.

And when she almost toppled over, having tripped over a pebble sized rock, he caught her and held her steady as she cackled in amusement.

"Only I can trip over a pebble," she gasped out between laughing fits.

He laughed along with her, carefree, smiling, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"Alright, First Beach should be just around this bend."

As they wound along the tree line, Bella saw her friends. Some passed out, some making out, and some- including Edward- still up and drinking, absolutely oblivious to her absence.

She scowled in his direction and tried to quell her growing irritation.

"Here," James handed her a piece of paper, "It's my number. In case, ya know, you want to call sometime. Seattle isn't that far from Forks."

Bella took the card, knowing she probably wouldn't ever call him, but not wanting to be rude, he had been so nice to her, after all.

"Thanks. I'll think about it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN - the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just fo it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.<strong>

**xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and another one...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -9-**

All at once two things happened; both Bella was too inebriated to act upon fast enough.

James leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, warm and strong, and wrong, but in her drunken state she was too slow to pull back from him without falling backwards; she was also too slow to get out of the way of a strong fist as it flew into the side of James' face, she stumbled back and found herself on her ass anyway, the side of her face connecting with the hard earth.

"What the fuck, Bella? I talk to my buddies for a few minutes and you're off kissing the first dude you come across?

Tears sprung to her eyes as she finally comprehended what had just happened; she tried to get to her feet, but her head was spinning and her stomach was churning and her vision just wasn't right.

"I...I...it wasn't what it looked like."

But before Bella could explain what had just happened, James was to his feet and on top of Edward.

Bella watched helplessly as the two guys rolled and punched and grunted.

And just when she thought she couldn't take anymore, Ben ran up and pulled Edward off of James.

James got to his feet, his eye already swelling and his lips caked in blood.

"I'm ...I'm so sorry, James. I...he..."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. It was nice meeting you. I should go now."

Bella was pulled in three parts, one part anger, one part worry, and one part ready to throw the fuck up.

She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the bile rising in her throat, only to be met with piercing green eyes, Edward's green eyes, blazing, angry, darkening.

"I should have listened to my parents, should have known better," And with that, Edward stormed away from the girl he loved, leaving her heartbroken; not once did he look back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just fo it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.<strong>

**xx**


	10. Chapter 10

****Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx****

**...And the heart-fail begins. Hang on and hold on tight.**

**Episode # 2**

**-TLWLW-**

** -10-**

Bella didn't see Edward before he left for college. She didn't see any of her friends, either. Her friends were Edward's friends, and they all thought that she had cheated on him. Guilty until proven innocent in the backwards, fucked up town of Forks.

She, herself, was too pissed and hurt to call him. She had a stubborn streak to her, as well. It pained her not to talk to him, to tell him her side of things, but he had made it painfully obvious he didn't give a fuck what her side of the story was. So, fuck him. He didn't deserve the truth. He didn't deserve her if that was how he was going to treat her, either.

So, instead, Bella trudged on in her life. Going to that college she once thought pathetic turned out to be cathartic for her. Staying home to care for her dad which once seem liked a forced chore was now one of the best things she could have done. He didn't have much time left, or so the last doctor said. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible during his last days.

If it wasn't for the awful flu she had come down with, fate would almost seem tolerable to her. Almost.


	11. Chapter 11

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and let the heart-fail begin. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -11-**

"Maybe another week, two at most." Bella stood, numb, and listened to the doctor. Her dad had taken a turn for the worst. He was in and out of consciousness, and when he was awake she wasn't even sure he knew exactly who she was. There were so many things she wanted to say to him; sometimes she did anyways, even if she wasn't positive he could hear her.

Apparently, her dad had a living will, one that stated very clearly that he did not wish to be kept alive by machines. It hurt, reading it, knowing his final wish was to leave her, to give up, but she understood, too. Who would want to live lost in their own mind, their body rendered useless to them? Yes, Bella could completely understand, but she didn't like it one bit either.

As the doctor continued on, using words she wished she'd never hear in her lifetime, Bella swayed and blacked out, her body crumbling to the cold tiled floor.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.<strong>

**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -12-**

"Welcome back. You gave us a little scare there." Bella let out a cough and wondered why her throat was so dry. Her head hurt and she felt disoriented.

"Calm down. You're in the hospital. You fainted back there, so we set you up in the bed next to your dad."

It all came back to her, then. Her dad was dying, Edward was gone, life hurt. She almost wished she could just go back to sleep. Instead, she slowly sat, the nurse helping her, and took a deep breath, knowing she could never do that, give up, that is. It just wasn't her; life was precious, she knew that better than anyone with her father so close to death's door.

"I'll go get the doctor. He'd like to have a word with you. Please, stay seated."

Bella nodded and rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hands, noticing a band aid with cotton poking out of it on her right arm.

"Miss Swan, it is good to see you awake again. How are you feeling?"

The doctor nodded and stared at his clipboard as she told him she felt slightly dizzy and a little bit nauseous, but aside from that she was fine.

"Good, good. Both of those symptoms are normal..."

"Normal?" she interrupted him.

"Yes, most women in their first trimester suffer from nausea and minor dizziness."

* * *

><p><strong>AN - A few of you already guessed this. Smart little cookies u r. :-)<strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -13-**

Bella felt like the town tramp. Everyone in town stared at her; they whispered, they gossiped, but never once had a single one ever asked her if there was any truth to their words. She never offered that information either. It just wasn't worth it to her, and, really, who would believe her anyways?

She was the daughter of a dying plumber, and _he_ was the son of a prominent businessman.

She sobbed tearlessly, her chest heaving with the pain that radiated throughout her entire being. In a moment of rage, Bella smashed her phone on the cold cement, the sound of its pieces shattering was almost like a balm to her crumbling soul, but ultimately her actions just left her feeling immature and even more alone. The choices she was left with were just too much to bear, too much for an eighteen year old to have to make on their own, but choices she had to make nonetheless.

Head held high and chin trembling, she slowly made her way through the pristine hospital, the familiar sounds of beeping monitors and swooshing machines reminding her of where she was...and why.

As she approached the doctors that were huddled together in front of her father's hospital room, they smiled at her. She couldn't help but wonder why the hell they would do such a thing. This was not a time to smile, and she momentarily felt a surge of anger towards the doctors for appearing to have no empathy for what she was about to do.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - <strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**xx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -14-**

When the final machine was turned off, Bella collapsed into a heap of bawling, broken girl. Doctors patted her shoulder as they exited the room, leaving her to mourn for a moment before taking away the body. She barely heard the words as they called the time of death. All she could hear continuously was her father's very last words to her. "I don't know what happened, baby girl. But I know when you are hurting. Don't let something like this ruin your soul or _its_ life, either. Give it a good home, Baby, and move forward, live. When the time is right, you'll have a child."

She didn't know how her father knew. She had done everything she could to hide it from him, not wanting to give him any reason to stress over something he wouldn't be around to deal with anyway. But, was he right? Was her best option to give the baby a home, a real home? Edward was nowhere near Forks anymore. Even his evil ass of a father and his mousy, useless mother had moved away from town. They were gone, _he_ was gone, her father was gone. What did she really have to offer a child?

That question was all too easily answered in her stricken state. She had nothing; therefore, she had nothing to give her unborn child.

Tear streaked face and running nose, Bella dialed the number on the small white card. Hands shaking, chin trembling, she made a choice that would forever haunt her. The only choice she felt made sense.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - <strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**xx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -15-**

Bella held her head high as she stood, arms wrapped tightly around herself, teeth chattering, in the chilly autumn drizzle. She knew everyone was watching her, and she hated them all for it, too. This was her father's funeral; couldn't they leave her the hell alone long enough for her to bury him in peace? No, apparently not.

She held back her pooling tears as she tried her best to ignore the curious looks the town's people were throwing her way, and instead, in her own way, said goodbye to the only man who had ever truly loved her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - <strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**I am so excited to learn that KaraStillDreaming has rec'd this lil fic on her Facebook page. It makes me all sorts of crazy and happy to know she enjoys it enough to share with others. Thanks for thinking of me and TLWLW Kara :-)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -16-**

Bella made up a small album. In it, she kept every single ultrasound picture. She kept measurements and due dates, as well as every single thought she had. It was a journal of sorts, yet somehow a morbid one, one that spoke of pain and loss and giving and accepting.

Yesterday, she had found _the_ couple. They were perfect, really. Esme and Carlisle Cullen. He was a doctor; she an interior designer, and they couldn't have a child of their own. They were happy, and were gentle, loving people. They had money and a stable home. She knew it was the right choice the second she walked into that meeting, that very moment when Esme Cullen rushed forward, tears in her eyes, and pulled Bella into her arms, soothing her, as if somehow knowing just how hard this all was on her, how tumultuous her life and thoughts had been.

Without a second glance at the bold black words, Bella signed the papers that very day.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen were finally going to have their baby.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - <strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...and the heart-fail continues. Hang on and have faith...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -17- **

December twenty-fifth was a solemn day in the Swan home. Bella sat, all alone, around a meager Christmas tree, the lights on it flickering as a solitary bulb threatened to burn out. Bella couldn't help but sympathize with the fading bulb; she felt they were kindred spirits, both once so full of life, and now at the point of flickering, fading, burning out from overuse and not being taken care of.

She shut her textbook and sighed softly as she rubbed her swollen stomach and thought of the gift she had left in the Cullen's mailbox.

It had been trying for her, almost unbearable, to go back to that house, even to bring someone as sweet as Esme something that would bring her such joy.

In fact, she had sat completely still, her whole body breaking into a sweat, as she gazed up the long drive, remembering a time much different, a time where the love of her life had lived in that very same house, and visiting it had meant something completely different.

But as she pictured Esme smiling, tears of joy running down her pale face, she was once again reminded that the choice she was making was the best possible one for everyone involved.

"Merry Christmas, baby. I love you," Bella whispered into the empty room, tears blurring her vision and a lump tightening her chest.

* * *

><p><strong>AN - Big hugs to PastOneonta. I have yet to respond to her reviews, but she is a doll, and reviewed every single chapter. I smiled. I laughed. I hummed and hawed right along with every one of her reviews as I read them on my phone. I can't tell her enough how much I appreciate her support and the time she takes to review each chapter.<strong>

**- chapter length - these are short chapters. Sorry if that irritates some of you, but this is a drabble. I hope you continue to read; if not, I completely understand.**

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**- review replies will go out tonight. Sorry for the delay.**

**xx**


	18. Chapter 18

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**Here's another chapter to make up for my absence this past weekend. Life gets crazy at times.**

**...a small smile this time, to brighten your read...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -18-**

"..._Scrooge fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face. _

_``Mercy!'' he said. ``Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?'' _

_``Man of the worldly mind!'' replied the Ghost, ``do you believe in me or not?'' _

_``I do,'' said Scrooge. ``I must. But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me?'' _

_``It is required of every man,'' the Ghost returned, ``that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world - oh, woe is me! - and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!'' _

_Again the spectre raised a cry, and shook its chain, and wrung its shadowy hands. _

_``You are fettered,'' said Scrooge, trembling. ``Tell me why?'' _

_``I wear the chain I forged in life,'' replied the Ghost. ``I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it. Is its pattern strange to **you**?'' _

_Scrooge trembled more and more..."_

A loud knock at the front door caused Bella to let out a small shriek as the book fell from her lap. She grasped at her heaving chest and rubbed quickly and with pressure trying to calm her lurching tummy. Momentarily, she forgot about the door, as she watched in amazement as her stress seemed to affect the baby. Small lumps moved from one side of her belly to the other, and she laughed when her fingers poked at the bulge during one of its passes and it pulled away.

"Sorry for upsetting you, baby," Bella said softly as she continued to press against and graze what she assumed were the baby's feet.

The doorbell chimed, reminding Bella that someone was still waiting at the front door. Quietly, and with trepidation, she moved through the hallway and peeked out through the small peephole.

Esme's bright smile was the first thing she saw, and she couldn't help returning it, even though the woman could not see her.

As she opened the door, Esme was on her, arms tight and comforting.

"I hope you don't mind us intruding on your holiday. We just wanted to thank you for your thoughtful gift, and bring you these, as well."

"No, no, please come in," Bella said softly as she eyed the many packages Carlisle was laden with.

"Here, let me help you," she offered, feeling like a horrible hostess as Carlisle struggled to balance all of the items in his arms.

"Nonsense, just nudge over and we'll get these into the kitchen to sort them."

"What is all of _this_?" Bella asked as she followed the couple into her kitchen, eyeing up the packages and bags, warily.

"Well, it's Christmas, of course, silly girl!"

* * *

><p><strong>- chapter length - these are short chapters. Sorry if that irritates some of you, but this is a drabble. I hope you continue to read; if not, I completely understand.<strong>

**- the next installment- and the only one to be on FF now since the rest were pulled- of The Countdowns will be starting in October. I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**- review replies will go out tonight. Sorry for the delay.**

**xx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**Happy Hump Day *wiggles eyebrows suggestively* Yeah, I'm a perv. My bad.**

**-TLWLW-**

** -19-**

Christmas was, in a word, heartbreaking.

Esme and Carlisle had brought over a feast of food, gifts for Bella, as well as something no other had ever given her, a sense of belonging.

It broke her heart to be with them, to laugh, to smile, to hug and celebrate such a holiday, yet it felt absolutely right, too.

They were the kindest people she had ever met. And when Esme had broken down crying while rubbing Bella's belly, she had just about lost it.

"We're having a baby girl," Esme had whispered up at Bella, her eyes glossy and tears streaming down her face.

"No, Esme, you are having a baby girl. Merry Christmas." She had almost choked on her own words in that moment, yet she knew without a doubt as she spoke them that they were true.

She spent New Year's alone, making sure to turn out all of the lights and barricade herself in her room so she would have no unexpected guests that holiday. She didn't, and, oddly enough, she found herself wishing that she had.

Her attachment to the Cullen's was unhealthy, and she knew it, especially considering the circumstances. In just a few months, she would be giving them a piece of her, a piece of her and the only man she would ever love, the only thing she would have left of him.

* * *

><p><strong>The Countdown to Halloween- A Mythical Moment in Time starts TODAY. ARE YOU FOLLOWING IT?<strong>

** I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**xx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**Because there is no hump for hump day in either drabble chap- I give you two today :-)**

**-TLWLW-**

** -20-**

January came and went in a blur of classes and homework. Bella studied relentlessly, digging into every book she could get her hands on. She spent a lot of time at the library; it had become an escape to her, a way to purge her mind of all the tumultuous activity that constantly plagued her.

More than once, she had been tempted to try to contact Edward. Her heart hurt just at the mere thought of his name, but she just couldn't do it. She had absolutely no idea how to contact him, other than what school he went to. He knew exactly where to find her, however, and he hadn't. That was enough to stop her from making a fool of herself and calling him.

* * *

><p><strong>The Countdown to Halloween- A Mythical Moment in Time starts TODAY. ARE YOU FOLLOWING IT?<strong>

** I have made a FF profile just for it. If you haven't added it yet, make sure you do. Pen name FF Countdowns.**

**xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -21-**

February was a rough month. Bella had read somewhere that morning sickness was the worst in the first trimester. Well, those fuckers lied. Her first trimester was easy-peasy compared to this bullshit. At seven months pregnant, all she did was vomit, constantly. If she smelled food, she vomited; if she thought of Edward, she vomited; if she so much as rubbed her own bulging stomach, she vomited; and it was all beginning to wear her too thin.

She had barely made it to her appointment during advising week, and that would have really sucked, considering she needed to know how lenient the school would be with her taking a week off to have the baby and recuperate a bit, without losing credit on her courses.

The doctor put her on Diclectin, a medication to help manage the nausea. It helped, and by the first of March, Bella felt more like herself again; well, a whale-sized version of herself, but at least something similar.

Her ankles had started to swell, and her back ached all of the time. It hurt to sit; it hurt to lie down; it hurt to walk. Fuck, it just hurt all of the damn time.

Sleeping was a struggle, at best. The ever present dark circles under her eyes attested to that.

And every night as she tossed and turned, groaned and whimpered, she swore to herself she would never...ever...get pregnant again.

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><p><strong>xx<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**...And a little heart-fail to sniffle you to sleep with...**

**-TLWLW-**

** -22-**

Turns out Bella didn't need to worry so much about missing classes. At 3:15 am on March 24, the first day into spring break, she woke up screaming, her back feeling like it was about to snap in half.

She thanked her lucky stars that Esme had the hindsight to gift her with a new phone for Christmas, one of which Bella tried to decline, stating it was too much, but Esme's reasoning had been solid; what if she needed to contact them in an emergency?

She quickly called Carlisle and Esme, who both insisted on picking her up opposed to her driving herself. Which had been a smart idea since Bella was practically doubled over from spasms of pain that wracked through her entire body every four to five minutes.

Esme had been her rock, rubbing her back, soothing her, just being there for her; and at 4:12 am, mere minutes after she was admitted at Forks Hospital, Bella gave birth to a little girl, weighing six pounds and three ounces, and she was perfect.

There were some final papers for Bella to sign before The Cullen's could take their new daughter home. Bella signed them without reading them; her heart was breaking and her insides felt like they were falling out of her. The only way this would work is if it was a clean break. She couldn't even bring herself to look at her baby girl one last time...no, Esme's baby girl.

"Bella?"

She shook her head, not looking in the direction of Esme's voice. She didn't want that perfect woman to see her pain, to see how much she was struggling with the decision that already haunted her but had brought such a beautiful soul so much joy.

"Okay. I'll just leave this here. When you are feeling better, please, make sure you open this and read everything over, okay?"

Bella nodded, still not looking Esme in the face. However, she had no intention of ever opening that envelope, none whatsoever.

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**Episode # 3**

**-TLWLW-**

** -23-**

On March 28th, Bella was standing beside her truck, hidden by the inky night's covering, her face a mask of calm, even though she was anything but.

The back of her truck was loaded with boxes and her mattress. She hadn't been able to get the damn frame apart, so that stayed. The local Goodwill had been by earlier that day and had taken away every single thing she wasn't taking with her.

She turned to get into her truck, taking one last glance over her shoulder at the large 'For Sale' sign on the front yard of the only home she had ever known.

She wanted to have a reason to say one last farewell to the place she had grew up in, but really, there was none. So, instead, she whimpered and sputtered, and "Goodbye, Dad," was all she was able to choke out before she jumped into the truck, turning the key, and drowning out her wails of sorrow under the roar of the truck's engine.

Tears were still welling in her eyes as she passed the city limits. She didn't look back even once as she headed away from a painful past and hopefully towards a nice numb future.

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -24-**

A few weeks later, Bella found herself once again in a hospital. She had woken up one morning, her heading throbbing and her temperature through the roof.

Once at the hospital, it took but a few questions and one simple test for them to tell her she had an infection. "Sometimes things like this happen after childbirth," they'd said. "It has nothing to do with what you have or haven't done."

She was given a prescription for antibiotics and sent on her merry way. For five days she was bedridden, too dizzy from the fever to do anything but stumble to the bathroom from time to time.

The school was great and gave her the time off with no headaches, but, of course, she'd have to catch up once she was back.

The moment she was able to function properly again, she immersed herself in her studies, not just catching up, but working ahead of the rest of the class.

Bella finished her first year with honors, which wasn't surprising, really, considering she spent all of her time studying. When she wasn't studying or at school, she was working. She had gotten a job at a local bar called R Bar, and was working there every Friday and Saturday night, as well as any other evening shift they would throw her way.

She made decent tips there, considering it was such a small town, but it was pretty much the only bar with live bands, and that seemed to draw in the younger crowds from every small town between Forks and Seattle. It worked for Bella, and it was enough to pay her rent for the small apartment she rented just on the outskirts of town. She had traded in her old truck, not wanting the eye sore to give away her whereabouts, not that anyone was looking for her, but just in case. Her tuition she had paid off completely with the money her dad's insurance had paid out, and she still had plenty from it in the bank, as well. The sale of the house had gone through just a few months after she had left town. The real estate agent had dealt with the whole thing so she didn't even have to set foot in that town to close the sale. What couldn't be done over the phone or by email or fax had been finalized in one short meeting that had taken place in Port Angeles.

The agent had also given her a large manila envelope that had been left at the house. It was completely blank save for her name in large bold letters on the front. She refused to open it, though, assuming it could be from no one else but the Cullens, and that was a pain she had no plans on letting resurface.

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -25-**

That summer found Bella working non-stop. She worked six days a week, picking up shifts left behind by her co-workers as they went away on vacations or to family gatherings. Bella, of course, had nowhere to go, and the extra money couldn't hurt, right?

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, Jake. Slow night?"

"Looking like it. You gonna grace us with that amazing voice of yours?"

"I just might. Can't have me falling asleep on the job, now can we?"

"Any reason you want to use works for me."

Bella smiled back as Jake beamed at her from behind the bar. His smile was so infectious. Only when she was around him was the rare times one would find her with a smile on her face and a laugh in her throat. It was nice; it was freeing; it felt so foreign and so fucking good, too.

Jake was the owner of R Bar, and an all-around really cool guy. It had taken her months of him badgering her, slowly picking away at her shell, for her to open up to him and just talk. She didn't talk about anything to do with her past, and he seemed to sense that particular topic was off bounds, and never asked. It was a comfortable friendship. It was something that scared the shit out of her.

"I'm gonna head up there now, if that's okay?"

He nudged his head in the direction of the stage and smiled, "Of course. Get on up there, girl."

* * *

><p><strong>xx<strong>


	26. Chapter 26

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -26-**

The last Saturday before school started back Bella was once again at R Bar. This time as a patron, not as a waitress. The bar was packed and her nerves were flaring. She didn't like attention, but she had promised Jake, and she didn't want to let him down.

"Here, drink this." Bella looked down at the shot that Jake had placed in front of her and gulped. She wasn't really a drinker, and Jake new she was underage, as well. But she needed something to calm her shakes, so she grabbed the shot glass and downed that shit. It burned, hell did it burn, but she just winced and smacked her lips and let the burning sensation take over her mind, if only momentarily.

"All ready, Bella?"

Bella looked up at Leah as she approached the bar, a teasing grin on her face.

"Bitch, you look like you're about to blow chunks. Make sure you make it out back. I don't wanna be cleaning that shit up." Bella snorted, praying Leah was wrong, that there would be no blowing chunks of any sort.

"Na, I'm good, just a little nervous," she replied as Leah leaned across the bar and locked lips with Jake.

"You two make me sick. Do you ever just...I dunno...talk?"

"What fun is there in that, Bells? Plus, I have you for all my chatting needs."

"So true, my friend, so true, and that you sure fucking do." Bella laughed at the fake hurt expression on Jake's face and galloped off towards the stage, her nerves not seeming to be controlling her quite as much any longer.

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry I was crazy busy these oast few days and didn't respond to the last bit of reviews. I promise I will reply to the ones from this chapter and be all back to regular communication. However, I read every one. Swear. And u all make me smile. SO THANKS!<strong>

**xx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -27-**

The fall came and went, and school picked right back up where it left off. Bella was getting excited for her last semester when she would be doing more clinical assignments than actual in school lessons.

She had applied for and been accepted to do her clinical studies at the Peninsula Community Mental Health Center. She had gotten lucky, really. Some of the girls in her class were driving all the way into Seattle, while some of the others only had to go as far as Sequim.

However, once her clinical studies began, her hours at the bar would be cut back to Saturday and Sunday nights only. This would be a big change for her; one she was hoping wouldn't interrupt the semblance of silence in her head.

Jake and Leah had turned out to be an odd sense of comfort for her. They were a weird couple, that was for sure, but they were good people, and they were always there to make her smile when the darkness inside of her threatened to consume her.

Bella understood that overworking herself to keep her mind where it didn't have time to stray was unhealthy, but it worked for her. She just prayed that the patients at the center would be just as demanding as her work and Jake.

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry I was crazy busy these oast few days and didn't respond to the last bit of reviews. I promise I will reply to the ones from this chapter and be all back to regular communication. However, I read every one. Swear. And u all make me smile. SO THANKS!<strong>

**xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**For those who asked, yes, this will have a HEA. It is a slow ride, with a lot of burn, mixed with heartache and, of course, some frustration, but the end result will make you smile. Promise.**

**-TLWLW-  
><strong>

** -28-**

Christmas was an interesting affair. Bella had every intention of spending it alone, wallowing and remembering, airing out her wounds in the silence of her tiny apartment.

On Christmas Eve morning, she went down to the post office and paid an astronomical fee to have a same day delivery to Forks. She knew what she was sending wasn't needed, but she desperately needed to feel like she had done something, anything, really. So, she carefully stuffed the cardboard box with the small stuffed animal, along with the envelope full of cash she had saved up from tips at the bar. The small note she added in simply said, _I know this isn't much, but I need to feel like I at least tried. I think of you all always. Xxx_

She didn't address the holiday. She couldn't do that, not without breaking down completely, and she wanted to wait until she was in the safe confines of her apartment before she did that. But before she even reached the front porch she knew that things were not going to go exactly as planned.

"Hey there, Bells. Grab an overnight bag. The three of us are going to hit up Vegas while the rest of the world are stuck doing stuffy family shit."

Bella almost smiled. She knew he was only trying to cheer her up, but she also wondered why neither Jake nor Leah was with their own families.

"What are you two doing here? Don't you have plans with family for Christmas?"

Jake threw his arm around her shoulders and nudged her side. Chuckling, he stated, "Na, every year or so we do the anti-Christmas thing and find something blasphemous to do on the day of the Lord. Not that we mean anything disrespectful or anything, but Leah, here, likes to stick it to her hoity-toity, bible thumping parents, and this seems to work. So, this year, lucky you, you get to be a part of our immorality."

Leah hopped out of the car that was waiting at the curb and smirked, that kind of smirk that told you she was up to no good. Bella decided just from that look that fighting them was futile, and resistance would not be tolerated. She opted to go peacefully, instead.

Christmas of 1996 turned out to be a memorable one, and one that Bella was glad she hadn't locked herself away from. The threesome gambled, laughed, had a few drinks, and took part in painting the famous town of Vegas with their colorful attitudes. It was something she was glad she had been a part of, even if, inside, she still throbbed with the loss of her little girl, and maybe- if she were being honest with herself- Edward, too.

* * *

><p><strong>Gonna try for two chapters a day. So we can move the story-line along a bit faster for y'all. That work for you?<strong>

**xx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**For those who asked, yes, this will have a HEA. It is a slow ride, with a lot of burn, mixed with heartache and, of course, some frustration, but the end result will make you smile. Promise.**

**-TLWLW-**

** -29-**

New Year's flashed by in a flurry of Leah and Jake craziness. Once again, Bella found herself at the bar, not working, and actually enjoying herself. Jake really made it impossible to mope around him. His offbeat personality seemed to be exactly what Bella needed to lift her spirits, and as she danced the night away, Jake doing some funky rendition of the moonwalk beside her while Leah howled in laughter, Bella smiled, really smiled and just let herself go. Her body moved with the music, her eyes closed, her hips swayed. She could feel all the eyes on her, men who had tried countless times to get her to go out with them, or even just to dance even one song with them. They didn't bother her anymore, probably assuming she was a lesbian or a frigid bitch, she didn't care either way, but they still watched. She ignored them and just let herself feel.

January flew by, and Bella loved every second of her clinic time at the mental health center. In fact, she even made a friend, who just happened to be a seventy-year-old woman suffering from Alzheimer's, but an amazing friend nonetheless.

She spent countless hours, long after her shifts, just sitting with the elderly woman and listening to her tales. Bella wasn't sure which ones, if any, held any merit to them, but they were beautiful tales of true love and aching heartbreak. They mesmerized her, and she felt as if she could relate, as if this beautiful soul had suffered the same fate as her.

* * *

><p><strong>Gonna try for two chapters a day. So we can move the story-line along a bit faster for y'all. That work for you?<strong>

**xx**


	30. Chapter 30

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**What's this, you ask? Well, a third chapter today just to say "I love you".**

**-TLWLW-**

** -30-**

"My Herbert once bought me a peacock. He brought it to my house one early summer morning. It had a beautiful pink ribbon around its neck. I remember opening the door, eyes still bleary with sleep, and gasping at the spectacle before me. My father had been furious, claiming the screeching peacock would frighten the horses, but Mother was just as awed by it as I was."

"That's beautiful," Bella whispered as she tried to pat away the dampness that was pooling in her eyes.

"That's how he asked me to marry him, ya know. The ribbon held the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen."

"I don't understand," Bella murmured, her mind spinning a mile a minute. Roberta had told her that she never married, that she had lived a solitary life, never being able to find a love that could come anywhere close to holding that sort of flame for her.

"I...I thought you never married."

Roberta sighed and smiled up at Bella, her eyes taking on a fiery depth that Bella had never seen the likes of before. "I didn't. You see, my family came from old money. We were rather well off and looked at as almost royalty. It was silly, really. We were just a normal family. We didn't act superior to the other townspeople, yet still they looked at us as if we were something more. We didn't agree with it, but it was what it was.

"My brother, however, was a completely different story. He was away at boarding school at that time and had come home just three days before the wedding. Once he found out whom I was to marry, he went crazy, ranting and screaming about marrying below our status or some nonsense. I ignored him, begged him to leave, and surprisingly he did. I thought everything would be perfect again. But later that night a letter came in my Herbert's handwriting...it...it said he changed his mind, that he couldn't go through with marrying me."

Bella gasped, tears flooding her eyes and her arms instinctually wrapping around Roberta's frail shoulders. She held her, gently stoking her back as the elderly woman sniffled softly, only letting go when Roberta nudged at her shoulder.

"It's all water under the bridge now, sweet Bella. Don't cry for me. Most don't ever come close to finding the love that I felt in those months with Herbert. I was lucky to have experienced it, even if for such a short period of time."

Bella didn't pry for more information, even though she was itching to know what had happened, and why he had changed his mind. She had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the brother, but held her tongue just in case she was completely off base.

* * *

><p><strong>Gonna try for two chapters a day. So we can move the story-line along a bit faster for y'all. That work for you?<strong>

**xx**


	31. Chapter 31

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**One more- you know why :-)**

**-TLWLW-**

** -31-**

Bella spent Valentine's Day with Roberta. She had made her a cutout card and brought her a single daisy. It may have seemed weird to some, but it felt right to her.

Roberta still talked of her Herbert constantly, but had yet to reveal what had happened that fateful day, three days before what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life.

Someday, Bella would ask, she knew she would. No matter how much she wanted to not push, the questions were eating at her. So, she bided her time, waiting for the right story from Roberta, and the right moment. Then...then she would finally ask.

Bella got her marks back, and not surprisingly found she was at the top of her class, not that she thought herself smarter or anything, but with all the time she spent studying, her marks were definitely deserved.

As she was walking to her car one rare sunny day, she noticed a small display in one of the shop's windows. She stopped mid-stride, smiling down at all the small plaques covered in little hands and feet, their edging covered in oval-shaped pictures of chubby-cheeked babies. Her heart jumped, clogging her throat, and tears threatened to spill over, but somehow she made it into the store, purchased one of the frames, and arranged for it to be delivered in a nondescript box to the Cullen's.

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><p><strong>Would love to hear from some of you lurkers out there, just saying.<strong>


	32. Chapter 32

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**I have yet to reply to yesterday's reviews, but I read them all just before posting this. I am so excited to have heard from a few of you lurkers. Truly, it makes my chest hum, and, of course, urges me to update to continue sharing your thoughts on this currently chest-aching fic.**

**Thank you.**

**-TLWLW-**

** -32-**

March went by all too quickly, and before Bella knew it, spring break was upon her.

She had no idea what to do with all her spare time, and found her mind veering off in unpleasant directions all too often.

She only had three shifts all week at the bar, and one measly assignment, which she had completed within the first 24 hours after school let out.

"Bella, open the fucking door, or I swear I'll break it down."

Bella flinched at the anger in Jake's voice. She'd open the door for him, if she could somehow manage to get off the fucking floor, but she couldn't. It was as if her arms and legs had given out on her. Not to mention, she didn't really want Jake seeing her like this anyway.

"Go away, Jake. I'm fine." Bella wondered when her voice had become so slurry, but not for long. Her mind was too sluggish to keep one thought for too long, so, she just shrugged and lifted the almost empty bottle in her hand to her lips. She no longer felt the burn as the amber liquid slid down her throat. She was now just drinking to drink, to maintain the numb.

Bella's eyes slid shut and she slumped forward on the carpeted floor.

She woke to cool hands pressing against her flaming hot cheeks and more hands lifting her off of the floor.

"How much have you had to..."

"Wha...?"

Bella's lips felt numb; she could barely form proper words.

Her body was jerked slightly, back and forth, and harsh words were hissed at her. She couldn't understand them, though, and her stomach was churning...

Bella lurched forward, landing on all fours, and expelled the contents of her stomach onto the floor. Heaving and crying, she sputtered and choked out, "She's one today. She's a whole year old, and I don't even know who she is."

* * *

><p><strong>In case I have failed to mention the obvious- Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.<strong>


	33. Chapter 33

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

**I have another ready to go. Want it?**

**-TLWLW-**

** -33-**

March 25th found Bella with her head constantly in a bucket. She decided between the pain from heaving repetitively and the angry, disappointed looks from Jake, not to mention the never ending pounding in her head, the way her eyes felt like her lids were made of sandpaper, and the wretched smell that was now permeating her small apartment, drinking was not the way to overcome her pain.

"How you feeling there, Bells? Ready for some more water?"

Bella groaned at the thought, every time she had even a sip of water, she instantly threw it back up, followed by another five minutes or so of dry heaving. But Jake kept pushing it on her, and the worry in his eyes made her drink the fucking water.

After sipping from the cup, she carefully laid back into the propped up pillow pile.

She didn't instantly feel like she was going to throw up, so that was a good sign, right?

"I have to leave in about an hour, Leah needs me at the bar to help close things up, but before I go, do you want to talk about it?"

Bella snorted, then rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for the offer, Jake, but I don't want to even remember it much less talk about it. I promise there will be no more drinking for me. I learned my lesson, I swear. I'll be okay."

After a bit more convincing, Jake backed out of the room, his eyes looking heavy and defeated, and Bella hated that she was the cause of him being in that state.

"Jake..."

He popped his head back in the door, and Bella tried to smile, "Thanks...for being there...and all...and picking my lock...and...yeah, all of that."

He smiled back at her, "Anytime, Bells, just promise next time you'll call me before you start your one man bender, okay?"

She nodded. "Deal."

* * *

><p><strong>In case I have failed to mention the obvious- Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.<strong>


	34. Chapter 34

**Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx**

****So, just to clarify...the beginning of the fic was in 2002- then it jumped back 7 years to 1995. It is now 1997. Bella is now 20 years old. There are 2 pending envelopes, 3 new friends, only 1 month until school ends, and she will be done her two year course for nursing.****

**-TLWLW-**

** -34-**

That night was never spoken of again, but Bella caught Jake watching her, much more closely than before. He also called her every night and texted her on a regular basis. She knew he was only worried about her, but his constant hovering was really kind of annoying. So, she put on her happy face, once again hiding her pain, and acted as if nothing had ever happened.

"So, if you never married, what have you done all of these years?"

Roberta placed her hand on Bella's arm, shushing her. "I'm getting there, child. Patience." She adjusted the blanket on her lap and leaned her face up towards the bright sun. Smiling, she continued, and like always, Bella listened in rapt fascination.

"I took a job as a live-in nanny for a wonderful couple with three bright and rambunctious children..."

For the next hour, Roberta spoke of her family away from home with reverence. They had always treated her as family, and after a huge falling out with her real family, it had been a blessing for Roberta's broken faith at that time.

Bella finally got her answers in regards to Herbert and the brother. Seemed her brother, whose name was John, had beaten Herbert within an inch of his life, leaving him with a threat to finish the job if he so much as even looked at Roberta again. Roberta's parents then sent him away to a boarding school before he had even fully recovered, before packing up and moving out of town themselves.

After John confessed what he had done, Roberta lost it, and her father defending her brother was the straw that broke the camel's back. That very night she had packed up a few pieces of clothing and walked out the front door without so much as a goodbye. Apparently, she had not spoken to a single one of them, not even her mother- who had likely long since passed.

* * *

><p><strong>In case I have failed to mention the obvious- Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.<strong>


	35. Chapter 35

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I meant to post this last night. However, my internet was down so the hubs took that as a sign that I should spend some time with him :-P<strong>

**I am responding to a bunch of reviews right now, but had to send out huge hugs here to Nelleke and Lindsi Loolabell for taking the time to review each and every chapter, no matter how short the chapter was. You girls make my heart sing. Thank you.**

**-TLWLW-**

** -35-**

The end of the school year was bittersweet for Bella. On one hand she was raring to get out there, into the real world, work set hours, not have to study all of the time, but on the other hand, she was a ball of nerves. She had applied at the Mental health clinic, hoping to stay on there, this time as a paid employee, and it was now her last day of school and she hadn't heard anything back from them.

Looked like she was going to be begging Jake for extra hours, after all.

She had every intention of staying at the bar, working only one night a week. It kept her busy and the tips were good, plus when it wasn't too busy Jake let her sing. Singing helped her purge all those unbearable thoughts, and that worked perfectly for Bella.

Once Bella was home, certificate of completion in hand, she clicked the flashing message button on the machine and went to the fridge and grabbed a Coke.

Static buzzed throughout her small apartment for a moment before a garbled voice filled the air, drawing a large breath from Bella's throat and causing her to choke out her sip of pop.

* * *

><p><strong>I am going out to Oktoberfest tonight, so I am going to try to post some chapters before I leave while doing housework and doing work-work...lol<strong>

**For all my fellow Canadians who might be reading, I hope you have an amazing Thanksgiving weekend!**

**Words to think about: What are you most thankful for?**

**I am thankful that right now all of my children are healthy. Currently no hospitals, no surgeries, just regular, everyday moody kids.**

**And, as always, I am thankful for my husband's current-( and hopefully lasting from here on forth)fidelity, my real life friends, and my online friends, too, meaning all of you. Some of you have been my supporters, my sounding boards, my shoulders to lean on, and my voices of reason for almost a whole decade now. I am so grateful that FF's crazed deletion did not cause me to lose you all.**


	36. Chapter 36

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -36-**

** Episode # 4**

"...Not sure if I have the right...Looking for Bella Swa...If this is the...call Ed..."

"What!"

Bella replayed the message over and over. She would know his voice anywhere, even all distorted and bleeping in and out. What she couldn't understand was why, after two years, he was calling her, and why the fuck the machine had not given her any pertinent information. Like why he was calling, a number to call him back at, a location to find him so she could beat him like a little bitch for making her fading heart sputter back to life and pound incessantly, just by simply hearing his voice. She had never hated that she hadn't gotten call display more in her life than in that moment.


	37. Chapter 37

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>'Cause I just couldn't leave y'all hanging...at least like that :-P<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -37-**

Bella did have a message from the medical center, after all. It was the message after _his_. She just didn't listen to it until three days later, when she was so exhausted from getting up and down, replaying his message over and over, and sobbing to the sound of his voice- which was still like a balm for her heart. It was just a short message, saying that they had a job for her, just one that wouldn't start until September, when all the interns went back to school. She could live with that. What she was having a hard time living with was the unknown.

She decided to suck it up and call him, call the last number she knew him to have. She shook like a quivering leaf as she dialed the number, almost vomited in her mouth as she heard the click of the call going through. But none of that was necessary 'cause the operator on the other end of the line droned on and on-over and over- telling her in no uncertain terms to calm the fuck down, his number was no longer in service.

By the following month, she found herself scouring his school's website, looking for a directory listing of students. There was one, but it was blocked unless you had a school ID.

_Fuck!_

August, she gathered the nerve to actually call the school.

She spent an hour lying through her teeth to some kid on the phone who was probably a nerd with a pimple-ridden face who picked his nose while reading comic books and whacking off to animated pictures of Kagome or some shit. She flirted and begged and even tried the family emergency sob story. But that fucker was good, too good for a nerd-boy, and in the end, he divulged no information to Bella, not even an affirmation of whether Edward was even attending Harvard.

Sure, he had been accepted, and she was pretty sure he went, but it had been two years. Maybe he wasn't even there anymore.

She had no way to know, now.


	38. Chapter 38

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Last one for today. I'm heading out in a few. See y'all tomorrow ;-)<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -38-**

As August flowed into September and the leaves began to change from a crisp green to faded yellows and reds, Bella got lost in her new job. She didn't forget about the mysterious call from Edward, but she did push it out of her mind whenever possible. She spent more and more time with Roberta after her shifts, and less and less time with Leah and Jake. She couldn't deny that she missed the quirky pair, but they were getting too close, starting to ask questions, and Bella wasn't prepared to answer them, not yet anyway. Maybe someday, just not now.

All the hours she spent at the clinic made for a good excuse to pass on invitations out without her appearing to be avoiding them. She still worked Saturday nights at the bar, so she saw them then, but Saturday's were usually their busiest nights, so the time for conversation was severely limited. It was win, win, for her. She still got to see her friends, but without the worry of having to delve into anything too deep. She knew she couldn't hide forever, but, for now, it just worked.


	39. Chapter 39

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Had so much fun dancing and hanging with some great friends last night, but boy am I tired today :-S<strong>

**And, dude, seriously, next year I am making a 'People of Oktoberfest' slideshow...the shit some people wore-or didn't wear- absolutely priceless, and oh so entertaining, too. ;-)**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -39-**

That year, Bella went all out for Christmas. Wanting to honor a time of her past she held dearly in her heart. She and her dad had always decked the house out for the holiday. Hell, that year she even went above and beyond anything she ever had when he was alive. She went out and bought a tree, decorated it with some funky bulbs she found at the Goodwill store, none matched, but it was perfect, to her, just the way it was.

She bought a roasted chicken and all the fixings. She even made an apple pie and some Christmas cookies.

She went to the store on the way to the clinic on Christmas Eve day and picked up some cider and tea, as well.

Once at the clinic, she headed to the nurses' station, picked up everything the doctors had told her she would need and piled it all into the backseat of her car before making her way back into the clinic.

It was a dreary place to be this time of the year. There was very minimal staff on site because most of the patients had been signed out for the holidays by family and loved ones.

Only three patients remained on site, two of which were on life support and not expected to live past the holidays, the third was, of course, Roberta; but Bella had every intention of changing that grave injustice. That Christmas, Bella was going to push past her fears and heartache and she was going to start a new tradition; one that involved a broken girl and a forgotten woman. One that would change the pair irrevocably.


	40. Chapter 40

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -40-**

Roberta hadn't been expecting her short leave of absence from the hospital, and in all honesty, Bella had to pull some pretty woven strings to get the clearance to do so without Roberta knowing and agreeing ahead of time. The staff at the clinic, however, were positive Bella wouldn't force the elderly lady to go if she was adamant about staying. As it turned out, Roberta, after breaking down into heaving sobs of gratitude, was more than happy to spend the holidays with her newfound friend.

They spent Christmas Eve eating around the small TV in Bella's living room and watching black and white Christmas movies.

Bella had set up her room for Roberta and had done up the couch for herself.

Christmas day started off slightly awkward. It was new to them both, being with someone and having something to celebrate.

Jake and Leah turned up at Bella's door just after noon, their arms full of bags and boxes.

"What are you two doing here?"

Jake brushed past Bella, a huge smile on his face, dimples on full display, and swatted at her back end with his foot. "It's Christmas. We've already visited with family last night and this morning. Well, if not out being all anti-holiday-ish, where else would we be?"

"Hey, Bells, can you take this?" Leah stumbled into her and wiggled her arms until the large box on the top of the pile plopped into Bella's waiting arms.

"You guys didn't have to do this..."

"Shush, I've heard enough from you, woman. Now, how about introducing me to your smokin' hot friend over there?"

Bella laughed, loud and freely, when she realized Jake was reefing to Roberta. Sure, for a seventy year old woman with Alzheimer's, she was a rather good looking woman, but seriously, 'smokin' hot friend'? Jake was sure pulling out the big guns and laying the charm on full force.

"Well, thank you, young man, you're pretty strappin' yourself. My name's Roberta. Bella works at the home I live in, and was gracious enough to offer to share her holiday with me. We are more than happy to share with you two, as well. Aren't we, Bella?"

Well, guess that did it. Bella was in for a rather interesting Christmas that year, that was for sure.


	41. Chapter 41

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -41-**

The New Year was hectic as hell for Bella. One of the girls at the bar had quit and two of the girls at the clinic had transferred out to other places. She was picking up shifts left, right, and center at both places.

It was good for her, though. After spending Christmas with some of her favorite people, life seemed to shift a bit for Bella. The holidays didn't seem too bleak now, and her days were spent smiling more often than not, a huge change for her. March 24th was quickly approaching, though, and Bella could see the apprehension etched into her friend's faces. Jake was all skittish and jumpy around her. Leah was constantly asking her how she was, and poor Roberta didn't even have a clue why Bella was all fidgety and snappy.

"I just need a glass of water..."

"Yes, you usually do. Why is it, Janice, that you only realize you want water once you are all settled into bed, every single night?"

Roberta's door opened and she popped her head out, a smile on her face and a glint in her tired eyes, "Bella, dear, can you come here, please."

Bella smiled weakly towards her friend. She knew Roberta had heard her snap on the poor old lady, and she knew she was wrong to do so. She was just so on edge. This time of year was never good for her, but with the added stress of working sixty-five hour weeks. Well, Bella was running herself rather thin, and was way too close to snapping.

"I'm sorry for that Janice. Here's your glass of water. I'm just tired, but that's no excuse for me being short with you."

Janice smiled up at Bella and nodded her head. "I've lived a lot of years, sweet girl, a little short fusing on me won't get my feathers in a twist. No worries."

"Thanks, Janice, but still, I am sorry."

With that cleared up, Bella made her way across the hall to Roberta.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest last night, doing pumpkin patch and in-laws today, cleaning and building a shed tomorrow, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	42. Chapter 42

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I have one more for you today, if you want it?<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -42-**

At Roberta's insistence and with her hard-assed attitude, Bella cracked and spilled everything. Bella hung her head low, her chest heaving and her head spinning, just waiting for Roberta to tell her to get out of her room, out of her life. She could only imagine how someone like Roberta would see her now. Someone who had everyone taken from her, and those who weren't had betrayed or abandoned her...and here Bella had given up her own flesh and blood.

"Oh, my poor child. The pain you must carry within you. Come here."

Bella rushed into Roberta's open arms and sobbed like a small child into her chest. She hiccupped and may have even wiped her runny noise on Roberta's nightgown. But the sweet lady never once pushed her away. She held the young, broken woman long into the night, stroking her hair and whispering reassurances of a brighter future.

Bella felt as if she had found something she never knew she was missing. And she had, she really, really had.

Maybe Roberta wasn't anything biological to her, but she was everything a mom or a grandma should be, and Bella loved the woman as if she were, and for the first time in a very long time, Bella made sure to say what she felt and what she thought.

Curled in together on the small bed, the two women fell asleep, comforting each other in ways only the other could.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest last night, doing pumpkin patch and in-laws today, cleaning and building a shed tomorrow, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	43. Chapter 43

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -43-**

Months passed, life went on; Bella fell into an easy way of life, one that was neither glamorous nor exciting, but one that worked. She found herself in front of an adult shop one day, her face beat red as she clenched her thighs together, just the thought of getting off was almost enough to send her over the edge.

It had been years since she had even thought about pleasuring herself, or getting pleasure from anywhere. She couldn't picture herself with anyone other than Edward- and yeah, she could finally think, even say, his name now without falling apart completely. But a little self-lovin' never hurt anyone. So, with shaky legs and a blazing face, Bella scampered into the store and bolted towards the first wall of dildos she saw. She didn't pay attention to which one she grabbed. She didn't much care what color it was or how many ridges it had; she just wanted something simple, something to satiate the ache between her legs.

She practically threw her credit card at the cashier, not daring to look the girl in the face. "Are you sure you want this dong, doll. Maybe something that gyrates and vibrates might be better. And for only ten dollars more you can get that lil' rabbit over there. Here, lemme show you. Trust me, you'll thank me someday."

Before Bella could respond, the cashier was already around the counter and moving towards a different wall. She tried to keep her eyes fixated on the floor, but a familiar voice calling out her name caused her entire body to tense and her head to shoot up, eyes wide as she stared across the room at someone she never thought she would ever see again.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest last night, doing pumpkin patch and in-laws today, cleaning and building a shed tomorrow, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	44. Chapter 44

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode # 4<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -44-**

"I didn't know, Bella. Swear. I left so early the next morning, and everything was just so hectic at school. They never tell you just how much homework there is in college. I emailed you, though, a few times. But when I never heard back from you, I just assumed you were too busy. I can't believe he left you. What a fucking ass."

"I 'm pretty sure my old email's been closed. I haven't opened it in so many years. Oh, Alice..."

Bella's eye brimmed with tears. Alice had been a close friend during high school. It had hurt her that she had just abandoned her, but to find out now that they had missed two years because of lack of communication. Well, that stung. It all stung, really.

"I missed you so much, Alice."

The two girls held each other tight; Bella glad to have her friend back; Alice raging with anger at the boy who so clearly broken her friend.

Alice was only back for a visit. The two girls spent as much time as possible together before she had to go back to New York. They talked, caught up, and surprisingly Bella told her old friend everything. Well, almost everything, she left out Carlisle and Esme's names. Alice never asked if she knew who had Bella's baby. So, Bella wasn't lying, not really, just omitting a snippet of information. Alice had always been a force to be reckoned with, and Bella didn't want to take the chance with her knowing something about someone so close by. She just didn't know what her tiny friend might do, and she could never do anything that might possibly hurt Esme or Carlisle.

Bella dropped Alice off at the airport, tears shimmering in both girls' eyes as they made promises to stay in touch, to visit, email, and talk on the phone.

Looked like Bella would have to finally make a new email address. Hell, she'd have to buy a laptop first.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	45. Chapter 45

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -45-**

Days passed quickly for Bella after that. She felt like a small piece of her had been put back together. Having someone from her past, someone who knew everything and who was around for most of it, accept and understand her choices was rather lifting.

Leaves fell, snow collected on the ground, decorations went up and down, and after a lot of thought, Bella started seeing a therapist. She had been seeing Dr. Denali once a week for a few months and was really starting to feel better about the future. She had talked through a lot of her pain and learned different ways to work through it. Bella was slowly letting go of her past and the ghosts that haunted her all too often.

March had contained only a few tears as Bella had sifted through her old scrapbook, staring at sonograms and her own sloppy handwriting.

It was a freeing feeling to control your own pain. She allowed herself to feel, but it was her choice how she interpreted that feeling, and Bella chose to smile through the tears, and think about how happy she knew her little girl was, and how happy her new parents would be with her.

In the summer of 1999, Bella bought a gorgeous house on the outskirts of town. It was the first time she had really dipped into the money her dad had left for her, but she felt that this purchase was something he would want for her.

She had a plan, and she was excited as hell to finally see it come to fruition.

She spent all of her spare time that summer painting and buying furnishings, decorations, and a huge swing to go on the front porch. She could already picture herself, snuggled into a blanket and relaxing on it on a hot summer night.

September 1st, 1999, Bella officially moved out of her tiny apartment and into her very own home. She also stayed late at the clinic to talk to Roberta, to complete the last stage of her plan.

As Bella got to know Roberta, she started to really wonder about her. Things just didn't seem to add up. At first, she had thought that the friendly old lady was just spouting woven tales of love and heartbreak and that that had a lot to do with her Alzheimer's, but the more she got to know her, and the more she talked to her, the more it just didn't make sense. Bella believed every word Roberta told her. Roberta never acted as if she forgot a single thing. As far as Bella was concerned, Roberta was completely lucid, and aside from aging and being alone, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

She spoke with the doctor at the clinic about it, and he just smiled at her and said she'd have to talk to Roberta. So, that was exactly what she was going to, and she was going to find out just what was so damn fishy about Roberta's whole chart.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	46. Chapter 46

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -46-**

Surprisingly, Roberta freely answered her questions. For some reason Bella had expected some deep, dark secret that would garner her half-assed answers and half spoken truths. Instead, Bella got nothing but the truth. Doctor Banner was a friend of Roberta's, and when the family she worked for moved away and she had nowhere else to go, he offered for her to stay in the clinic's facilities. It wasn't against the law, per se, but he did have to fib a bit on her charts. There was nothing at all wrong with Roberta, at least nothing medically.

Bella smiled, "That's great news, actually." Roberta quirked her head in wonderment. Obviously curious as to how being lied to all these months could be a good thing.

"I actually had a pretty good hunch that you were okay medically, and I'm relieved to hear it because I have a proposition for you, my dear friend."

Bella explained how she had bought the house, how it had four bedrooms and a giant covered porch. She described in detail the sunroom attached to the side of the house, the huge green yard- just waiting to be landscaped with gardens and flowers, the ginormous kitchen that she couldn't wait to cook in; she told her everything about the house, but she saved one room to the very end.

"There's this room on the main floor. I think it is meant to be a study, but it is rather large, and has huge bay windows; there's an attached bathroom with a sit down shower. I… I want you to live with me; I want that room to be your room. Will you, please?"

Roberta was stunned speechless. Her jaw hung open, slack and quivering. Never had she been shown the level of kindness that Bella Swan had so easily bestowed upon her. The family she'd worked for had been great, treated her well, paid her even better, but the concern and caring devotion that Bella always treated her with, the love and respect that radiated from the young girl was so overwhelming it caused the old woman's heart to swell with pride and love and, most prominently, adoration.

When she was able to regain the use of her limbs and vocals, she stepped up, wrapped her frail arms around Bella's shoulders and sobbed out a happy, "yes".

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	47. Chapter 47

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -47-**

Roberta and Bella fell into a happy routine. They lived well together and spent many a nights relaxing on the swing on the front porch, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting in silence, other times each reading something different, but always together.

On Halloween, the pair donned some witch hats and fake noses and handed out candy to the few kids that had wandered that far out from the main strip of town. Bella laughed when one little boy squealed in surprise when Roberta stuck her painted face through the crack of the door and steepled her finger at him. Roberta, however, felt terrible, but with his father's reassurance and Roberta's offering of a rather large handful of candy, the boy was fine within minutes.

Thanksgiving was spent at the house, Roberta and Bella invited Jake and Leah, and Alice and Jasper ended up flying into town to join them, as well. Bella was surprised by just how many people didn't want to spend the holidays with their families. She knew she would give just about anything to be with her absent loved ones at that time of year.

Still, they all smiled and laughed, and it was great to see all the special people in her life get along so well. Bella felt like a greedy person as she bowed her head in prayer before their meal, silently wishing three more people, maybe even five, could be with her that day.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	48. Chapter 48

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -48- **

Christmas flew by. It snowed a lot more that year, and Bella reveled in it. She built a snowman with Jake and made snow angels with Alice. Then, as Alice hid behind the lopsided snowman, Bella destroyed it in excitement as she attempted to get to her friend.

"For real, Alice? I'm so excited."

"Yep, we move to Seattle after school is out in May. So, just a few more months and we'll be just a short drive away."

Bella hugged her friend hard. It had been a trying journey, opening up to her again, but Alice was so outgoing and friendly, not to mention persistent, it really was rather effortless to include her in her new life.

"So, New Year's. I know you don't have any plans, Bella. So, consider your ass mine."

Bella gulped, knowing any fight was futile. So, she just nodded, eyes wide and stomach churning.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	49. Chapter 49

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -49-**

Bella's therapist was a pushy bitch, and Bella wanted nothing more than to slap her upside the head and knock some sense into her. Just what did the woman not understand about the envelopes being too much for her to handle. With the New Year quickly approaching and her life slowly working its way back in place, she didn't want to do anything to shake her almost steady ground.

But Dr. Denali was persistent that those envelopes held the key to her finally moving on from her past. So, after appointment after appointment of the woman relentlessly badgering her, Bella snatched up the first envelope her fingers brushed against and brought it with her to her session. If the bitch was so damn adamant about breaking her, Bella wanted her to be there to witness her destruction firsthand.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	50. Chapter 50

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -50-**

**Finally, a few answers…**

"Okay, Bella, take a deep breath. If this is what you need, I will be here for you. So, how about you start by opening the envelope?"

Bella fingered the edging of the brown envelope, her breath picking up, her hands shaking so bad that she wasn't sure she would be able to successfully slide her finger under the flap. But she did, just as a lone, fat tear slipped out of her brimming eyes and her chin quivered and her chest tightened.

She feared photos the most. She didn't think she could handle seeing pictures of her little girl, being able to watch her grow through photograph yet knowing she would never actually be a part of that.

"Good job. Now, how about we empty the envelope..."

Before the doctor could finish her sentence, the muscles in Bella's arm spasmed, causing the envelope to drop to the floor and a number of smaller envelopes to scatter out around the large one.

Dr. Denali rose from her seat to help Bella pick up the mess just as Bella's fingers, still shaking, edged towards the first white envelope.

A nervous chuckle slipped past her lips as she read the sender, and she picked up yet another one, her laughter growing wilder, more hysterical, with each one she picked up and opened.

"Do you see this? How crazy am I? You must think I am an outright nut. They...they're all notices of closing accounts, returned deposits, and...and...this one is just some company trying to sell me a burial plot. I...I've been such a cowardly fool. There was nothing in that envelope that would hurt me. I'm...I'm such a fool..."

Ms. Denali placed her hand gently on top of Bella's as her eyes stayed on the return address of the one envelope she had been able to help retrieve before Bella got to it.

"Umm, Bella, you missed one."

Bella's eyes jumped to the solitary envelope. She didn't bother looking at the return sender, she just slipped it open, a smug smile on her face, feeling as if she could conquer the world considering the amount of relief that had flooded her just moments ago, along with the insane amount of stress that had somehow expelled from her very soul.

But she shouldn't have been so hasty, she should have paid better attention to the envelope and Dr. Denali's face; if she had, she'd have known that this envelope wasn't quite the same as the others. This one was personal.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. That being said, I did Oktoberfest Friday night, pumpkin patch and in-laws Saturday cleaning and building a shed Sunday, and Thanksgiving dinner with my fam on Monday. I will update as much as I can, because it is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for y'all, but I may not get to review replies until next week. I hope you understand.<p>

xx


	51. Chapter 51

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -51-**

Like watching a train wreck, Bella couldn't stop herself from reading. She recognized his handwriting right away, and a deep sob strangled its way up her throat and past her lips. She could feel Dr. Denali rubbing at her back. She could vaguely hear her trying to get her attention. But she didn't want that. No, with renewed determination and an aching chest, she began to read the short letter and prayed this might be what she needed to put the whole shitfest of her life with Edward past her.

_My sweet Bella,_

_I have tried calling you, but I keep getting a no longer in service message from that annoying computer voice._

_Your cell has been off for what seems like forever, and I have emailed you countless times, but they keep bouncing back. I am left assuming you want nothing to do with me, and with good reason. I was wrong. I never should have said those things to you. But you know my dad, he'd been breathing down my neck even more often about leaving you, building a life to our stature, one that included a woman he thought worthy. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with him, but it was stressful and had me on edge. He told me he knew you were cheating on me. I never believed him, but then I saw you with that guy, his lips on yours, and I lost it. I don't know what came over me. And even the next day, when I left for school, I was still so clouded by rage and feeling betrayed. I just couldn't see past it all, so I let go. I walked away from the only woman I have ever loved, and I am lost now. I walk around school like a zombie. The only thing holding me together enough to keep my grades up is Emmett. He's my voice of reason, and unfortunately he tells me I should leave you the fuck alone, that I don't deserve you after everything I have done._

_So, I am trying this one last thing, hoping to get through to you, even if to only tell you how sorry I am and how much I always have and always will love you._

_Please take care of yourself._

_And if you can ever forgive me, call me. You'll have to call the school and have someone put you through to my room- 204 dorm 12. I don't have my cell anymore. In a moment of rebellion, I chucked the thing at my dad. Now, I don't have the money for a new one, nor the time to get a job to pay for my own. Dad has made my life pretty shitty, but come June next year, I'll have my trust fund from Gramps, and I won't have to kiss my father's ass anymore. I'll be free, with the means to look for you, to come to you. I can only pray that when and if I do find you, you don't completely despise me._

_I love you, Bella._

_Please don't forget that, and I am so very sorry for being weak, for not trusting in us, trusting in you._

_Edward_

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving today. My turkey is in the oven and I can smell it and all I can think about is eating that damn bird...lmfao<p>

Happy gobble gobble day ;-)

xx


	52. Chapter 52

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -52-**

Bella stood, looked up at Dr. Denali, and void of any emotion, she simply whispered, "You were right," before she turned, stack of envelopes in hand, and walked out of the office.

"Bella...Bella, please stop. We need to talk about this."

Dr. Denali's pleas went unanswered. Bella needed to get home. She needed to think, to purge her mind of all the craziness raging within it. How could it be possible that all these years, all the misery, all the pain, all the mistakes and the adoption, all of it had been unnecessary? She was raving mad at Edward for it all. She was also heartbroken that he now obviously thought she didn't love him anymore. When truth be told that couldn't be further from the truth. She would always love him, always had, always would. He was her other half, her soul, and her heart.

His mysterious call, not that long ago, now tortured her. What could he have wanted? Didn't he state that he was going to give up at one point in the letter if she did not reply, but then again, at the end, he said someday he would come looking for her? Maybe he never gave up and had always been looking for her.

Like a zombie, Bella pulled up into her drive, waved at Roberta and whispered, "I just need some time," then walked into her house and up to her room.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving today. My turkey is in the oven and I can smell it and all I can think about is eating that damn bird...lmfao<p>

Happy gobble gobble day ;-)

xx


	53. Chapter 53

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -53-**

The next day, Bella came down the stairs to find everyone sitting quietly in her kitchen, all with solemn looks on their faces.

"Hey, guys. What are y'all doing?"

Jasper cleared his throat. Leah looked between Alice and Roberta, acting all uncomfortable and out of place, and Jake and Alice looked like they were both waiting for a bomb to go off.

As Bella slowly made her way through the throng of bodies, Roberta was the first to say anything. "We all just wanted to be here for you. You know you can talk to us, right, dear?"

Bella poured a cup of coffee and turned to face them, deciding to nip this weird, awkward shit in the bud right off.

"Okay, listen. I know you are all assuming the worst. I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. I was trying to figure out my own head before I said anything. Yes, there was a letter in that envelope from Edward. No, I don't want to get into it now. I just want to get through New Year's, enjoy my night out with my friends, ringing in a new year, a new millennium, a new beginning; then, I have every intention of contacting him. In fact, I think I am going to fly out and talk to him in person. And before you say anything, Alice-cause I know that look- I know very well what I might find when I get there. The chances that Edward has moved on are probable, but that is not what this is about to me. This is about closure, about saying goodbye and moving on, once and for all. So, please, Alice, Jasper, all of you, let me do this my way. No contacting Edward, no judging him, no hating on him, either. We are both at fault here. I was very angry with him, hurt, feeling betrayed, but what I realized, beyond all of that, was that I was...no, am, just as much to blame in all of this as him. So, even though I know you want to have a side to pick, don't. I don't want to cause anyone anymore pain. Can you guys do that for me?"

Alice flew at Bella, tears in her eyes, and hugged her tight, "Of course, Bella. I'm so proud of you."

After everyone had settled down and stopped acting as if Bella might fly off the handle, the discussion moved on to New Year's. When all was said and done, it seemed Bella was going to be spending her New Year's in Seattle this year.

* * *

><p><strong>Question: What timelines are we looking at for the envelopes?<strong>

**ANSWER- The first envelope was handed directly to Bella from Esme at the hospital just as Esme and Carlisle were leaving with the baby. **

**It has yet to be opened.**

**The second envelope was given to Bella from the realtor when she signed off the last of the papers on the house in Forks.**

**This is the one that was just opened up.**

**Edward left in 1995- Baby was born in 1996. It is currently 1999- going on 2000. The pro, at the beginning of this fic ,was set in 2002. So, it is easy to deduce that this fic is going to fast forward quite a bit after the New Year.**

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving today. My turkey is in the oven and I can smell it and all I can think about is eating that damn bird...lmfao<p>

Happy gobble gobble day ;-)

xx


	54. Chapter 54

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -54-**

Bella didn't have another appointment with Dr. Denali until in the New Year, but that didn't mean Dr. Denali didn't take that into her own hands and call two separate times. Bella answered each one, finding it easier to deal with this head-on rather than to sweep it under the rug. The conversation was actually somewhat pleasant. The good doctor told her how proud she was with how she was coping and dealing with things. She pointed out that this appeared to be a much stronger and mature Bella than the one she first met. Bella wasn't sure if she should take that as a compliment or a jab, but she left it be either way. She set up another appointment for when Dr. Denali would be back in the office after a rather long winter shutdown while she was on vacation. The doctor had worried leaving Bella to her own devices for such a long period of time would be detrimental to the young girl, but after talking to her, decided she was much stronger than ever given credit for.

The night hours, when Bella was alone, she found herself drifting off into old memories all too often, some were just too painful, the ones of her little girl, and she tried to push those aside, not lose herself in the pain of a decision she had made based on the only truth she knew at that time. But, sometimes, thoughts of Edward would lead her in that direction, like the last time they made love. She was pretty sure that was when they conceived their little girl, and just remembering the look of love and adoration in his eyes as he had moved within her was almost enough to cripple her.

During the day, however, she put on a brave face, not wanting her friends to act any differently around her. She went to work, did her job, always smiling. That is, until Ms. Hunter passed away. She had been one of the other lonely souls on Christmases at the clinic, and even though the old woman had been in a vegetative state, she still felt a pang of pain for the woman whose life had apparently forgotten or given up on her. She attended her funeral on New Year's Eve day much to the chagrin of Alice who seemed to think she needed all day to transform Bella into something magnificent. So, as soon as Bella walked in the door at two pm, Alice was all over her, dragging her into the guest room, where she and Jasper were currently staying.

"Holy hell, Alice, it looks like a tornado swept through here."

"Oh, one did," Jasper chuckled as he crept out of the room, "Tornado Alice, to be precise."

Bella couldn't help but laugh at the look of fear on Jasper's face as he made his hasty escape. He was so very right; Alice truly was a force of nature.

* * *

><p>It's Thanksgiving today. My turkey is in the oven and I can smell it and all I can think about is eating that damn bird...lmfao<p>

Happy gobble gobble day ;-)

xx


	55. Chapter 55

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -55-**

After hours of primping and tugging, and maybe even a few tears, Bella was apparently good to go. Jake and Leah had obviously already arrived as Roberta's laughter could be heard floating up the stairs. Jake always had a way of causing the poor woman to double over in stitches with his tall tales and hilarious antics. He really was such a great guy.

Bella found herself genuinely smiling as she descended the stairs, thinking to herself, _'this is my life now, my house, my friends, and really, it is pretty fucking awesome!'_

Jake whistled and Jasper smirked, giving her a thumbs up, as Roberta oohed and aahed over how Bella looked, having never seen the young girl in anything but scrubs and jeans, her appearance was definitely something new. After Roberta had once again reassured Bella that she was fine at home by herself, the rowdy group ambled out of the house.


	56. Chapter 56

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -56-**

Alice had booked a limo to take the lot of them into Seattle and back.

Bella cringed just thinking about how much something like that might have cost, but Alice just waved her concerns off with a flick of her wrist, stating, "What good is being a sought after fashion designer who works her ass off if I can't even spend my hard earned money on the people I love to make them happy...and safe, too?" Then she went all Jekyll and Hyde on Bella's ass, threatening limb removal if Bella got all weepy-eyed and ruined her makeup that Alice had apparently slaved over.

Bella just rolled her eyes at her overly dramatic friend and looked out her window just as they were pulling up in front of what appeared to be an insanely busy club.

"Alice, look at that lineup," Bella gasped, "We'll spend all night just standing in line."

Alice dismissed Bella's worry with a wave of her hand and a sarcastic 'Pfft', "Bella, really. I am much more organized than that. I know the owner. I made reservations."

"Reservations, to a club, really?"

Jake laughed at the look on Bella's face. "Come on, girl. Let's get us some drinks and get our dance on."

Bella sputtered and laughed, "You sure you're not gay and Leah is just your hide-a-hag?"

Leah broke down laughing as Jake's face went a scary shade of red. "Woman, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. But for the record, no, I am not gay."

* * *

><p><strong> I have one more I can post tonight...but only if you want it.<strong>


	57. Chapter 57

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -57-**

The club was huge, crammed with bodies- girls in barely there clothes with their breasts sitting precariously within their deeply veed shirts, and most of the guys looked like their pants were about to bust at the seams just from being privy to watching the girls as they shimmied and shaked.

Bella suddenly felt overdressed. "Alice, we look like old grannies compared to these girls."

"Pshh. No, we look like sexy as hell women who aren't here to take home the first cock that rubs against our leg."

"Fuck those skanks, " Leah piped in, "We put them to shame with our class. Now, come on, Momma wants to get tipsy!"

* * *

><p><strong>So, tonight's to do list for y'all... dig out those old ,hidden away big girl panties. Episode 5 posts tomorrow and it's gonna be a little painful.<strong>

**In the meantime, sweet dreams.**

**xx**


	58. Chapter 58

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode # 5<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -58-**

Alice led them all to a roped off section just off to the side of the dance floor; the security guard nodded at her and smiled as he let them all in. They found a large booth and ordered pitchers of beer for the guys and pitchers of mimosas for the girls, along with a couple shots each to get the party started.

By the time, Bella was finished with her third drink, which she drank in rather quick succession, the shots had kicked in and she was raring to move her body.

"Come. Let's go dance."

The guys opted to stay at the booth while the girls wandered onto the huge, crowded dance floor, drinks in hand, laughing like underage school girls, and already shaking what their mamas gave them.

After the third song, Bella excused herself and made her way to the washroom.

She laughed as she struggled with the pants Alice had wrestled onto her and almost did a face plant right into the open toilet bowl.

Once her pants were back on, giggling like crazy, Bella flung open the stall door and was met with a group of curious eyes.

Bella snorted, "Leather pants are a bitch, aren't they?" was all she said as she washed her hands, splashed some water on her face and backpedaled out of the swinging door, only to crash into a large, hard body.

"Careful there, little lady. We wouldn't want you messing up that pretty face of yours colliding with the floor, now would we?"

Bella gasped, recognizing the voice immediately, and looked up into bright green eyes that were dancing with amusement.

* * *

><p><strong>So, how many do you want today?<strong>


	59. Chapter 59

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -59-**

"Oh my god. Wh...what are you doing here?" Bella squealed, launching herself into his waiting arms.

He chuckled, "It's good to see you, too, Belly Button, and I own this place. So, I'm kinda here all the time."

"You're...you...that fucking Alice..." Bella seethed, already picturing ways of torturing the 'lil witch. But honestly she was happy to see him, even if she had been tricked to get her there.

"So, you live in Seattle now?"

"Yeah, I moved back about two eyars ago. Forks was just too small for all my big plans. So, I settled with Seattle. I tried looking you up, but, woman, you're like a ghost in these parts nowadays, eh? Plus, I wasn't sure you'd even want to talk to me after everything that went down, ya know?"

Bella nodded and leaned into his side, squeezing him tightly. "Of course I would have, and still do. I've missed you. _Our_ issues had nothing to do with you, Emmett."


	60. Chapter 60

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Note:<strong>

**I do apologize to any who feel this fic is dragging out. Really, though, it may be at chapter 60 but these are only small little chapters. I wrote it this way, I like ti this way, and I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll understand if you bail on this fic because of that.**

**That being said...Are you ready?**

**-TLWLW-**

** -60-**

"I've missed you too, Belly Bear." The two hugged tightly, and poor Bella, as usual when it came to Emmett, was gasping for breath within seconds.

Bella pulled back and looked up at him, a huge smile lighting up her face, unshed tears in her eyes. She was happy, so happy, happier than she thought possible. Emmett had been a part of her life for as long as she could remember and had always been like a big brother to her, a protector, and she honestly hadn't realized just how much she missed him in her life until she saw him.

"So, what have you been up to besides running this club," Bella asked as an overly drunken girl stumbled by, bumping into Bella and giggling. "Sorry, you looked so much further away than you really are."

"No, worries." Bella snorted, a 'lil tipsy herself and knowing exactly how the girl felt.

"Not much, really. Finished school and cut all ties with Dad. Mom's a mess, though, not knowing what to do without either of her boys. I think she might actually be seeing a whole new light on her marriage and her husband, 'bout fucking time, too. Rose and I are still together. In fact, we got married last year. Went down to Vegas and tied the knot."

Once again, Bella found herself squeezing Emmett tight. "Oh, Emmy. I've missed so much. Congratulations. I always knew you and Rose were it. Oh, we should go tell Alice where I am. She's going to be worried sick if she can't find me, and Jake, and Jasper..."

"Hold up, little lady. Slow down. I saw you come back here, and I might have actually followed, then waited for you. I passed Alice on the way. She knows you're with me. Don't worry."

"Oh, I'm still going to skin that sneaky snake for setting me up. But I'll deal with her later. Can you drink while you're here? We should go to the bar, get a drink, and talk. I have so many questions for you."

Bella tugged on Emmett's arm, but he didn't budge. She turned back, quirked a brow, and waited for him to follow.

"What's the hold up, big boy? Let's go get our drink on; my buzz is starting to wear off and it has got to be getting close to midnight by now."

Emmett looked at his watch. "It's ten-thirty, but, Bella, I have to tell you something before we go back out there."

"What is it? Can't you tell me at the bar?"

Emmett shook his head, his eyes downcast and his brows furrowed together. He was deathly afraid that as soon as he told her, she would bolt, and he wouldn't even have the chance to get her number. He didn't want to lose her again, but he also refused to play games or mess with her trust. So, he whipped out his phone first.

"Here, put your number in my phone."

Bella looked at him like he was nuts, rolled her eyes, smiled, and put her number into his phone.

"There, weirdo, can we go now?"

"One more thing, Bells. And to be straight, Alice doesn't know this, okay?"

"Okay..."

Emmett took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "Belly, he's here, too."


	61. Chapter 61

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -61-**

"Who's here, Em?" Bella asked, her hazy mind not initially catching what he was trying to tell her.

Emmett grimaced.

"I'm assuming he's referring to me."

Bella spun, almost landing on her ass as she did so. Her eyes went wide; her heart completely stopped before it picked back up at a rather rapid rate. Her palms got all sweaty, and he just stood there and smiled, that same smile she knew so well, looking all calm and... he looked different, older. His face was thinner, his facial bone structure more defined. _Think he'd mind if I licked his jaw? _Bella wondered.

She could hear Emmett chuckling behind her, but she couldn't turn away from the beautiful man in front of her to see what he was laughing about.

"Umm, I've never had anyone ask me that, but okay. I suppose I can let you do that."

Bella sputtered and choked. "Shit, I said that aloud." She felt her face heat up and leaned back against Emmett for support as she began breathing heavily.

"Don't sweat it, Belly. Calm down. He should just be happy you haven't punched him in the junk yet."

Edward cringed at his brother's words. It was no secret Emmett had been pissed at Edward when he found out what had went down, and Bella almost felt sorry for him as he averted his eyes and shuffled his feet. But to be honest, it was nice to see him looking even just a bit unnerved. It made her feel as if they were on similar grounds. It made it all easier.

"I suppose you're right, Emmett. Umm, Bella, I know this is rather shitty timing and all but I've been looking for you for like ever. So, I can't let you out of my sight now without saying some things, and yeah, I know it's New Year's Eve and all, but, umm, wanna come outside, talk for a minute or two? Let me explain some things, please."

When Bella didn't answer, Edward got all fidgety, his hands were wringing within one another and he looked like he might chew off his bottom lip if he didn't pull that plump thing from between his teeth. Fuck! Bella groaned, then mentally chastised herself. This man had hurt her, badly, and here she was swooning over his well-aged ass, or, at that moment, lips.

She looked back and forth between Emmett and Edward...safe and happy and scary and unknown. But then she thought of the letter. She'd had every intention of going to him, just not this quickly. So, really, she knew what she wanted to say. She nodded and held a deep breath in.

May as well start the New Year off with a bang, right?


	62. Chapter 62

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -62-**

Once they were outside, Edward dove right in, no working up to anything; he just put it all out there.

He explained once again how he was feeling when he left, apologized over and over. Then, went on to talk about his life at school. Bella swallowed a lump that rose in her constricted throat as he mentioned being with other girls and it never working because all he could see was her. He told her he had sent letters and even went by her old house the following summer, but found new owners who had no idea where the previous owner had went. He talked about some of the towns' people eyeing him and whispering as he walked through town, feeling defeated and like a sack of shit when an old acquaintance of his father's mentioned her dad had passed away.

"I should have been there for you, Bella, and I wasn't. I can't ever express how guilty I feel. I can't imagine how you handled that all on your own. I'm so sorry. I can't believe Alice's or Jasper's parents never once mentioned it to either of them either. But Jasper's mom is always so drunk and his father isn't much better. So, I'd be surprised if they even knew up from down, never mind the comings and goings around town. I don't know...what I'm trying to say is I can never say anything to make what happened better, but I can pray that one day you'll forgive me and give me a chance to prove that I'm only human and I messed up, but I still love you, always have. And I know I'm probably too late, and you've likely moved on, but I had to come back and at least try."

Edward blew out a huff of air as he stared at the ground, toeing his shoe against the wall. When Bella didn't respond after a while, he spoke again, "Say something, anything, please. Do you think it's at all possible to give me that chance, to let me show you that I'm not the ass I made myself out to be, that I'm still that scrawny kid who followed you around like a lost puppy dog all those years ago?"

Bella didn't need to think it over; she had already thought about everything after reading his letter. In fact, it was pretty much all she had thought about since. She knew they couldn't just go back to what they were before, but she also knew he wasn't completely at fault for all their shit either. And of course there was still the deepest secret of them all, but she couldn't tell him about that, not now, not yet, maybe not ever. Not when everything was just slowly piecing back together; she couldn't risk it. She couldn't lose him now that she just got him back in her life, and it felt right, no matter how much pain or resentment had settled over her all these years, one look at him, one word from him, and none of it mattered. Everything felt right with him there.

"Okay," she whispered, her heart tugging in a delicious way and her fingers twitching to reach out and hold him.

* * *

><p>Say it all together now...awwwwweeee.<p>

xx


	63. Chapter 63

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Last one for tonight, I think.<strong>

**Now let's bring these two into the new millennium, shall we?**

**-TLWLW-**

** -63-**

As the clock struck midnight, Bella didn't share a kiss with anyone, not that she expected to when she went out that night anyway. She did, however, smile, heart swelling as the man she had given said organ to many years ago held her in his arms, both with tears trailing down their cheeks as they thought about a brighter, happier New Year.

Life went back to normal somehow for Bella in 2000. It was a new year and she felt lighter, happier, ready to barge forward, etch out a new path in her life. She continued going to therapy, and Edward had even suggested possibly going together a few times. She'd agreed, feeling like a fraud as she told him she wanted at least one more session with Dr. Denali to inform her of his attendance, when really she wanted to make sure the therapist knew any and all discussions, mentions, or even thoughts of her daughter were off limits and not acceptable. Bella even went so far as to remind the woman of patient confidentiality.

"I understand that very well, Bella, but as your therapist and as a woman who has lived a longer life, I have to tell you that at this stage in your relationship, it is in the best interest of all involved that you come clean. Tell him everything, and then, together, you two can grieve, work through everything, and move on."

Bella dismissed Dr. Denali's suggestion and walked out of the office feeling worse than when she arrived, her mind waging a war within her head; her conscience against her heart.

Her heart was scared shitless. It wanted what it always had, Edward. And things were looking good in that department. She couldn't bear to lose him, or to even disappoint him and hurt him in that way. Their daughter was gone, and in her mind there was nothing to gain by putting him through that sort of pain, causing him to suffer the same loss that she had. Her conscience, however, was a noisy fucker, and nagged and pleaded with her to not rekindle their love with lies and deceit weighing so heavily on it. As she pulled into her drive, her mind was made up, because there, standing on her front porch, smiling and all shiny-eyed, was Edward. Her heart leaped in her chest, thumping at an odd rhythm, as if dancing at the mere sight of him.

She decided she had to be right. Hurting him, dwelling on the past, and delving back into something that no one could change would do no good for anyone.

It was best kept in the past; she would shoulder that guilt and that pain alone.


	64. Chapter 64

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -64-**

February was a busy month for Bella. Alice and Jasper had flown home, anxious to finish things up on their end and relocate to Seattle. Jasper was so excited to be getting his undergraduates degree and move on to starting the good stuff, as he called it, at Seattle University of Law. Bella was rather surprised that Jasper opted to enroll there opposed to Harvard, but wasn't about to argue his decision with him. Him going to school there meant them living close by, and that was a win-win for Bella. Alice was going to open up her own boutique and sell her current 'Pretty in Pink' line on her own. She knew it would be a struggle, getting her name out there without a big name to back her up, but she also had faith that once word got out and people saw her amazing creations, it wouldn't be long before she, herself, was one of those 'big names'.

Edward had finished his bachelor degree at Harvard and had passed his MCATs and USMLE with flying colors and was now transferred to The University of Washington. Apparently, Harvard had been rather put-off by that decision, being one of the most respectable medical schools around, but Edward had wanted to be closer to Emmett, and as he said, earning a girlish giggle from Bella, "searching for her was easier when he was in the same state as he assumed her to be."

He had already finished his first year of med school and was halfway through his second. He now had just under two years left and talked animatedly about his residency, which wasn't for another two years, after taking the step 2 USMLE test and passing it, of course. The excitement that flashed in his eyes was enough for Bella to be excited for him, too. He was going to be a great doctor someday.

He was renting a small loft apartment in Seattle, in order to be close to school and Emmett. He was crazy busy with school, and Bella was rather busy with work. Edward also volunteered at a local pediatrician's office on Saturdays. Bella was surprised a doctor's office was open on weekends, but apparently this doctor amazed even Edward. Dr. Grenady's love and devotion to children was a blessing to witness, and the elderly man worked half days in office on Saturdays just because he wanted his patients to have the best possible care. Edward also mentioned that the doctor's wife had passed away four years prior, and his children all lived hundreds of miles away. It was easy to deduce that Edward had the utmost respect for this man, and it made Bella happy that Edward had found himself such a respectable and hardworking role model.

Because of their busy schedules Bella didn't see him around as often as she'd like, but she understood, and as impatient as she was feeling, she understood they needed to take things slow.

Roberta had started volunteering at one of the local schools as a teacher's assistant. She helped young kids with their reading and writing and loved every minute of it. She was a whole different woman out in the real world, and Bella couldn't help but smile as she saw her dear friend glow with happiness after working with the children all day.


	65. Chapter 65

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -65-**

It was the first Friday of February and Bella had just gotten home from work and had tossed her shoes off, propping her feet up on the coffee table when there was a knock at the door.

She looked at the clock and quirked a brow, wondering who would be at her door at nine at night.

Roberta was already in bed, so Bella rushed to the door, not wanting the knocking to wake her.

Opening it, she found Edward looking all nervous and full of hesitant smiles. The pair still weren't exactly sure how to act around each other, what was and wasn't acceptable and such. So, to help, Bella smiled- she would have anyway just by seeing him- but she knew that calmed Edward, when she looked happy to see him.

"Sorry to show up unannounced. I called earlier. Roberta told me you were at work, which I knew, but apparently it slipped my mind until she said it. Then I remembered. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something, but thought it might be best in person. And wow, you look beautiful, Bella." Edward rubbed at the back of his neck, his head down and a smile playing at his lips.

Bella chuckled at his nervous behavior and motioned for him to come in and escape the chilly night air of February in Washington.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm glad to see you. This is nice...I mean you, visiting, and not on a Sunday and all. Yeah, just come, can you stay a bit? Or do you have to head back soon?"


	66. Chapter 66

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -66-**

"Actually, the office is closed tomorrow. I'm in no rush."

Bella blushed as he maneuvered past her and into her house. He wasn't in a rush, that meant he could be here, they could spend time together, and as much as Bella hated to admit it, a series of ideas crossed Bella's mind, all of them super extra friendly. She had been reminiscing more and more lately about the past, about how his hands felt on her body, the way he moved within her, the connection she felt whenever they joined, the euphoric pleasure that would spread throughout her as he slammed into her over and over again.

Bella groaned as Edward's hand came up and rested on her cheek. "Are you okay?" he asked. She could only nod, her eyes half hooded and her pupils dilated.

"So, what did you want to ask me?" Bella whimpered out as she clenched her thighs together and tried to will away her lust.

"Actually, umm, Valentine's Day is coming up, and yeah, I was wondering if maybe I could take you out on a real date. I won't be able to take you out on the actual date, but Sunday, the day before, I'd love for you to be my valentine."

Bella's heart soared. He had said in no uncertain terms, over and over, that he wanted to try to move past their past, get to know each other again and hopefully regain what they once had; but with their conflicting and often hectic schedules, she was always left wondering and wanting, but with Edward finally asking her out, something real, something tangible, she couldn't hold back the hope that welled within her.

"I'd love that, and it's only a day early anyway. I think it will be perfect, Edward."

Edward stepped forward, his eyes trained on Bella's bottom lip that was secured within her clamped teeth. "Don't do that, Bella," he ground out, his voice husky and low.

Bella stuttered, taken aback by the way his voice was laced with want and pain combined, "Do what?" she asked softly, her eyes never leaving his face.

She knew exactly what he was talking about; it had always been one of his weak spots before. She was ecstatic to learn it still worked, that something as simple as her batting her lashes and chewing on her bottom lip still got to him.

"Fuck!" Edward groaned just as his hands went to her cheeks, a soft, "I'm sorry," slipping past his parted lips just before they were pressed against hers.


	67. Chapter 67

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -67-**

Bella hummed as she leaned into his warm, hard body. That electric charge that always seemed to zing between them was still there, and as strong as ever. Momentarily, she forgot that things were new, that they should go slow, that they still had things they should talk through, figure out. Everything felt so natural, so familiar, so right.

As Edward's tongue slid against hers, Bella pushed forward, pressing Edward against the countertop, and ground her hips into him. She could feel the length of his hardness press against her stomach, and she moaned into his mouth as she thought about him being inside of her.

"Fuck, Edward, please..." Bella gasped as she pulled back for air and nipped at the stubble on his chin, right up his jaw line, just like she had imagined doing ever since she saw him at the club.

"Bella...Bella...we have to...shit...we can't...not yet...we need to stop..."

Bella halted at his words, stings of rejection sweeping through her and causing her to stumble back, away from him, away from his warmth.

"You...you don't want me?" she whimpered, tears stinging her eyes as she gaped at him.

"No, never, always. Of course I do. I always have. I've missed you like crazy. I'd love to bury myself inside of you, lose myself in the feel of your body, but it's too soon. As much as it pains me to say this, I think we need to get everything out, really talk, discuss what we want from each other, that sort of thing, before we jump into bed. Please, Baby, don't look at me like that. I fucking want you, really." He stepped closer to her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her into him. "Can't you tell how much I want you, sexy girl?"

Bella moaned against him, the delicious feeling of him pressing into her clouding her mind once again. "Can...can we at least maybe make out a bit, kiss, touch, while we do this talking you speak of?" Bella begged, no longer ashamed of her unbridled desire for the man who had always lit her body alight like a live wire.

Edward pressed his lips against the hollow of Bella's throat, his tongue darting out and lapping at her soft skin. "Now, that, I think we can handle."


	68. Chapter 68

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -68-**

Bella and Edward spent the night cuddled together on her couch. Soft kisses were shared, occasional gropes of desperation and longing, mixed with whispered reverent promises and tearful explanations.

Edward spoke of his inner battle to walk away from his parents. How much he missed his mom and how that didn't matter because she had sided with his dad, and he couldn't live with all the lies, control, and deceit that came with being the son of Ed Masen.

Bella almost ran right then, knowing sooner or later her secret would get out; and when it did, Edward would look at her with that same disgusted face he got whenever he spoke of his father. It hurt her, deep within the cavity of her chest, to think of that. Feeling it was an inevitable outcome whether he found out now or later, she swallowed that guilt and just listened, wanting to enjoy as much time with him as luck would allow, until fate came sweeping in and slapped her senseless with cold hard reality.

"This all sounds so Forks High, but I want to date you, Bella. I want to be your boyfriend, hold your hand, text you sweet nothings while I am supposed to be paying attention in class, call you my girl. I know everything seems to be moving so fast with us, but it feels right, it feels like we've waited too fucking long already, and I don't want to miss anything more. I want to experience it all with you, together. So, sounding like a bumbling teenager aside, would you be my girlfriend, Bella? Can we be each other's everything?"

Silent tears streamed down Bella's face, her chest heaved and her heart thudded wildly. This was everything, this was huge, this was...so fucking perfect. Her emotions swam rapidly from her hammering heart to her spinning mind, and she was blubbering like a lovesick puppy no sooner had the questions left his mouth. "Of course. I want you, too, Edward. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine. I don't want to share you with anyone. I...I love you so damn much."

Edward pulled her into his chest, holding her tight, a feeling of completion consumed Bella as he whispered, "I love you, too, baby. I never stopped."


	69. Chapter 69

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -69-**

Bella and Edward's first therapy session together was tense. Dr. Denali kept to her word and never once mentioned anything that could lead to a discussion about the baby, but the side looks she'd give Bella made her want to reach across the desk and slap the bitch. She was really getting annoyed with the woman who had come to be such a lifeline for her.

"...And what did you do when your letters and emails went unanswered?"

Edward ran his hands through his hair before answering. "Well, nothing, at first. I thought Bella was still mad at me, wouldn't forgive me. I flew back, eventually, but she was already gone. No one knew where to find her, and all I got from others in town was side-glances and dirty looks. I don't know what the hell happened in that town to cause everyone to go all crazy, but that was exactly how it felt going back there."

Bella choked on her sip of water. Edward had never mentioned that to her. And she was only too sure she knew exactly why everyone was whispering about him and giving him the cold shoulder. She had never once confirmed or admitted her pregnancy, nor had she ever revealed the father, having written on the birth forms that the father was unknown, but the nosier townsfolk likely had built their own opinions, regardless of the truth they didn't know.

Most of the town folks probably didn't even realize she was pregnant, as she spent most of her time hiding from them all. But she was sure some knew, and they all knew Edward and her had been together, but they all probably knew of that night, too. Fuck! Bella was tired of thinking already. She didn't want to dwell on what those people thought of her. She had done what she could with the strength she had left, and she couldn't live with the 'what ifs', there were just too many; they'd drive her mad if she let them.


	70. Chapter 70

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -70-**

After their first therapy session, Edward's schedule got crazy busy. He always found time to text Bella, though, sending her sweet messages like, 'thinking of you' and 'miss you, Baby, can't wait to hold you in my arms again.' To which Bella always replied with less than subtle teases like 'thinking of you, too, your lips, your hands. I can't wait to feel you inside of me again, Baby. It's killing me with all this waiting' and 'I want you in my arms, too. Love the way you feel around me, and in me, too'. She was baiting him, and she knew it, but if he was still anything like he was when they were in high school, he tended to over think things.

Bella planned to push and push until he exploded. She loved him; he loved her. They were in a good place now, and her girlie bits were in a constant state of quivering, damp mess just thinking about fucking the ever-loving daylights out of him. She knew most women would want slow and gentle for their first time...again...but her head was stuck on frenzied kisses and belting thrusts, deep groans, and losing their selves in sensation. Slow, lovemaking could come afterwards. She wanted raw, animalistic, desperate sex with the man she loved, and fuck if she didn't want it now.

Alice called Bella the day before Valentine's Day. She, too, had been extremely busy since returning home, but had kept in contact via text. She asked how things were going with Edward, and when Bella told her, she asked if Bella had mentioned the baby yet. When Bella said no and then confessed she wasn't sure if she ever would, Alice became the third person to tell her that she should be honest with him, start over with a clean slate.

"Listen, Alice, I understand what you're saying. I really do. But I just can't reopen that wound right now. We're just restarting, getting to know each other again, our relationship isn't strong enough to withstand that kind of pain, and I can't hurt him like that. He'd be crushed. Now that I know he never stopped loving me, that everything was just a misunderstanding, I know it would kill him, and I can't hurt Carlisle and Esme like that, either. What if he flips out, doesn't understand why I did what I did, and goes after poor Esme? I couldn't do that to her. It would break her heart. Fuck, what if Ed Sr. found out? It pains me to even think about the whirlwind of pain and distress he would inflict upon the Cullen's. I just can't do it, Alice. Not yet." Bella sobbed silently into the phone, just wanting one person to understand her struggle, to see things through her eyes and with her heart. She felt so frayed, so on edge, as if everyone was judging her, all of her friends, even her therapist for God's sake. She understood their opinions, respected them, even. Why couldn't they respect hers and at least try to understand where she was coming from?

Alice sighed heavily into the receiver, "Okay, Bella. I'll respect your decision, but it doesn't mean I agree with it. I get what you're saying. I do, truly, but I just don't see good things coming from it. This is your demon though, and between you and him. I'll try to support you in whatever decisions you make. But, I am always going to be honest with you, even if it is not exactly what you want to hear, okay?"

Bella agreed, happy to be done with that conversation.

"Okay, now the reason I called..."

Bella gushed about her date tomorrow night and about how she wanted to tease and torture Edward until he gave in and just took her. Then, she asked for Alice's help in accomplishing said task. An hour and a half later, they hung up, a plan to break Edward's restraint all set and ready to go.


	71. Chapter 71

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -71-**

Bella smirked internally at the look on Edward's face as she opened her door on the thirteenth. His jaw tensed and his eyes bugged out, and she just knew tonight was going to be the night. She smiled up at him, showing nothing of her internal smugness and blushed at the feral gleam in Edward's eyes.

"Fuck, Bella...you look..."

"You two have fun now, "Roberta called out as she passed by the hall into the living room.

Edward groaned at being caught and reached out for Bella's hand.

"We should get going."

Bella chuckled, "Yeah, we should."

Edward pressed a kiss to the side of her head before they made their way down the drive, towards his awaiting Volvo.

"So, where are we going, and why did I have to bring my passport with me?" Bella asked as they buckled their seatbelts.

"Actually, I...I'm...well...I actually booked us a suite at a motel on Vancouver Island. I have the ferry booked and we are supposed to head out in an hour. I uh, I thought it would be nice to have a quiet dinner, just you and me, and..." Edward stuttered and mumbled and his face flushed a bright red before he continued. "I...not that I'm expecting anything like that, but I...I just wanted to be alone with you. My only class tomorrow was canceled because the professor had an emergency he had to deal with. So, I kind of changed plans last minute."

Bella laughed heartily, not laughing at Edward, but laughing at his obvious discomfort. If only he knew just what she had in mind for him, he wouldn't be acting all bashful and embarrassed, hopefully he'd drive a little faster to that damn ferry.

"I'm not laughing at you. I swear. In fact, It sounds perfect, Edward."

"Really?" he asked doubtfully.

"Yes, really," Bella reassured him before scooting as close as she could and resting her head on his shoulder.


	72. Chapter 72

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -72-**

They boarded the Black Ball Ferry in Port Angeles with a few minutes to spare.

Once onboard, they walked, hand in hand, around the forward lounge, silently staring off into the dark water. Bella shivered slightly and Edward pulled her closer into him.

"Hey, how about we go check out the gift shop? It will be warmer inside."

Bella nodded, nuzzling her head into his arm as they walked slowly towards the gift shop.

Almost two hours later, they docked at Vancouver Island. They went through customs and were on their way. Edward had a car waiting for them. She smiled as they drove straight over to the motel. As the car came to a stop, Bella couldn't resist making a show of her ass as she swiveled to get out the car before Edward even had a chance to unbuckle his seatbelt. She could hear Edward's muffled groan as he shut the door for her before placing his arm around her shoulder.

Edward cleared his throat, averting his eyes and covertly trying to adjust himself. Bella smirked; she was doing a lot of that lately. Seems her plan was working.

They checked in and got into the elevator. The sexual tension in that small confined place was palpable. Bella unabashedly squirmed, rubbing her legs together and letting out soft moans as she did so.

When the elevator stopped, dinging to notify them of their arrival, Edward practically dragged Bella towards the room. She took a few steps inside, noting Edward hanging back in the doorway.

"I ... uh...booked us dinner in the room. It should be arriving shortly, actually, but until it comes how about you come here and let me kiss you for a while?"

Bella giggled, all school-girl-like, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. "I think I'd like that, actually."

Bella leaned forward, pressing herself into Edward's large frame and molding her body into his. Her lips sought out his and she hummed in pleasure as they began to move together.

Within seconds, their kisses grew frenzied, hands squeezed and tugged and glided along planes and muscles, fingers grazed over pebbled nipples, and moans filled the empty room.

"God, Edward. That feels so good. Please, baby, I need more."

"You like that, love? You feel so good in my hands. Fuck, it's like I can't get enough." Edward's hands slid up Bella's side, stopping to gently cup her breasts before sliding further up, then back down. "What the fuck is this dress made out of, anyway, paint? You look bloody illegal, Bella."

Bella flushed at his words. He was right, the blue dress she was wearing fit like a glove, and although there was no plunging neckline, the one sleeved outfit showed off a lot of skin and the elastic material accentuated all of her curves. Alice had definitely outdone herself on this one.

A knock at the door caused them to jump apart and laugh.

"It seems our meal has arrived," Edward chuckled as he straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair.


	73. Chapter 73

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -73-**

Just as Bella and Edward were finishing their dessert Bella pulled out a small box from within her purse. "I ...umm...I got you something," Bella said nervously, pushing the small package across the table towards Edward.

Edward smiled, reaching under the table and producing a small box, as well. "I got you something, too."

Bella chuckled, "Open them at the same time?"

She knew she was coming across as cute and playful, but really she was trying to deflect any line of questioning once Edward opened his gift. She had worried over giving it to him, but felt it was the least she could do, considering.

"Okay, on three. One, two, three."

Bella gingerly opened the box, her heart stuttering and her breath catching. She looked over at Edward, her heart picking up its pace and pattering wildly in her chest.

She watched with wide eyes as he lowered himself down to one knee, his box left unopened on the table.

"Bella, I know things are happening fast. We've only been reunited for less than two months and we still have so much to work through and feelings and past pains to overcome, but I've never pictured anyone in my life the way I have you. I know no matter what life throws our way we can overcome anything as long as we do it together. No more running, no more hiding, no more miscommunication. Just the two of us. It doesn't have to be tomorrow, or even next year, but it would bring me great pleasure to see this ring on your finger, to call you my fiancée, and know that someday soon, you'll become my wife. You've owned my heart ever since that first day that I saw you, all covered in mud and scowling. There will never be another for me. Bella, would you make me the happiest man alive and say that someday soon you'll be my wife?"


	74. Chapter 74

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**I am so sorry for the delay in posting. I was very ill with pneumonia and in the hospital for short period, as well. I am doing much better now, but not 100%. Updates should continue as normal, though.**

**I will not be replying to past reviews as I am now way behind. Sorry if this upsets you. I will, however, reply to those from here on forward. Bug hugs to the few of you who sent me concerned PM's when I failed to update as usual. You are so very sweet to think of me. Thank you for caring.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -74-**

Bella sat there, stunned and speechless. Her heart was screaming 'yes' but her mind was reeling, exploding with a meteor storm of thoughts.

"Bella?" Edward began softly, rubbing his free hand up and down her bare thigh. She could hear the worry in his voice, and she knew she was probably giving him a mild heart attack, but her body was frozen, her heart hurting, her mind a mess, and she was unable to give him the reassurance, the excitement he so obviously expected. Tears pooled and spilled from her eyes, torrents of pain releasing from deep within her. In her mind, she could see it all; the first day she met him, when he finally asked her out, their first kiss, the first time he told her he loved her, the first time they made love, that last night on the beach, her father's death, her daughter's birth; and without even realizing it, she belted out a strangled wail, her whole body collapsing into a hunched over state as all her plans, all her ideas, all her hopes, trickled away with every streaming tear.

"Shit, Bella. Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you. I thought... I thought you wanted this, too. I don't know what I was thinking, actually. Now, I'm all confused. Please, please stop crying, Love, you don't have to marry me. I'm happy just being with you. Please, say something."

Edward's concern just pushed her deeper and deeper into a mind state she was unable to control, and she found herself sputtering and ready to share what she thought she never could.


	75. Chapter 75

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**I am so sorry for the delay in posting. I was very ill with pneumonia and in the hospital for short period, as well. I am doing much better now, but not 100%. Updates should continue as normal, though.**

**I will not be replying to past reviews as I am now way behind. Sorry if this upsets you. I will, however, reply to those from here on forward. Bug hugs to the few of you who sent me concerned PM's when I failed to update as usual. You are so very sweet to think of me. Thank you for caring.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -75- **

"I...want...I want to, Edward. Please...it hurts... I want to...but I can't. You'll hate me. ...things I've done. I have to tell you first...oh God..."

Bella felt Edward's arms wrap around her, holding her tightly as he pulled her forward and curled her into his lap. She sobbed uncontrollably as she tried to push the words that were climbing up her throat out, but instead they came out as stunted fragments of words that didn't fit together.

Once Bella had calmed down enough to take normal breaths, Edward pulled back, his hands on either side of her face as he used his thumbs to brush away the dampness still lingering under her eyes. "I love you, Bella. Nothing can ever take that away. Something obviously has you scared, and I can see you want to share it with me, but you don't have to, Bella, not if you're not ready. I'm not going anywhere. I have forever to rebuild your trust in me, and when I do, maybe then you'll feel safer in sharing whatever it is that you carry so heavily in your heart. But please, baby, don't push me away, don't give up on us when we're so close now."

Bella squeezed him in her arms, her love for him swelling and growing impossibly stronger as she listened to him put her before his self, accepting her demons without even knowing of them. She allowed herself a moment to think over his words, to try to make sense out of everything. She wondered if maybe he was right, maybe they could move forward, love each other, be together; and when she could get her shit together, then she'd tell him. That could work, right? He had said as much.

"Do you mean it?" Bella whispered, needing to know that he was sincere, that he would wait.

"Every single word. I love you. I need you in my life, and I will take you in whatever capacity you can give right now. The rest will fall into place as we go."

Minutes ticked by as she sat there, curled into him, his fingers gently brushing through her now tangled hair, before she lifted her head and looked him directly in the eyes. "I love you so much, Edward. So much, and I'm sorry for the decisions I made while thinking you didn't love me anymore, so sorry. I want to share everything with you, now more than ever, but it's so hard, and so scary, but if you are really okay with giving me time...then yes, a thousand times yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Oh...oh...oh shit, Bella. Really?" Bella nodded, loving the way his eyes looked all lit up and sparkling, happiness shining from within them.

His lips crashed into hers, urgent and needy, and Bella let her mind let go while her body got lost in the blissfulness of having him, of kissing him, of every emotion only he had ever been able to elicit from her.


	76. Chapter 76

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Citrus alert.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -76-**

Bella moaned into Edward's mouth as his hands roamed over her backside. His touch lit her afire, leaving blazing trails of want and desire in every place he swept over.

"You feel so good, love. Shit...I want..."

"The bedroom, Edward. Let's go to the bedroom."

Edward didn't hesitate; he shifted and pushed up with his legs, lifting Bella with him before carrying her into the adjoining room. Bella continued peppering every inch of skin she could reach with soft, needy kisses. Her heart was hammering in her chest as the rest of her screamed with need.

Kisses turned to nips and licks as Edward slid the one full shoulder of Bella's dress down and bunched it around her waist.

Bella could see by the feral lust in Edward's eyes that nothing about this was going to be slow or gentle, and she felt herself dampen infinitely more just at that thought. She wanted him to take her, slam into her, make her feel nothing but him all around her and in her.

"Fuck, baby, you're so wet," Edward hissed as he traced her lips with his fingers. "I can fucking smell you."

She closed her eyes, her mind clouded and hazed with desire, as he bent down and took a tentative swipe with his tongue. She heard him growl, felt the vibrations shoot straight from her pussy up to her nipples that pebbled just from the sound, as he buried his face between her legs. His strong hands clenched her inner thighs as he lapped at her juices, suckled her clit, and drove his tongue in and out of her.

Minutes, maybe only seconds, later, Bella arched, her whole body lifting from the bed. Edward's hands struggled to hold her down as an orgasm so strong, so wild, soared through her. Her whole body shook violently, her vision turned speckled and blurred, her breathing stuttered and stopped, then blew out in rapid succession. Before she could even regain complete control of her senses, she heard something tearing, then Edward's breath fanned across her face, sweet and warm, "I want you so fucking bad, baby, but are you sure?"

Bella nodded, barely able to form words, "Always."

In one swift thrust he was buried in her. Full and spread, Bella moaned wantonly, her body writhing and sweaty as Edward began to move within her.

He moved quickly, his hips thrusting in and out rapidly, aiming to go as deep as humanly possible. It was delicious torture in the best form. Bella felt full and not just because he was inside of her, stretching her walls to accommodate his size, but full of him, his very essence. Tears of utter happiness spilled forth from her eyes as she rocked against Edward, lost again, after so very long, in a feeling of completion that only being with him could bring her.


	77. Chapter 77

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>...and the citrus continues...<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -77-**

Bella fell asleep with Edward curled around her, his bare chest pressed firmly into her back and his legs twined with hers.

Her body sated and her senses consumed with nothing but him, she slept peacefully until the insatiable man beside her woke her with his fingers parting her lips and teasing at her clit.

She moaned and rocked against him, then growled in irritation as he rolled away from her, her body instantly feeling the absence of his warmth.

She was just about to roll over and demand he get his cute butt back in the bed when she heard the tearing of foil and felt the bed dip back down.

Edward spooned in behind her, positioning himself, and slid right into her, rocking in and out so torturously slow she cried out in desperation.

"Always so wet and ready for me, baby. Aren't you?"

Bella rocked back against him harder, "Please, Edward, please."

"Fuck," he groaned out as she whimpered and begged. "Woman, you're going to be the death of me someday."

His hips shifted and Bella squirmed, desperate, helpless, needing... Then he pulled back and practically pistoned into her, pulling her back by the hips to get even deeper. She screamed out as her orgasm slammed through her, Edward thrusting a few more times before his own movements became jerky and he groaned into Bella's neck as his own release rendered him immobile.

**...**

**As some of you know, I have been hosting the COUNTDOWNS for years now. All past ones are lost as FF deleted my whole account, but I starte a new profile for the current and any new ones.**

**My own one shot just posted today- gulps- and I'm all sorts of nervous about it. But if you'd like to check it out here is the link.**

**I hope this works.**

**If not, you can author search FF Countdowns. Mine is titled Untitled...lol**

** s/10726071/18/Countdown-to-Halloween-A-Mythical-Moment-in-Time**


	78. Chapter 78

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -78-**

"I don't want to go back," Bella pouted as she flopped unceremoniously onto the couch.

Edward chuckled, "I know, baby, but we're going to miss the ferry if we don't get going, and I still need to get some paperwork done before school tomorrow. How about you come with me so we can spend some more time together before I head back to Seattle?"

Bella growled at the thought of Edward leaving and having to sleep alone that night or any night ever again. She didn't want to be away from him any longer than necessary.

"And don't you have to be at work at four?"

She groaned again and begrudgingly got up from the couch. He was right; she did, and if she wanted to spend any more time with him, possibly discussing their living arrangements, then she had to get her ass in gear.

"Alright," she huffed, "Let's go."

On the ferry ride back Bella snuggled into Edward, pressing random kisses against the hollow of his neck as she whispered over and over again how much she loved him.

Just before they docked, Edward pulled away from her and began fumbling around in his coat, "I almost forgot."

Bella quirked her brow, "Forgot what?"

He pulled out two small boxes; the one meant for him and the one meant for her. "I'll open mine later, if that's okay? But, please, allow me to..." he motioned towards her left hand, and Bella's eyes gleamed with tears in the harsh sunlight.

"Oh, Edward, of course."

With a beaming smile, he slipped the ring on her finger and brought her hand up to his mouth, kissing it just as they heard the announcement that they had arrived and could leave the ferry.

Back in Edward's car, they drove in silence. Winding along the twisty and familiar roads, Bella asked, "So, where is it we're going, anyway?"

Edward looked over at her, his eyes flickering between her face and the ring she was absentmindedly fingering, and smiled. "Not far, just to Forks."

**...**

**...**

**As some of you know, I have been hosting the COUNTDOWNS for years now. All past ones are lost as FF deleted my whole account, but I starte a new profile for the current and any new ones.**

**My own one shot just posted today- gulps- and I'm all sorts of nervous about it. But if you'd like to check it out here is the link.**

**I hope this works.**

**If not, you can author search FF Countdowns. Mine is titled Untitled...lol**

** s/10726071/18/Countdown-to-Halloween-A-Mythical-Moment-in-Time**


	79. Chapter 79

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -79-**

Bella's breath escaped her in one big whoosh, and Edward, of course, noticed, mistaking her anxiety for a natural response, when really, it was anything but. Inside, Bella was freaking the fuck out.

The only times she had ever set foot back in that town was during the cover of night, long after the small town had fallen to sleep, and only on the anniversary of her father's death.

Even then, she came in the early morning yet still of night hours. Hunched over her father's grave, she would shed her tears of remembrance, place her flowers beside the one other curious vase of flowers that always seemed to be there, and profess her love. Then, before the moon had even started to fade, she'd be back in her car and halfway back to Port Angeles.

"It'll be okay, Bella. I just have to swing by the school real quick and pick up a copy of my recommendations. Apparently, when Harvard sent them to Seattle they got lost in the shuffle of things. I'll only be a few minutes. And...maybe...if you don't mind, maybe we can swing by and visit Charlie. I, uh, never got a chance to say goodbye, and even though I know it sounds silly, I'd like to at least tell him my intentions, that we're engaged."

Bella shook her head, tears once again threatening to overcome her and break her calm facade. "I think...I think that sounds great, Edward, very sweet of you."

Bella spent the rest of the ride silently chewing her fingernails down to nothing and praying they didn't run into the Cullen's.

**...**

**...**

**As some of you know, I have been hosting the COUNTDOWNS for years now. All past ones are lost as FF deleted my whole account, but I starte a new profile for the current and any new ones.**

**My own one shot just posted today- gulps- and I'm all sorts of nervous about it. But if you'd like to check it out here is the link.**

**I hope this works.**

**If not, you can author search FF Countdowns. Mine is titled Untitled...lol**

** s/10726071/18/Countdown-to-Halloween-A-Mythical-Moment-in-Time**


	80. Chapter 80

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -80-**

Bella waited in the car while Edward ran into the school. He was quick and she saw not a single soul in the whole ten minutes.

She was beginning to feel a little less anxious, thinking that the likelihood of running into anyone at the graveyard was minimal. Maybe she'd escape this impromptu visit to Forks unscathed, after all.

"Oh, let's run into the store quickly while I remember. I, uh..." Edward stumbled over his words, looking all shy all of a sudden, then quickly finished off his sentence, "need to get more condoms."

Bella threw her head back and laughed. She couldn't help it. One minute Edward was all suave and calm, cool, and collected, just like she remembered him, then the next he was all nerves and jitters and stuttering like a teenager. The look on his face was hysterical.

"You know we can grab some back in Port A, right?"

Edward rubbed the back of his neck, closing his eyes as he did. When he reopened them, they were blazing and Bella's breath hitched and her panties dampened just at the sight. "I know, but I'd hate to forget. Then I couldn't have my wicked way with you whenever I felt like it, now could I?"

It was Bella's turn to stutter and blush profusely. That man had a way of fucking with her ability to produce coherent thoughts.

"Come on. Let's go grab some 'ribbed for her pleasure ones'. It will only take a minute."

Bella nodded, following dumbly as she thought about Edward taking her in the back of his car, her on all fours and him plowing into her from behind.

She stayed close to the register, sunglasses still covering her eyes, her thoughts less than appropriate, as she pretended to be reading a magazine.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cope. It's good to see you again. How have you been?"

Bella almost fell over at the sound of his voice. She swallowed roughly, her throat feeling parched as she sagged against the magazine rack.

"I'm good, dear, always good. How about you? How's that sweet girl of yours doing? And the baby, what did you end up having? A boy or a girl?"

Bella's chest tightened, her vision blurred, and her knees buckled as she waited with bated breath for Edward's reply.

**...**

**...**

**As some of you know, I have been hosting the COUNTDOWNS for years now. All past ones are lost as FF deleted my whole account, but I starte a new profile for the current and any new ones.**

**My own one shot just posted today- gulps- and I'm all sorts of nervous about it. But if you'd like to check it out here is the link.**

**I hope this works.**

**If not, you can author search FF Countdowns. Mine is titled Untitled...lol**

** s/10726071/18/Countdown-to-Halloween-A-Mythical-Moment-in-Time**


	81. Chapter 81

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -81-**

"Bella is great. We actually just got engaged, but we don't have a baby, Mrs. Cope, not yet. You must be thinking of someone else." Edward chuckled, obviously thinking Mrs. Cope, in her old age, had mixed them up with someone else.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear. My mind's not what it used to be, forgive me for my mistake."

"Of course. No harm done. It was great seeing you, but I should be going now. You take care, you hear?"

"I will, dear, and congratulations on your engagement, you two always were such a sweet couple."

"Thanks. Bye now."

Bella was still clenching her eyes shut when she felt Edward's hand on her shoulder, and she jumped, startled by his touch. "Whoa, you okay there, love? All ready to go?"

Bella nodded furiously, more than ready to get the fuck out of that town and back to the safety she had built for herself in Port A.


	82. Chapter 82

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -82-**

Bella couldn't find the words to talk to Edward about living arrangements; she was quiet during the drive, and even quieter as she listened to the moving words Edward spoke at Charlie's grave. "You okay, love?" he asked her softly. She just nodded, swiping away a few tears and smiling.

Once home, Edward kissed her into a stupor; she was left standing on her front porch, lips swollen and panties damp, and no Edward to help her with her problem.

Bella grumbled about the injustice of lips and kryptonite as she stumbled into the house.

"How was the date, dear? Come, I want to hear all about it," Roberta gushed as she caught sight of a dumbstruck Bella.

Bella spent the next hour telling Roberta about the proposal and Edward's reassurance that he would wait until she could talk to him about her past.

Roberta was excited for them, once again reminding Bella that nothing good came from secrets, before squealing an Alice worthy squeal and making a beeline for the phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"Alice, of course." Roberta rolled her eyes. "We have a wedding to plan."

Bella sputtered and gaped. She could see that planning this wedding would be rather daunting, especially with Alice and Roberta teamed up. Oddly enough, though, she found herself up for the task, excited even.


	83. Chapter 83

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -83-**

Bella didn't see much of Edward for the rest of February. School was weighing him down and the two hour drive back and forth between Seattle and Port Angeles was killing him.

Bella understood, but it still sucked. She missed him like crazy and in his absence she found herself leaning more and more on her friends, her old insecurities biting her in the ass full force. Jake was always the first to reassure her, reminding her that, in his words, "The boy looks at you like you hung the moon. You're it for him." He was always able to calm her off the edge of a panic attack, and she loved him all the more for it.

"Hey, Jake, I have to talk to Edward about this, but I am sure he would agree. Do you, umm, would you be in the wedding, as a groomsman? I know that's Edward's side of things, but I really want you there, a part of everything, after all the craziness you have put up with from me."

"Aw, Bells. Of course. You talk to your boy, and I'll be whatever you two need me to be."

March wasn't much better. One of the afternoon shift nurses came down with a severe case of shingles, and Bella found herself switched to her shift to cover for her. Working from four until midnight, Wednesday through Sunday, made for certain that Bella and Edward were apart. They spent as much time as they could on the phone and texting, but it just wasn't the same. Bella missed him like crazy. On the fourteenth, Edward came down for a few hours. Bella spent the hours with him cuddled in his arms and watching a movie in her living room, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She had to be back at work at four and had only slept five hours before he arrived.

"So, I was thinking, Alice is driving me bonkers with constant texts about the wedding. She wants a date, something to work with, and I know you have pretty much given her free rein to do whatever she and Roberta want...So, yeah...what do you think about picking a date?"

"Yeah...I'd like that. And I haven't given them complete control. Alice texts and emails me constantly, asking for my approval and suggestions. I want to be a part of everything to do with the day I take the sexiest man alive off the market. I just let her think she's making all the decisions."

Edward chuckled, "Sexiest man alive. Please, woman, I highly doubt that, but for the record, I was off the market the second you said yes."

Bella leaned up, pressing her lips firmly to his. She ran her free hand, the one that wasn't tucked under her own body, along the muscles in his stomach, groaning at the contact and hitching her leg over his.

"I can't wait to be your wife," she mumbled against his lips.

"They want to have an engagement party. It will be the third Saturday in April. I told them that I had to make sure that day would work for you. Think you can get that day off at the clinic?"

"Of course, love. I'm sure Dr. Grenady will understand."

"Thanks, babe. Now, as for dates, how about a summer wedding, late July, so the weather is optimal? We could do it here, in the yard."

Edward pressed his lips to Bella's forehead. "That sounds perfect, love." He pulled out his phone, scrolling to the calendar, and pulled up the month of July. "How about July twenty-third?"

Bella sighed happily, "Sounds perfect, absolutely perfect."

* * *

> <p><p> 


	84. Chapter 84

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -84-**

Edward called on March twenty-third, wanting to come down and spend the night. He had the next day off of school, and Bella was back on the dayshift.

Bella listened to his messages, sobbing inconsolably as she did so, but she never called him back. Instead, quickly shooting him a text that said she couldn't get together until the twenty-fifth. Jake and Leah were over bright and early on the twenty-fourth, trying to keep her spirits up, but Bella just looked at them as babysitters, making sure the unstable Bella didn't do anything stupid.

March twenty-fourth had always been a really hard day for her, but this year, for some reason, it was that much harder.

She spent the day curled up in bed, feeling as if her chest cavity were crumbling. Listening to Jake and Leah's argument that was floating up the stairs did nothing to calm her, either. They were worried, and neither knew the significance of that day. She wanted to cuddle into Roberta's comforting arms and have her smooth her hair, tell her it would get easier. By now, Bella realized it never really got easier, but it was soothing to hear it in Roberta's soft voice anyways, but Roberta was at the school, and Bella felt all alone, even with her two close friends downstairs.

She took out the bottle of Jack she kept hidden under her bed and swallowed a few long gulps. The burn was a welcomed sting, momentarily taking the place of the thundering pain that radiated throughout her.

At some point, she must have fallen asleep because she woke to a thumping head and hushed voices that she could barely make out.

"We don't know, dude. Ever since I've known her this day has been something of a challenge for her. The first year I realized the twenty-fourth held some ghosts for her, she drank herself unconscious. The last two years have been better; I really thought she was getting over whatever it is, man, but now this. It's like she's regressing; she won't even come out of her room."

She couldn't make out the other voice, but she sat straight up in bed anyway, wondering who the fuck would be at her house, noticing her absence?

Her door cracked open, revealing Edward, his hair a haphazard mess and his eyes wary and full of concern. Bella broke down just at the sight of him. Edward crossed the room in two swift strides, wrapping her up in his strong arms within seconds. "Shhh, baby, don't worry. I'm here."

She sobbed even harder at his words; she didn't deserve his comfort or his concern; she wondered if their little girl had his eyes.

"I love you, Edward. I'm so, so sorry."

"Shh, I know, love. I know. Do...do you want to talk about it?"

Bella shook her head, hard, causing her stomach to flip in disagreement with her hasty decision. She gulped in mouthfuls of air greedily, praying she didn't upchuck on him, but the air made the feeling worse, and she jumped up, bolting for the bathroom to empty the contents of her stomach.

His cool hands gently swept across her forehead, pulling her hair back as she dry heaved over and over. Nothing left in her body to purge but her pain, she collapsed into his arms, silent tears streaming down her blotched cheeks. Edward didn't speak, just held her, watching Bella break as she mumbled over and over again, "your eyes".


	85. Chapter 85

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -85-**

For weeks after he showed up uninvited to her home on the twenty-fourth, Bella and Edward's relationship was strained, at best. Bella could tell it was eating him up, wondering and not knowing. He had said as much, that he was scared that the demons that haunted her would one day become too much of a burden for her to carry alone and she would snap. He feared for her sanity, and her wellbeing.

As things started to calm down, Bella thought maybe Edward had let it go once again, until he brought it up out of nowhere, frazzling her nerves and jostling her heart.

"Edward, I want to talk about it; it's going to hurt when I do, both you and me, but today is definitely not the day. Alice, Leah, and Roberta have worked so hard for this; let's just celebrate with our friends and family, okay? I promise, I feel fine, no depression, no suicidal thoughts, just regular ol' me. Swear."

Edward eyed her skeptically, she could see his brain shifting gears, analyzing her, switching into doctor mode for a few minutes before he nodded, apparently pleased with whatever conclusion he had come to.

Bella smiled, kissed his cheek, and whispered, "I love you. Always. No matter what, okay?"

Edward kissed her softly on the lips, the pads of his thumbs rubbing small lines back and forth across the apple of her cheek. "I love you, too, Bella. No matter what, always."

…

"I didn't think we even knew this many people, Alice. Who all did you invite?"

"Everyone, of course," Alice laughed. "All your co-workers, Jake, Leah, Rose, Emmett, Edward's grandfather- only from his mother's side, of course- friends of Edward's from school, employees from the club, some patrons from R Bar..."

"Okay, I get it. Shit. I just didn't realize we even knew this many people. I'm starting to get claustrophobic in my own house. Where's Roberta?"

"She's upstairs helping Rose; her spaghetti strap snapped, right in front of your boss, I might add. I thought the kind doctor was about to pass out, he was so startled by the popping of...well, not the strap, if ya know what I mean." Alice winked and giggled, and Bella gasped. Her poor boss was probably hiding in a dark corner somewhere now, traumatized. He was too kind and sweet to handle the sight of Rosalie's ample breasts.


	86. Chapter 86

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW- <strong>

** -86-**

The doorbell rang, and Alice scurried off, yelling over her shoulder, "I'll get it."

Bella wondered who the hell was left to show up, wasn't everyone here already? She slowly followed behind Alice, eyeing up the grey haired, well dressed gentleman who was smiling warily down at Alice who was chirping away a mile a minute.

"Bella, Bella, come here. I'd like you to meet Mr. Davis, Edward's grandfather."

"You are even lovelier in person, my dear. Edward's old pictures of you do you no justice at all." Bella blushed furiously, wondering just what Edward had told his grandfather about her, and not realizing she had said it aloud.

"Aw, nothing but good things, I assure you, my dear. Now, come here and give me a hug. Let me properly welcome you into our family. Well, at least the one side that still has some semblance of sanity to it."

Bella stepped forward and into his awaiting arms, smiling at the comforting feeling he gave her. Edward looked so much like his grandfather, and if that was any indication as to how Edward would age, well, Bella was one lucky girl, not that she didn't already know that.

"I'm so sorry it has taken so long to meet you. I know the Masens visited you often during the fall months when we were in school. I just...I umm, was never able to make it with them."

"Nonsense, child, I am far from oblivious. I know my son-in-law well, and he has never kept his feelings in regards to you quiet. I know damn well why you never came; you were never given the chance. But that's all water under the bridge now. You and Edward are happy, finally getting what you both deserve, and Ed is the one suffering for his insolence. Now, that being said, what do you have for an old man to drink? I'm parched."

Bella smiled and led him into the kitchen by the arm; she found she already liked this man very much.


	87. Chapter 87

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode # 6<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -87-**

"There you are, Edward. Look who I found," Bella called, still smiling as they walked into the kitchen.

"Gramps, it's good to see you. Glad you could make it. I see you've met my beautiful fiancée already."

Edward hugged his grandfather then came and wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulder. She smiled up at him as his grandfather chortled and teased him. "Good thing you weren't too far. I might have had to persuade this lovely young thing to run off with me."

Bella blushed as she laughed at the look on Edward's face. "Don't worry, baby. I'd never run away with Mr. Davis."

"Please, we're practically family. Call me..."

"Herbert?"

The sound of Roberta's voice, so small and shaky, scared the hell out of Bella, and at once she was by her friend's side, her arms wrapped around her tightly, comforting the shaking woman.

Tears glistened in Roberta's eyes as she stared, wide-eyed, at Edward's grandfather.

"No, Roberta, that's Edward's grandfather. Not..."

"Roberta...is that you?"

Bella's head whipped back and forth rapidly between the two. Roberta was standing stock-still, tears streaming down her face, her eyes alight. Mr. Davis looked as if he had seen a ghost, and Bella instantly worried for the elderly man, hoping he didn't pass out or have a heart attack.

"Gramps, are you okay?" Edward asked in a rushed, worried tone as he pulled over a chair and sat his grandfather in it.

"It can't be...it's been so long...so long..."

Roberta nodded her head as she swiped at her damp cheeks.

"It is me, and you're right, it has been a long time. How are you…Herbert?"


	88. Chapter 88

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -88-**

Fate had a seriously fucked up way of screwing with people. Bella learned that in one of the most bewildering ways possible.

Turned out Edward's grandfather was Roberta's Herbert. The one Bella had oohed and awed over, the very one who had left Roberta broken-hearted and alone.

The party ended with the pair on the porch, deep in a discussion that neither Edward nor Bella felt they should interrupt.

When Herbert bid them all a farewell, hugging Bella tightly and whispering in her ear, "You have given me two of God's greatest gifts today, dear child. I can never thank you enough," Bella hugged him back, tightly, understanding how it felt to be reunited with a love so strong you wondered how you had ever managed to survive without it for so long.

Edward had to physically restrain Bella from chasing down Roberta and bombarding her with a million questions. Instead, together they cleaned up the house as Alice bounced throughout the place, a ball of energy, rambling on about true love having its way in the world.

Jasper was chuckling as he sipped his scotch, seated in the dining room, when Bella, Edward, and Alice finally joined him.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked as he poured himself a drink and sat opposite Jasper.

"Aside from my vibrating Alice? That... Jake and Leah, over there." Jasper nodded his head in the direction of the living room, where the group finally noticed a crumpled together form, moaning and groaning on the living room chair.

"Jake? Leah? What the fuck? Save it for when you're at home, alone, not here, anywhere but here, please," Bella choked out, her hand over her mouth.

"But, Bella, Jakey just asked me to marry him. I had to give him a proper yes, you know?"

"Oh my God. That's awesome," Alice belted out, already halfway across the room, preparing to leap all over the unsuspecting couple.

"Congratulations, you two," Edward said with a chuckle as Alice landed directly on top of Leah and Jake. Jake let out a humph as Alice stole the very breath from him, and Leah grimaced as Alice began chattering animatedly about color schemes, floral arrangements, invitations, and dates.

Bella laughed, her head thrown back and her stomach aching from the force of it. "What goes around comes around, my friend. Now you'll know how it feels, too," she teased, a twinkle in her eye and her heart swelling with happiness for her friends.


	89. Chapter 89

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>A longer one than normal 'cause it might be the last one for the day...and it comes with a citrus alert too…<strong>

**Mwah**

* * *

><p><strong> -TLWLW-<strong>

** -89-**

Leah and Jake got married the next month, no huge planning, much to Alice's chagrin. They wanted to get married in Vegas, make a weekend out of it since neither could manage to leave the bar for any extended period of time. Alice did, however, drive Leah nuts with dress options and bridesmaids' dresses. For a Vegas wedding, she was going all out, considering most weren't even done in actual wedding dresses.

Bella had left Alice and Leah to battle out final plans and decisions, like which motel they would stay in and what things they would do while they were there. She had enough on her mind with her own upcoming wedding, work, and her appointments with Dr. Denali.

She only went to see her bi-weekly now, but it was enough to leave her shaken and edgy for at least a week afterwards. She thought it was a good thing Edward was crazy busy with school or he'd be questioning her constantly about why she continued therapy if her therapist upset her so much. Sometimes, she wondered the same thing, but, really, she already knew that answer; she had already purged her darkest secrets to Dr. Denali, Tanya, as she had recently insisted she be called, there was nothing left to hide, no slip-ups, just straight up honesty, and where Tanya was objective yet still gave her professional opinion, she didn't flat out tell Bella that how she was dealing with things was wrong. Instead, she took an approach Bella could work with, baby steps, working through her fears and working with her strengths. This made Bella feel like she had more control, something she feared was slowly slipping away from her.

The wedding was a spectacle; Jake cried, not Leah. Leah wore a black dress, which almost caused Alice to have a coronary, and Jake wore a white suit. It was ass-backwards, but somehow, for them, it was perfect.

Bella was disappointed at the lack of alone time she got with Edward, but understood this weekend was not about her. So, she humphed and sucked it up, but when she saw an opening, she dove right the fuck in. On their last day there, they were all supposed to meet up for breakfast before hitting the town and then making their way to the airport. Edward was in the shower, getting ready for the day. Bella decided to join him; there was no way he'd be able to say they were too busy with her naked and wet and right there in front of him. It had been way too long since they'd last had sex, and Bella was determined to remedy that serious injustice.

"Bella, what..." Bella cut Edward off with her lips. She moaned at the contact and found herself already squirming with need.

"Please, baby, I need you inside of me. Now."

"Fuck," Edward hissed out before he grabbed her by the waist and spun her around, pinning her body between his own and the wall. He ground his erection into her stomach and bit down gently on her neck.

"Who am I to turn down such an enticing offer?" Edward teased, his eyes dark and full of want. "Hang on, baby, this isn't going to be gentle."

Bella almost squealed in excitement. She lived for these moments, when Edward would tuck aside his gentlemanly ways and take her, wild, rough, and fast.

He lifted her up, her legs automatically wrapping around him; her soaked pussy guided him right in, no aligning needed.

"God, baby, never...never tire of the way you feel...so fucking good," Edward ground out through gritted teeth, his eyes clenched and the muscles in his neck bulging.

Bella came, hard and loud. It was just too much, the sight of him so lost in pleasure, his words, the filling feeling of him inside of her.

As her muscles clamped and fluttered around his hard cock, Edward growled and slammed into her over and over, his movements slowly becoming erratic and his breathing speeding up.

He slid his hand down her stomach as he kissed and nipped at her neck; she whimpered, already knowing what he was doing and so fucking desperate for it.

When his fingers came into contact with her swollen clit, it was almost too much, almost painful. She was so sensitive, but as he swirled his finger and pinched, she felt him swelling and pulsing within her, and she opened her mouth in a silent scream as her second orgasm swept through her, intense and hard, rendering her speechless.

**...**


	90. Chapter 90

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Shhh.. I snuck back to the computer to post another. Don't tell my husband I was here. :-P<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -90-**

"Baby, do you think love feels this right for other people?"

"I hope so," Edward replied softly, his head nuzzled against Bella's bare breasts as his fingers trailed designs on the pale skin of her stomach.

"So, you don't think our love is a special love?"

"Of course I do, but I have to believe that other couples out there can love just as strongly as us. If they didn't, our world would be in for a hell of a lot more hurt; and what kind of world would that be?"

Bella nodded, knowing he couldn't see her movements but could feel them.

It was a Sunday afternoon and they had yet to leave her room. Instead of enjoying the sunshine and feeding their grumbling stomachs, they chose to cuddle for their warmth and feed on each other's kisses and bodies.

"I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What's that, baby?"

Edward gulped hard and audibly, which Bella took as obvious nervousness, causing her to tense up.

"School finishes next week..."

"Yeah," Bella said warily, wanting him to just spit it out. Was he leaving for something to do with school? He couldn't be. Their wedding was in two months. He wouldn't really leave her to deal with all of it on her own...would he?

"I'll start my residency after my USMLE, and my lease is up at the apartment…and the wedding is in July. I just...it makes no sense, ya know? For me to keep it..."

When it finally clicked, and she knew what he was getting at, she jumped up so fast, knocking a startled Edward off of her, and shrieked in excitement.

"You want to move in? Here? With me?" Bella asked excitedly, perched on her haunches in front of him and bouncing.

With wide, amused eyes he nodded his head. "I didn't want to presume. This is your house, after all. But...but, I don't want to live apart from you anymore. I want to know I am going to hold you close to me every single night. Well, unless you are on the night shift, which you never are, but, yeah. I want to wake up two hours earlier than normal to get to my residency, because those two hours of lost sleep will mean that I can wake up with you in my arms, and I can start my day off smiling to your soft snores and those little grunts you make when you're sleeping..."

"I do not..." Bella gasped, feigning ignorance.

"You do, and I love it," Edward stated, smiling down at her and placing a teasing kiss on the tip of her nose.

She giggled in response, soft and playful.

"So, what do you think, baby, would you want me to live with you, here, in your home?" Edward pulled Bella towards him; she shimmied closer on her knees and looked him in the eyes, her own brown ones shimmering with love and excitement.

"Of course, baby. And it's our house, ours, all of it, ours. There is no mine or yours. We're in this together, remember?"

Edward smiled, dipped his head down and kissed her hard. "Yeah, I think that sounds just about right."

**...**


	91. Chapter 91

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -91-**

"Bella, dear, do you have a minute?" Roberta called as she stepped out of the back door and joined Bella on the deck.

It was one of those rare days Bella had off of work, and Edward had gone into the clinic because Dr. Grenady had called him in a panic when both his secretary and nurse had called in sick that morning. The sun was shining and the air warm, so she decided to spend her morning enjoying it.

"How are you doing? We haven't seen much of you around here lately. How's Herbert? How are things with you two?"

Roberta sighed, her pupils dilating as she smiled, huge and dreamily.

"He's so perfect, Bella. We've spent a lot of time together talking, and we've missed so much. I know everything now. How my brother beat him to within an inch of his life and his family sent him away, somewhere safe, somewhere where my family couldn't do anymore damage. He said he had a hard time letting go, that he had always loved me, that my brother forced him to sign that letter, threatening his family's safety as well. I hate them, Bella, if possible, even more now than before."

"Oh, Roberta. That's heartbreaking. And now? Now what does he want? What do you want?"

She looked off into the yard, just staring and not saying anything for a moment, before she looked up at Bella, tears shining in her yes, "I want to live. At first I was hurt that he had been able to move on when I couldn't, but now, after talking to him, being in his home and seeing the pictures of his life these past fifty some odd years, I can't hate the life he lived. He loved another woman, gave her children, raised them together, then watched her die. Never once did he stop loving me; he just made room to love another and lived the life that was available to him. I wouldn't wish the loneliness I have lived with on anyone, never mind the man I have loved for my entire adult life."

Bella chuckled, "I'm kind of glad you feel that way, otherwise I wouldn't have Edward."

"Anyway, dear. Herbert and I have been talking and...we've missed a lot of years together. Somehow, over that time, our connection, our love has remained a constant and is stronger than ever. We're not getting any younger, and we just want to accept the past for what it is and begin a new chapter in our lives, together. He's...he's asked me to move in with him, and I've said yes."

Tears sprung to Bella's eyes. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for her dear friend, but she would miss her. She had gotten used to having her around and looked at her as a grandmother, as family. It would be hard to be so far away from her, even if it was only two or so hours away.

"I'm so happy for you, Roberta. So happy," Bella croaked, throwing her arms around her and sobbing into her shoulder.

"Bella, are you sure? You don't look so happy. What's with the tears, dear?" Roberta stroked Bella's hair, humming softly in an attempt to soothe her.

"These are happy tears, swear. I'm...I'm just going to miss you is all."

Roberta chuckled softly, "Trust me, dear, you won't have the time to miss me. That man of yours is going to keep you so busy, and your work, and Herbert and I have every intention of visiting often. You are marrying his grandson, after all."

Bella pulled back and sniffled, smiling up into Roberta's sparkling eyes. "I'm so happy for you. I don't know what came over me. So, when is this all taking place?"

Roberta replied softly, "This weekend."

**...**


	92. Chapter 92

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -92-**

Edward moved in; Roberta moved out, and Bella felt as if her world had tilted. Everything was different, like starting all over. Sure, she still had Edward, and her friends, and her job. Roberta would visit and Bella would visit her, too. But something just didn't sit right in the whole equation. Bella actually found herself wanting to talk it through with Tanya. However, she was gone for the summer and wouldn't be back until September.

The wedding was fast approaching, and even though Bella was beyond ecstatic to be marrying Edward, she just couldn't shake that feeling, that odd off balance feeling, like something was missing, or out of place, or just plain gone.

Her spirits lifted as the days passed. Bella felt bad for being so off recently and decided to surprise Edward the Saturday before the wedding. She went into town, to the same sex shop she had reunited with Alice in, and found the same sales girl sitting behind the counter, twirling a string of... "What are those?" Bella asked, eyeing the strange beads with curiosity.

"Oh, these? Anal beads, of course. I'm supposed to promote them this week. My boss has too many in stock and is selling them half off. Here, let me explain how they work..." Bella held her hand up, her face flaming, as she shuddered in revulsion at the, now, not so interesting string of beads.

"That won't be necessary. Thanks anyways. I'm actually looking for something to wear, something to drive my fiancé wild."

"Oh, I have the perfect thing. Come here." The young girl grabbed Bella and led her towards the lingerie section. Bella balked and blushed furiously at some of the pieces, but smiled gratefully when the sales girl held up a couple of choices that appeared to be more of what she would want.

"I like the crotch of my clothing, um... present. So, that one's a no, but this one, I think it might just be perfect.

Bella smiled, happy to be one step closer to surprising, and pleasing, her man.

**...**


	93. Chapter 93

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I have been pretty slow a review replies since I have been back, for that I apologize. However, I would like to send out smooches and huggs to :<strong>

biblepam

MinaRivera

hapakids

PastOneonta

Debslmac

2muchtrouble

twilightstuff

angietwnsnd

and

marymary123 for taking the time to review, share their thoughts with me, and let me know they are still out there and reading.

xxooxxoo to you all.

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -93-**

"Bella, you up there?"

Bella shot across the room, diving onto the bed and placing her body strategically across it. Her ass in her newly purchased barely-there panties was on full display, and her left leg was bent as she looked over her shoulder in the direction of the doorway just as Edward walked in, stopping dead in his tracks as he noticed her on the bed.

"What the fuck? Holy shit!" Edward scrubbed at his face with his hands, his eyes raking over her body and widening more and more each time.

"What the fuck are you wearing, baby? I think I just blew my load in my pants." Bella giggled at his reaction and reached back and rubbed her hand over her ass.

"Oh, this, it's nothing. I wear this around the house all the time waiting for some sexy man to take pity on me and rid me of this uncomfortable ache," she teased.

She whimpered when he hissed, his eyes slanting as he tore off his coat, snapping a button in the process. Before she had a chance to regain her bearings, Edward was on top of her, his shirt off and already working on his pants.

"Not just any sexy man, Bella, me, only me," he growled as he gently swatted at her ass. Bella was startled for a moment, not used to being hit, even in such a gentle manner, but then she realized that the warming sensation spreading out from where he had swatted her was actually a serious fucking turn-on.

**...**


	94. Chapter 94

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Citrus ahead….just saying… <strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -94-**

Edward's finger thrust into her heat, and she moaned at the feeling of him so deep inside of her. "You're so fucking wet, baby. You like that, don't you, my naughty girl, when I slap your ass?"

Bella was astonished to find her head bobbing, a smirk on her lips, before her mind had even had time to process what he had asked.

"Fuck. The things I could do to you," Edward hissed out, adding another finger to her drenched pussy and thrusting it in and out, as his free hand rubbed soothing circles on her ass cheek.

She pushed back onto his fingers, wanting more, deeper, bigger, wanting him, his cock, inside of her, stretching her. "Oh no, I am going to have you begging for my cock before I even think about being inside of you. I want to hear my bad girl beg, baby. Can you beg for me yet?"

Edward's voice had deepened, grew more demanding, and it caused shivers and want to overtake Bella's body. She trembled and made an embarrassing mewling sound as she felt her orgasm threatening to explode within her just from his fingers and his words.

She rolled her hips and closed her eyes, welcoming the blissful release, not answering Edward's demand, unable to even form words. Then, his fingers were gone, and her eyes snapped open, darting towards Edward, and squinting in disapproval. "Not yet, baby. I want you to scream out my fucking name when I finally let you come. Think of it as a way to remind you of who owns your sweet body."

**...**


	95. Chapter 95

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>and the citrus gets sweeter...<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -95-**

Edward's hand came down on her ass again, this time harder, but before Bella could react to it, he raised it once more and slapped the same spot again. The sting caused tears to spring into Bella's eyes, but before they could pool and escape, she felt Edward's fingers slide in between her slick folds once again, instantly sidetracking her from the sting and causing her to moan wantonly.

"Fuck, Edward, please, no more. I just want...I want..."

"Tell me, Bella, tell me what you want. Say it..." Edward hissed into her ear as he leaned over her, his fingers still pumping a fast rhythm within her.

"I...I...I need..."

Edward removed his fingers, sliding them slowly up and down her slick, sensitive skin, teasing around her swollen clit, before sliding back into her wetness. Bella arched as he circled around her opening, and let out a whimper as his fingers moved up, higher, higher, until he was rubbing small circles and putting mild pressure on Bella's bottom hole.

She bit back a moan, conflicting feelings of fear and desire shooting through her. Never had Edward touched her there, and the act seemed so taboo to her, but, shit, did it feel fucking amazing.

She felt Edward's breath fan across her cheek and she opened her eyes, looking up at him and meeting his gaze, his eyes wild and dark. "Someday, I'm going to put my cock in there, "he growled out, "I can see already that you'll fucking love it," and with that he slammed his cock deep into her pussy, causing her orgasm to rip through her as she screamed out his name.

**...**


	96. Chapter 96

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -96-**

"Bella, put down the cell phone and get your ass over here," Rose barked, causing Bella to jump and blush at getting caught sexting with Edward.

"What are you texting over there that has you all flustered and red?" Alice chirped, almost falling off of the bed as she bounced precariously, trying not to spill her drink at the same time and failing miserably. She scowled down at the red stain that was seeping and spreading between her legs, "Aw fuck! Why do beds have to be so wobbly?"

"The bed's not wobbly, Alice, that's you," Leah chuckled.

Bella was so amused by her friends' antics that she didn't see Rose sneak up beside her until she had snatched her cell phone right from her hands.

"Give that back, Rose."

Rose held the phone high up, pressing buttons as she did, before lowering it briefly. "Aw, our little girl is growing up, sexting on the night before her wedding. And Edward, wow, his momma should wash his mouth out with soap; his mind is one kinky place to..."

Bella jumped, interrupting her and taking her phone back, a scowl on her face. "That's private, Rose. Now shut up."

Rose had the decency to look sorry. "Sorry, Bells, I didn't realize it was that big of a deal." Rose shrugged her shoulders and Bella glared at her, "Well, it is. What we say or text in private is none of anyone's business. Now, if I put my phone away can we drop it?"

"Deal," Alice yelled. "Now, come fucking drink with us. You're gonna be a married woman this time tomorrow. Let us have our last night with our single friend, will ya?"

Bella rolled her eyes, snapping up a bottle of some fruity, alcoholic liquid, unable to stop the smile from spreading wide across her face. Annoyingness and all, she loved the shit out of her friends.

**...**


	97. Chapter 97

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -97-**

Bella's nerves hit an all-time high as Alice finished curling her hair. "I can do this, Alice, right? I can marry him, love him, and ...even..."

"Calm down, Bella, before you give yourself a rash. He loves you; you love him. This day has been written in the stars since you both were too young to even know what fate was, never mind love and forever. He knows something happened when he was gone. He's a smart man. If he says he can wait and be patient with you, then I know he can. We both know how Edward is; he's not going to stop loving you now. Yes, I think it's going to sting like a bitch when he learns the truth, but in time, he'll see why you did what you did and why it was so hard to tell him. He'll understand, even though it will hurt. You'll just have to give him time."

Alice smiled down at her, swiping at the dampness beneath Bella's eyes that threatened to spill over into runaway tears.

"Now, that man out there is waiting for his bride, and Jake should be here any minute to walk you down the aisle. So, get your happy on and let's do this wedding."

A minute later there was a knock at the door, and, as if Alice was psychic or some shit, there was Jake, all smiles, white teeth, and crinkled eyes. Alice hugged her tightly before pulling away and squealing "it's time," as she skittered out of the room.

"You look gorgeous, Bells," he whispered a he pulled her up and hugged her. "You ready to start the rest of your life?"

Bella nodded, smiling up at him. "I'm glad we decided on this instead of you being a groomsman, Jake. I'm glad you're the one here with me."


	98. Chapter 98

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Some smooshy fluff to warm your night ;-)<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -98-**

Soft music floated towards her as she stood off to the side of the doorway, inhaling large, deep breaths to calm herself.

The soft tempo switched up and got a little louder, a little faster, and that was Bella's cue to start walking. Her feet moved of their own accord, even though Bella's heart was beating painfully in her chest. A smile broke out on her face the moment Edward was within her sight. And the moment Edward's face broke out into the most glorious, heartwarming smile ever, all reservations and worries were a thing of the past. This man was her everything. All she could think about was getting down that pebbled isle faster, saying their vows, and being in his arms once again.

Alice winked at Bella as she passed by her. "Take good care of her, you hear," Jake said in a deeper than normal voice, puffing out his chest as he smirked at Edward and shook his hand.

"Always," was all Edward said, before he held his hand out to her, and then she was there, in front of him, and his smile was so radiant, so full and warming and clouded with love. Silent tears streamed down her face as the minister began the ceremony.

Not once did Bella pull her eyes from Edward's, not even when the minister told her it was time to read her vows. She knew them by heart; every single word was from deep within her soul. How could she forget?

"I, Isabella Marie Swan, promise to love you, irrevocably and without condition. I will be there for you whenever you may need me, and even in the times when you don't realize you do. I promise to support you in all of your decisions, unless of course they include painting the bathroom orange, in that case I may have to talk some sense into you." The guests snickered at her statement, most not realizing that when Edward was younger he once said that when he had his own house it wouldn't be pink and frilly like his mom made theirs, it would be manly and orange, with no frilly stuff in sight. Little did he know then, but nothing about the color orange screamed manly to anyone, it was just plain gross.

"I promise to work hard on being a stronger person for you, to make myself worthy of the love you have given so freely and unconditionally. But most of all, I promise to always be by your side, even when I'm angry or upset with you, nothing can ever cause me to leave you to face anything alone, ever again."

Bella sniffled as her words flowed easily from her, the depths of them and the truths behind them, along with the unspoken promise she pledged in her heart to one day trust herself enough to trust him.

When it was Edward's turn to say his vows, Bella's breath caught in her throat as it constricted with tears. His eyes were glistening in the sunlight, pools of wetness swimming, yet not falling.

"I, Edward Anthony Masen, promise to love, honor, and cherish you for all the days of my life, and well into the next life, too. You have always owned me, Bella, heart, body, and soul, and aside from all of our friends and family being here to share this with us, today is no different than any other in my mind. I have always loved you; you have always been it for me. There will never be another. Today is just the day I announce that to the world, sign a piece of paper with my name beside yours, and place a ring on your finger that matches my own as a token of everything that always has been. Here, before all of our loved ones and God, I give you my everything, in return only asking that you love me just as unconditionally. I promise to love you through it all, good times and bad. I will never abandon you when you need me, and I will always support you, even when you're forcing me to listen to you read that wonky fan fiction stuff that hurts my brain just thinking about it. I love you, Bella Swan, and everything that makes you, you."

As the minister finished, Bella found herself unconsciously moving closer to Edward, their once arm's length distant closing, as she leaned and shuffled minutely. As the minster announced them husband and wife, their lips were already ghosting, lost in each other's loving gazes.


	99. Chapter 99

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>...some playful lovin'...<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -99-**

"Baby, you look so sexy looking up at me like that. I could stay this way forever, buried deep inside of you with that look on your face."

Bella groaned at his words, dirty yet so sweet at the same time. "Less talking, Edward...more moving," Bella pleaded, desperate to reach that high that was there, teasing within the tight confines of her stomach, coiling, waiting.

"More?" Edward teased, sliding back out slowly, then pushing back in just a slow. It was torturous; it was maddening. It was a delicious way to lose one's sanity.

"Yes, always, more," Bella panted out, reaching up and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck to pull him down to her. She nipped at his bottom lip and linked her legs around his, making it hard for him to tease her any longer. His cock seated deeply in her tight pussy, she wiggled and thrust backwards, into the bed, causing the most delicious friction against her clit. Within moments, Edward was growling above her while her body jerked and trembled as her orgasm consumed her, pushing him into his own.

"Fuck, baby, there's just no going slow with you, is there?" Edward panted out, flopping down beside her on the bed and pulling her into his arms.

"Not that slow, you evil tease," Bella growled, her eyes shining; her voice laced with warning.

"I guess I was kind of hard on you, wasn't I?"

Bella nodded rapidly, pouting out her bottom lip and batting her lashes.

"Aw, I'm sorry, love. I promise. No more teasing, 'kay?"

"Well, maybe just a little is okay," Bella confessed, nipping at his jawline before slipping out of his arms and out of the bed.

"Now, get up. We're in Jamaica. Let's go enjoy it before we're out of daylight hours." Bella wiggled her bare ass playfully, squeaking in surprise when Edward let out an animalistic growl and jumped out of the bed and darted towards her.

Swooping her up into his arms, he squeezed her tight and kissed her nose, "You'll pay for that little tease, Bella. Tonight, that cute ass of yours is all mine."

Bella balked at his words, playing them over and over in her head. "My ass?" she squeaked out.

Edward eyed her for a moment, before breaking out into raucous laughter as he took in Bella's widened eyes and confused expression. "I didn't mean like that, but I wouldn't say no to trying that either," Edward choked out over his dying laughter, his eyes glazing over and a smirk on his face.

Bella swatted at him. "Get your mind out of the gutter and get dressed, you pervert."


	100. Chapter 100

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>...some fun in the sun for those of you who are still out there...<strong>

**seems I lost most of you wih this 'slow-going drabble' :-(**

**-TLWLW-**

** -100-**

Bella groaned in pleasure. She was enjoying this time alone with Edward, a little too much actually. She was lying on a deserted beach, the sun just setting, but with a lingering warmth still in the air around them. Edward rolled on top of her, his body covering hers, immediately slipping into her wet heat. He moved in and out of her at a deliciously torturous pace. When she felt like she couldn't take any more, like she would burst if she didn't find her release, she lowered her hand, sliding it down her sweat-slicked stomach and rolled her fingers over her swollen clit.

"God, Edward, so close," she whimpered, lifting her lower half off of the ground, closer to him, deeper.

"So close to what?' she heard Edward ask softly.

She moaned deeply as he hit that spot deep within her, and feeling the head of his engorged cock flick and rub as he pulled out and pushed back in, left her writhing as her body exploded, her hips gyrating erratically and her hands clenched.

"Bella...Bella...Bella..."

As she bit back a scream, her eyes flew open. Edward was staring down at her, a smirk gracing his beautiful face. "I'm not even going to ask what you were dreaming about, my love. If the loud whimpers and breathy moans of my name weren't enough, I'm pretty sure I just watched you have a wet dream about me."

Bella was beyond embarrassed. Her whole body flushed in humiliation and her eyes clenched shut.

"Oh no, baby. Don't be embarrassed. That was seriously fucking hot." He grabbed her hand, placing it against him so she could feel just how hard he was, and fuck was he ever hard.

He leaned down, swiping his tongue along the shell of her ear before whispering, "I almost came in my pants just at the sight of you writhing in your sleep, moaning my name. Thank God no one was around to witness that but me, or I might have to kill a fucker."

Bella choked out a laugh before looking down at the tented bulge Edward's swim shorts were sporting.

She licked her lips, batted her lashes, and gave him what she hoped was a seducing look. She shimmied down in the sand, still looking up at him from below her lashes and smirked, "Here, let me help you with that, "she whispered, her breath ghosting across his hardness as she pulled his shorts down, letting his cock spring free.

"Fuck," Edward grit out, his eyes sweeping over the area, even though he wanted nothing more than to keep his sights on his beautiful wife with her mouth full of him.

* * *

><p><strong>As I struggle, as usual, to catch up with the countdowns and posting this I will thank review senders this way. Hope that's okay for now :-S<strong>

**AzLady**

**PastOneOnta**

**Hapakids**

**Debslmac**

**Nelleke**

**twiclare**

**SaoThwee**

**2muchtrouble**

**Thanks for sticking with this fic and supporting me. Your words and smileys make me smile and push forward. You ladies rock!**


	101. Chapter 101

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>..seriously short...<strong>

**But I'll post one right after to make up for it.**

**xx**

**-TLWLW-**

** -101-**

Upon returning home, Bella was flying high on love. She hadn't been this happy in a very long time, and it was freeing, cathartic to her soul. Edward was good for her; she'd always known that, but this feeling, this connection that those simple vows had caused for her, was indescribable. She honestly felt as if her chest wasn't strong enough to hold in all the happiness, all the love, and all the blissfulness that was overflowing within her. Life was perfect, just perfect.


	102. Chapter 102

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Moving forward now...<strong>

**September 2000**

"You get off at five, right?"

Bella leaned forward, pressing her lips against Edward's pouting ones. "Yes, baby. I have an appointment with Tanya right after, though. So, I won't be home until about seven. I'll pick something up for dinner on the way home, okay?"

Edward grumbled under his breath. It was no surprise that after having so much time together over the summer, neither of them were too happy about all the time they would inevitably spend apart now that Edward had started his residency and was working all sorts of hours and Bella was, of course, still working. It would be an adjustment, but, in time, they'd find a routine that worked for them once again.

"You be a good med student now, or I'll have to go all naughty professor on you once you're home, you hear me," Bella scolded teasingly.

Edward's eyebrows shot up and his eyes twinkled in excitement. "Well, in that case, I can be the worst student ever."

Bella pushed him playfully. "Nice try, Mr. Masen. Now, I have to go or I'm going to be late. So will you, for that matter. See you tonight, love you."

…

"How has your summer been, Bella?"

Bella smiled, all goofy and wide. "It was great. Edward moved in, we got married, went on our honeymoon. Really, I can't remember the last time I was so happy. How was your vacation?"

Tanya smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. My vacation was a much needed break, thank you. I must admit, I was kind of worried leaving my patients behind for so long. I did have another doctor see a few of my patients while I was gone, the more...dependent ones, but I still worried about the others regardless, including you. How are you dealing with...other things?"

Bella knew exactly what Tanya was hedging at. She wasn't used to the woman pussyfooting around anything, though, and that set her on edge; her defenses immediately flew up, and her leg began bouncing with her anxiety spike.

"Things are good; everything's just good. Beyond what I am saying, I don't want to talk about anything else today. Okay?" Bella ground out, trying her hardest to make her point as clear as possible. Seemed Tanya got it loud and clear, though; her eyes widened and she minutely nodded her head, and nothing about anything except the summer and Bella's current feelings were discussed.


	103. Chapter 103

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -102-**

** October 2000**

"Oh, I love it. You naughty girl, you," Alice squealed as she opened her front door to find Bella and Edward, already in costume, on her front steps. It had taken a lot of convincing to get her to let Bella pick their costumes, and Bella was secretly pleased that what she had chosen, altered, and accessorized appeased the little crazed pixie.

Edward growled as they entered the main room, where a bunch of people Bella hardly knew where already dancing away, drinks in hand.

"If that guy over there doesn't reel in his flapping tongue, I might have to tear it out of his gaping mouth," Edward grumbled, pulling Bella closer to his side and sneering at the unsuspecting guy dressed as Peter Rabbit.

Bella giggled. "What kind of man dresses as a rabbit anyway?" Edward continued.

Bella tilted her head, smiling up at him, amusement dancing in her eyes. "Does it really matter, babe? I'm all yours regardless of what he is dressed as. Now come on, let's grab a drink and dance."

Three drinks later, Bella was grinding her barely covered ass into Edward's prominent erection, smirking to herself, knowing exactly what she was doing to her man and loving every single minute of his devoted and perverted attention. She was feeling pretty good by then, swaying to the music, pressed against Edward's hard chest, among other hard things, when she felt his fingers graze her bare thigh. Her little minion was being a devious little boy, it would seem.

When he stopped dancing and his fingers faulted their movements, she quirked her brow up at him, immediately concerned when she saw the look on his face.

"What is it, Edward," she asked softly, turning to face him.

Edward shook his head, his clouded eyes clearing as he did so, and he smiled. "Nothing, love, I just felt something on your hip, and it bothered me that I had never noticed it before now. I think it might be a scar, maybe. I...I just always thought I knew your body inside and out, apparently I missed something."

Edward pulled her closer to him, pressing his lips against hers in a chaste but sweet kiss. "Sorry if I worried you. It was nothing. I'll just have to get reacquainted with your body even more it seems." He waggled his brows at her. That cocky smirk of his gracing his lips and Edward's words in that deep, teasing tone made Bella's body shiver in anticipation, but her mind was fraught with dread; she knew exactly what scar he was speaking of, but it wasn't a scar at all. It was the single mark her little girl had left on her, a reminder of the months she had been inside of Bella, stretching her body to accommodate her growth.

* * *

><p><strong>How many of you caught the significance of that? I know one of you ladies surely did. * wink *<strong>


	104. Chapter 104

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Many of you were right. It was indeed the elusive stretch mark; Bella's only one. I, too, was this lucky...but only with my first son...after that it was like my body as fair game for the squirmy-looking nuances.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -104-**

She unbuttoned his pants, sliding the zipper down as she lowered herself to her knees. Edward could barely manage a slight nod as he stared down at his beautiful wife, on her knees, before him, as his throbbing cock sprang free. Bella giggled lightly at the action, then flicked her tongue out, lapping at the bead of wetness that was accumulating on his tip. Edward jerked at the contact, a hiss of air escaping through his clenched teeth before he threw his head back as she engulfed him in her mouth.

She swirled her tongue and hollowed her cheeks, sucking him in and out of her mouth in long, languid thrusts, before popping his cock out of her mouth, teasing the tip again with her tongue as she pumped him with both hands.

"Fuck, love, please, please..."

Bella continued stroking him. Looking up at him from under her lashes, she breathed out in a husky voice, "Please, what, babe? What do you want?"

Edward let out a soft growl, his stomach was already clenching, his release so close, yet he fought and fought it with everything he had, so much so that his feet hurt from curling his toes so tightly.

"You, love. Please let me come inside you," he hissed out, his body jerking at the thought, his concentration momentarily lost. Bella smirked up at him, her head shaking from side to side, before she took him back in her mouth, all the way, until his tip was hitting the back of her throat. She drew in a deep breath through her nose, allowing her throat to relax, and flattened her tongue. Her head bobbed only three times more before he was grunting above her, expletives flying from his parted lips as his hips gyrated and his whole body shook.

When his body went slack, Bella released his softening cock with a pop, batting her lashes playfully as she looked up at him. He sneered at her, his eyes dark and dangerous. "Oh, you are so going to get it later for that, little girl," he growled out; and honestly, Bella couldn't fucking wait until she did.

* * *

><p><strong>Shout outs and Edward gropes to all these lovely ladies for reviewing, sharing, encouragin, and just supporting me by knowing they are still out there.<strong>

**You ladies make my fingers twitch...and I mean in a good way :-P**

**LeeAnn388**

**Scarlett72**

**PastOneOnta**

**angietwnsnd**

**biblepam**

**Naerts**

**MinaRivera**

**neelixlee**

**Nelleke**

**redviolet**

**debslmac**

**Azlady2003**

**vampiregirl31**

**hapakids**

**LadyMoonShadow - and may I just say- not to single you out here or anything, but I absolutely adore your reviews, m'dear. You are such a sweet chatterbox. I flove you and ur words. xx**


	105. Chapter 105

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Step by step<strong>  
><strong>Heart to heart<strong>  
><strong>Left, right, left<strong>  
><strong>We all fall down<strong>  
><strong>Like toy soldiers<strong>

**Bit by bit**  
><strong>Torn apart<strong>  
><strong>We never win<strong>  
><strong>But the battle wages on<strong>  
><strong>For toy soldiers<strong>

**~Martika ~**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Episode 7<strong>**

** -TLWLW-**

** -105-**

** December 2000**

"What is there to talk about? I don't want to go anymore. That's it. What do you want from me, Edward, for me to spend the rest of my life in therapy, reliving past choices and pains until I lose my fucking mind? If you think therapy is so great, you go!" Bella stomped towards the door, swung it open without looking back, and slammed it closed, the frigid air slapping her in the face, almost as if it were a wakeup call, a reminder of what she was walking away from. She almost stopped, almost turned around and begged him to forgive her for flying off the handle, but fuck that, she was too pissed, her guilt transforming into a scary anger that frightened even her.

Instead of talking it out, making him understand, Bella got in her car and went to work, spending the rest of her evening stewing over things that might have been and things she should have, could have, but didn't do.

**...**


	106. Chapter 106

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -106-**

"I'm just not ready, Alice. I can't, but when he brings it up and gives me that look, that look that tells me he doesn't understand my hesitation, my fear, I just breakdown. I don't know how to tell him. I've tried. God, how I've tried. I've started, a few words leave my lips, then he gives me that fucking look and my insecurity flares and my guilt consumes me; and then, when I get a few words out, my anxiety spikes so fucking high half the time he has to give me Ativan to calm me down enough to even be able to breathe properly."

"Wait, hold up. When did you start taking anti-anxiety medication?"

Bella quirked her brow at her friend in aggravation. "Really, Alice? I tell you all of that and the only things you ask about are my medications?"

Alice just gave her a look, one Bella knew all too well. She sighed and lowered her eyes, immediately realizing just how bitchy and ungrateful she was coming across as. "Sorry, Ally. I didn't mean to snap. It's just things are so tense around here at times. It's like one day we're all happy and lovey-dovey, and the next I feel like I'm going to crack; and poor Edward, it's like he's walking around on eggshells all the time. He looks at me with pity in his eyes and it makes me want to smack that look right off of his face. I don't want pity. Hell, considering how long I have kept this from him, I don't deserve pity. And I know that it's not his fault, how I'm feeling, but my emotions are all over the fucking place, and I just don't know how to sort them all out sometimes. Tanya forwarded two prescriptions to the pharmacy for me once I told her I wouldn't be back, said she wanted to know I at least had something to help me deal with all of my stress and anxiety. I have Xanax to take on a daily basis and Ativan for when the anxiety is just too much and I need to calm the fuck down. I'm so messed up, Ally, and I have no clue how to dig myself out of the mess I've created without someone getting hurt in the process."

Alice pulled Bella into her, holding her tight and sighing softly. "I know it all seems unbearable right now, B, but I promise Edward's one of the most caring and compassionate men I know. If you talk to him, he might get upset, but eventually he'll come around. He loves you. It's plain to see. He wears it openly in the way he looks at you. You just have to trust in your love, trust in Edward."

Bella sniffled, a few tears slipping from her eyes and trailing down her flushed cheeks. "What if it isn't him I don't trust, but me? What then, Ally?"


	107. Chapter 107

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -107-**

** January 2001**

"Hmm, that feels so good, baby." Edward's deep, groggy voice caused Bella's heart to speed up. She smiled against his skin, her lips brushing softly against his shoulder blades as she breathed in deeply, his scent so him and so right.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked it so softly that Bella's heart clenched painfully in her chest, her breath caught in her lungs and her eyes stung with unshed tears. This beautiful man was too good to her. Her mood swings the last few months had been tolerable at best. She had screamed and cried, ran away, jumped in his arms a hysterical mess; and on days when she could pull herself together, she would hold him, love him, kiss him, make sure he knew that none of the craziness, none of it was his fault. She needed him to know how much she loved him. Last week she had finally seen a doctor. Turned out her mood swings and depression were side effects of the medication she was taking, apparently her body and her mind didn't care for the way it made her feel. After a series of questions, she had been taken off of the Xanax, the doctor feeling she didn't need daily medication, but he refilled her prescription for the Ativan just in case she found herself in a situation she couldn't handle.

"I love you, baby, and I'm feeling good today, thanks. Sorry about the other day. You know me, I'm crazy as it is, and now with you starting your residency and your hours being all over the place... I think I just have to adjust to the changes, you know?"

Bella felt Edward nod as he rolled towards her, shifting her body so she was lying in the crook of his arm.

"I know, love. We'll find a way that works for us. Then things will get better. Give me a few more years and I'll apply for a full-time position, or open my own practice if I need to. That's my goal," Edward said reassuringly, but Bella knew better. He still had at least three more years of this craziness, and residencies were funny things; some lasted three to four years, most lasted much longer, but she knew Edward was a smart cookie and had already begun the process of getting that in order; and the doctors and nurses at Northwest in Seattle were already so in love with him, it was as good as sealed he would get offered a position there once his residency was up.

She hadn't said anything, not yet, but secretly she wished he would consider a smaller hospital, like Olympic Memorial. Which was nice and close and there in Port Angeles. But she had listened to his explanation of why Northwest was the better choice. She understood the perks and advancement opportunities that specific hospital provided, and he was right, it made better sense. Sometimes, she just wished he didn't have to drive so far. They already lost so much time together because of their conflicting hours. Then, add on the four hours of driving time each day. Some nights he just stayed at Emmett's for the night. On those nights, when he had so much work to do he fell asleep hunched over his books, exhaustion overwhelming him, Bella cried, not knowing why she was so upset or why she was crying, but knowing she felt too alone in the world to be a married woman.


	108. Chapter 108

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -108-**

** February 2001**

Valentine's Day was a repeat of the previous year. Well, almost. Edward took Bella back to the exact same place, but this time without the proposal. Instead, he asked her to move away with him. Bella had considered the same thing a few times since he had started his commute back and forth again in September, but with her emotions all over the place she hadn't been able to decide whether it was the right thing to do, whether she was making a sound decision and not just looking for yet another way to attempt to ease her ever-present guilt.

Port Angeles had been her home for so long, her escape, her salvation, and everything was just so easy there. It hurt her heart to even consider leaving Jake and Leah, not to mention the nursing home, but it hurt her heart even more being away from Edward; and Seattle wasn't really that far away. She could visit whenever she wanted, or Jake and Leah could visit them. Seattle was where Em and Rose were, and Roberta, too. Seattle would make life easier. But Bella knew it was something else entirely holding her back, causing her to question every decision she made. Now, being only minutes away from Forks, she was closer to _her_. And in a roundabout way that simple fact made her feel more at ease, made her chest hurt just a little bit less, knowing she was so close to her little girl, no, Esme's little girl. She knew in her heart of hearts that getting some distance, clearing her mind, giving life a real start over was the right thing to do. So, when Edward mentioned moving, Bella put on a bright smile, nodded her head, and told Edward some truth; she had been thinking about the exact same thing.

Edward's smile was so bright, so full of happiness and excitement, it was impossible not to share in his excitement, bask in his love and return it tenfold. They spent the evening of the fourteenth wrapped in each other's arms, legs tangled, mouths attached, moving together in a slow rhythm; lost in heated skin, damp folds, loving touches, and soft moans.

**...**


	109. Chapter 109

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>...and...some heartfail to tuck you in with tonight...<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -109-**

** March 2001**

March was a whirlwind of craziness. One of Bella's co-workers was off sick with Mono, which left Bella working twelve hours days, five days a week, plus at least one day on the weekends, too. She barely saw Edward; and when they were able to squeeze in time together, it was filled with desperate kisses, longing touches, and frantic, needy sex.

Edward hadn't mentioned moving again since Valentine's Day, and Bella wondered if maybe he had possibly changed his mind.

One night, nearing the end of March, she came home particularly late to find Edward already fast asleep and a pile of papers on the kitchen table.

Tentatively she picked the first one up, scanning it over as she poured herself a glass of white wine. She didn't drink often, but found a glass or two after long days at work helped to relax her and help her fall asleep; and after the month she'd had she definitely needed all the help she could get to unwind.

She leaned against the countertop, sipping her wine as she read the paper, which was a short note from Edward. It simply said that he had left a stack of listings of potential houses for Bella to look over, and that he would like it if she would narrow it down a bit. Then, he would make appointments for them to view the remaining few houses this coming weekend, on the 30th of March.

Bella read and re-read the short letter over and over again, her eyes stinging with tears and her insides twisting painfully. Frantically, she looked for anything in the letters that could possibly cause her sudden anxiety, but there was nothing, not a thing. It was short, to the point, sweet even. He had ended it with his chicken scrawled 'love' followed by a bunch of x's and o's. But none of that stopped Bella's skin from breaking out into a cold sweat, goosebumps prickling her entire body, as her hands shook uncontrollably.

She sat her glass down on the counter as her breathing picked up, turning into gasping breaths as she struggled to push back the darkness in her head, the dark, dangerous recesses of her mind that she had been fighting to maintain, to keep under control for so long now. In the end, she lost, once again succumbing to the battle raging within her, crumbling into the depths of her pain as she finally realized what it was about the letter that had triggered her distress to begin with.

The date.

**...**

**...**


	110. Chapter 110

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>To those who asked- this fic is 186 chapters long. We are about in for the long, painful stretch now.<strong>

**Happy Halloween! What was your favorite costume...and why? * winks***

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -110-**

Bella spent that night curled into a ball, shaking and crying, and feeling like a monster. She berated herself over and over for forgetting. Her baby girl had turned five three days ago, and she hadn't even remembered the date. By morning, Bella pried herself off of the floor, stiff and sore, with large puffy bags under her eyes to attest to her sleepless, tear-filled night. She had once again convinced herself that her little girl was so much better off where she was, 'cause really, what kind of mom forgot their child's birthday?

By five AM, she had composed herself enough, taken a shower, and started breakfast for Edward. She didn't want him to know about her breakdown. She didn't want to give him any reason to question her. She was too weak and exhausted at the moment to be able to think clearly, and her accidentally letting stuff like their little girl slip in her current state would do neither of them any good.

So, for the first time since they had reunited, Bella put on a happy face, a mask made by a master of deceit, and kissed her husband good morning with her stomach churning and her heart sinking.

**...**

**Huggs and hand holding go out to...**

**Scarlett72**

**Naerts**

**Nelleke**

**hapakids**

**deslmac**

**wyojess**

**maryannabella**

**MinaRivera**

**vampiregirl31**

**biblepam**


	111. Chapter 111

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>April 2001<strong>

After looking at a total of thirty-seven houses on paper, fifteen in person, and three of those fifteen over again, Bella and Edward finally picked their first home _together_. Bella had contacted a real estate agent, and her house was now on the market. After only being listed three days, the agent was already booking showings and talking about closing dates. It was all happening so quickly it left Bella feeling slightly out of sorts.

Easter was a quiet affair, the pair opting not to spend it with family and friends and to instead spend it alone, time for just the two of them that was very much needed. Most of the day had been spent in their bed, Bella on her back, her face turned towards Edward, who was on his stomach, as they spoke in hushed voices, sharing soft, languid kisses in between loving words.

* * *

><p>What is your all-time favorite horror movie?<p>

Mine- gotta say The Exorcist, 'cause that shit is legendary. But I love many, many, many scary flicks :-S


	112. Chapter 112

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -111- **

** The end of May 2001**

It was happening. Everything, and all of it so fast. The house was completely packed up now. Jake and Leah had just left, after spending the day with Bella, packing boxes and just acting like plain old goofballs. Bella sat on the kitchen floor, her chest heaving from hysterical laughter and her clothes drenched from Jake soaking her with the kitchen sink sprayer. She hadn't felt this good, this light and free, in a very long time. It saddened her that Edward had not been a part of that happiness. He was at the hospital, still, like usual. She looked up at the wall clock, shocked to see that it was already eight PM. Begrudgingly, she picked her sopping wet body up off the floor and began cleaning up the mess.

"Fuckers," she grumbled under her breath, "They had no problem making the mess, but they sure as shit ran fast when it was time for cleaning it." Really, she wasn't mad at all. They had to get back to the bar; she knew that. The cleaning after fun always sucked, though.

**...**

* * *

><p>Jason or Freddie? And why?<p> 


	113. Chapter 113

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -112-**

** June 2001**

Over and over Bella huffed out breaths, trying vainly to blow the errant piece of hair out of her face as she struggled with the large box in her hands.

Edward's soft laughter floated around the room, music to her ears, and caused her to smile.

"Here, let me help you, love," he chuckled out, leaning over her shoulder, his fingers sliding up the curves of her side, teasing, until they gently swiped the hair from her face.

"You're so sexy when you're all hot and sweaty."

Bella quirked her brow at him, finding that statement hard to believe. She was wearing her ratty old jogging pants and one of Edward's old high school shirts that had definitely seen better days. Her hair was all matted to her forehead and in complete disarray, piled on top of her head in a wayward bun. She didn't even want to think about what she smelled like; she could only assume that an hour-long shower and a ton of soap would be her only savior.

Edward took the box from her effortlessly, as if the hulking thing weighed next to nothing. Bella harrumphed and folded her arms across her chest.

"Well, if everything is so much easier for you, why am I even helping at all? We could get this done so much faster if you just did everything, Edward."

She was only joking, kind of. She was exhausted, there was no doubt about that, but she enjoyed moving things around, being a part of situating their new home. It would definitely help if she were stronger, though.

"I bet it would. How about instead of using me for slave labor, we take a small break and my services can be put to use in our new giant bathtub?" Edward wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back into him as he nipped at her ear.

"Hmm, that does sound tempting. Come on, big boy." She tugged gently on his arms, pulling him towards the open bathroom door, a smile on her face and thoughts of seducing him swirling through her mind. "Let's get me smelling human again."


	114. Chapter 114

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -113-**

** July 2001**

"I didn't realize it was so much hotter in Seattle than back home," Bella grumbled as she tugged at the offending material that was clinging to her body.

Edward rolled over, propped his sunglasses up on his forehead, and smirked. "It's the same temperature, babe; it's just not gloomy or raining."

Bella huffed, her eyes betraying her aggravation, as she snuck a glance in Edward's direction. He was sprawled out in their huge backyard, lying on a large lounger. He had built up a nice tan, and his darkened skin glistened in the sunlight from the tanning oil he had applied. Involuntarily, she licked her lips, the sight of her sexy-as-hell husband always more than enough to divert her attention.

With her garden forgotten, she slowly walked towards him, her eyes alight with burning desire. She smirked when Edward's eyes widened as she stopped to slowly undo the back of her bathing suit top.

"Babe, what are you doing? Put that back on. What if one of the neighbors sees you?" Edward hissed, his eyes darting around their backyard, in search of the neighbors Bella knew were nowhere to be found.

Their yard was massive; their fence insanely high, and their closest neighbor's house was at least thirty feet away. Not that far, true, but far enough that unless they were stationed at one of the upstairs windows with binoculars, they wouldn't be able to see a thing.

**...**


	115. Chapter 115

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Let's make some lemonade, shall we?<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -114-**

"No one can see us, baby. Don't worry," Bella cooed as she reached Edward, her breasts now bare, her nipples pebbling as she took in Edward's lusty gaze.

"Shh, baby, just enjoy." She leaned forward, pressing her chest into Edward's face. She wound her fingers through his hair and tugged lightly, smiling when she heard him hiss in response.

"How about I sit on your cock right here, right now? How would you like that, Mr. Masen?" She didn't wait for him to respond. Hell, from the look on his face, all dazed and desperate, she probably wouldn't have gotten anything more than a nod or a grunt had she waited.

"You don't have to answer that. I can see it all over your face. And this..." she reached down and wrapped her fingers around his rock hard cock, squeezing slightly just to tease him. "...tells me just how horny you are. Lay back, baby."

Edward's worries about the neighbors vanished as Bella began pulling on his shorts, sliding them down to his shins as she licked at her pouty, pink lips. She smirked down at him, raising her hands to tease and tug at her hardened nipples.

"Do you want me, Edward? Tell me you want me. I need to hear it."

Bella could hear beyond the lusty words; she could hear the underlying desperation, the neediness, the insecurity in her own voice; and she prayed Edward was so lost in lust that he missed it.

She smiled and relaxed a little when he bobbed his head rapidly, his eyes hooded and his mouth slightly gapping. "I do, baby. I always do, and I always will."

With that, Bella climbed onto his lap, carefully placing her knees tightly against either side of him so she wouldn't slip off of the small space left for her. She needed that connection, that reassurance, that she felt when they were like this with each other.

She ground back and forth, over his throbbing cock, moaning with each pass as his thick head teased at her swollen clit.

Bella pushed Edward back the moment he tried to sit up and reach for her, shaking her head softly. "No, no, baby. You lay back and enjoy," she whispered as she pulled her bathing suit bottoms to the side and aligned his cock at her sopping wet entrance.

"Fuck, so wet," Edward grunted as she slowly eased down on him, impaling herself on his hardness, stilling for but a moment before she began rocking back and forth, her hands at her chest, pinching her nipples, with her head thrown back as her husband filled and stretched her deliciously.

**...**


	116. Chapter 116

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Laptop FAILURE... 200.00 and a few days later, and I am back, laptop in lap, and ready to finish this beast up.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -115-**

** August 2001**

"Come on, Bella, please."

Bella huffed in annoyance at her friend. Alice had been pestering her for the better part of the day about going away for a girl's weekend. Bella had been adamant in saying no, but Alice being Alice, she just wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Leah's coming."

"Still no."

"Did I mention Roberta is coming, as well?"

_ Say what?_

Bella's head jerked up. She hadn't seen much of Roberta since their move. Which was odd considering they both once again lived in the same city. But Roberta was busy being wined and dined, making up for many lost years, and Bella didn't want to intrude on that. She missed her friend dearly, and the idea of seeing her again, hugging her, being able to talk to her face to face, not just over the phone, was too appealing to pass up.

"Fine," Bella groaned in defeat. "I'll mention it to Edward." Alice was already bouncing up and down, her face the epitome of victory. Bella scowled. "That isn't a yes. With Edward's wonky schedule he...he might have plans for us."

Bella knew all too well that that was wishful thinking on her part. Truth of the matter was, once Edward had started back into doctor mode, and began picking up extra shifts at the clinic, they had gone right back to barely seeing one another. In fact, Bella couldn't be sure, but she almost felt as if her husband was possibly avoiding her at times.


	117. Chapter 117

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode 8<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -116-**

** September 2001**

Bella curled up on the couch, her eyes fixated on her wiggling toes, her mind not truly comprehending what she was looking at or doing; it was somewhere else completely. For weeks now she had worried that Edward was avoiding her. She hadn't been sure the first few days. Thinking maybe she had only just imagined them.

The past two days, however, she was sure of it. He had been leaving early in the mornings, before she even woke up, and coming home late at night, sometimes not until she was already asleep.

Last night she found out why.

He wasn't really avoiding her, more like doubling his workload so he could take time off, a week to be exact. Apparently, it had taken him a day to wrap his mind around everything, almost thirty hours to get everything in place, and another five hours to work up the courage, the strength, to tell Bella what was going on. The reason he had seemed so distant still caused Bella's chest to clench in anxiety, her head to spin with worries, and her heart to hurt for her husband. Three days ago, Edward got a call from his father's family lawyer while he was at the hospital; apparently, the school had passed his contact information on. That same day he went and spoke with the administrator and arranged to take time off. That night he went to Emmett, who had already received the same call. Exhausted, he had come home, only to crash minutes after entering the door. The next day he went in early, lost himself in patients and worked ahead the best he could on patient charts. That night he spent booking flights and a hotel room. Emmett had assured him he would take care of all the details, and while he had felt guilty, at first, for shouldering all that responsibility onto Emmett, he also knew his brother was strong enough to handle it, to deal with it all, and he had Rose; she would help, as well.

Tomorrow, Bella and Edward, along with Emmett, Rose, Roberta, and Herbert, would board a plane to Chicago, Edward Sr's hometown, to bury Edward and Emmett's parents that had died four days ago in a horrific car crash in British Columbia, Canada.

**...**


	118. Chapter 118

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -117-**

** October 2001**

As the air chilled and the trees began to change color, Bella seemed to follow suit with the weather. She was no longer guilt ridden and sad, but more angry and curt. She wasn't sure what she was feeling, or why she was feeling it, but Edward took the brute end of her confusion. She lashed out when she should have been reaching out. She cried when she should have been laughing. She screamed when she should have been whispering words of understanding. She was losing control, and she didn't have a clue how to go about fixing the giant mess that she had created for herself, and in the process had dragged Edward and her friends into it with her.


	119. Chapter 119

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -118-**

**November 2001**

**...**

Thanksgiving was a somber occasion. Bella had asked Leah and Jake not to come. She had also declined invitations to join Emmett and Rose and Roberta and Herbert. Edward stayed late at work, and Bella spent the day digging around in the basement, going through boxes of this and that, memories, painful memories, happy memories, sad memories. She laughed at pictures from high school; Alice with her boyish, tiny figure; Edward with his brace-covered toothy grin. Her laughter turned to silent sobs when she pulled out the one box she hadn't allowed herself to open in so very long. She sat there for hours, tears streaming down her face, unable to bring herself to open the box, until she fell asleep, curled around the small box on the cool basement floor.

**...**


	120. Chapter 120

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -119-**

** December 2001**

Bella decided to try to see another therapist. This one was nothing like Tanya. He was blunt and to the point and didn't baby-foot around Bella's insecurities. After many hours of questions, he determined she did not suffer from depression. However, she did have a mild, but controllable case of anxiety. That, she already knew. The doctor referred her to another doctor, who sent her for some blood work and tests. She agreed to go to all of it but decided, once again, therapy wasn't going to help her. So, she called her therapist and let him know.

Bella was starting to get a hold on her outrageous outbursts by the time Christmas came around. Edward and Bella joined everyone else at Roberta and Herbert's place. Leah and Jake drove down and joined them, too, still proving to be the wild ones who would rather spend Christmas anywhere but with their actual families.

It was a joyous occasion. Everyone was smiling and laughing. Edward was constantly touching Bella, and Bella couldn't help but lean into his sweet gestures. She had missed this, missed him; and she yearned for his touch, for his comfort, more than she even realized.

**...**


	121. Chapter 121

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -120-**

** January 2002**

"Are you sure you won't talk to me about it? You're killing me here, Bella. I...I don't know what to do to make your pain go away, and until you open up and share whatever it is that is eating away at you, I'm lost."

Bella held back a deep sob; her throat stung from the effort as she shook her head, her eyes wild and watery.

"I...I just can't, not yet," she choked out. It had been hard enough admitting that she was going to a slew of different doctors. All of them running a series of tests just to try to figure out what the fuck was wrong with her. She felt so inadequate, so broken. She feared whatever had snapped inside of her could never be truly fixed, and even more so, she feared she would lose Edward in the process.

"Soon, baby. Once all your test results come back in, promise me we'll finally talk this through." Edward drew her small, shaky frame into his arms, holding her tight. Bella crumbled in his embrace, her mind trying to work through so many things, but stuck on just one, unable to move past it.

She knew she...no, they couldn't go on like this anymore. So, with a heavy heart and a sense of dread consuming her, she nodded softly, whispering, "I promise," into Edward's chest.

**...**


	122. Chapter 122

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tissue warning needed, as per Sherry and Kristen.<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -121-****  
><strong>

** February 2002**

Bella sat in shock as the doctor before her explained what he had found. It made no sense, none whatsoever. She remembered the fever shortly after giving birth; she remembered the pain and the medication and what the doctors then had said. None had ever mentioned Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. She could vaguely recall a time during sex-ed class back in school where they had said it was a sexually transmitted disease. Apparently, they lied, because the doctor in front of her was now telling her that even though most cases were sexually transmitted, not all were. Some, no matter how few, could be caused by infection after birth. One such as the one she had suffered with. It was an oversight.

_ No, this was her life!_

"So, what now?" she barked out. "I just accept that I may never have kids again because some stupid, halfwit of a doctor misdiagnosed me?" She was angry now, feeling betrayed and useless. She knew Edward would want kids someday. He loved kids. How would she ever tell him that not only could she not have any, but that she did at one point and literally threw away their only child she would ever carry?

"I'm not saying it is impossible, Mrs. Masen. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, PID for short, leads to infertility in one out of every five cases. Your test results show me that your hormone levels are low, which explains your mood swings and other symptoms, but it also shows that you are not completely infertile. There is a chance you can still conceive and carry to full-term, just not a percentage of one that I can guarantee."

Bella hung her head, tears welling, as she barely heard the rest of what the doctor was telling her. All she could hear over and over again was her own assumption, her own conclusion.

She couldn't have another baby.

** **...****

****Pssstt...we've made it full round now. Tomorrow, we are back at the prologue ;-) Finally!****

****Missed u all.****

****xx****

**...**


	123. Chapter 123

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode 9<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -122-**

** And we have finally made it back to the beginning.**

** Feb 21 2002**

Bella bolted to the bathroom, her nerves and guilt so overbearing that she purged them in the only ways she could.

Once she had emptied her stomach, she returned to bed, curled into a ball, and cried late into the night.

Watching her husband lie sleeping soundly beside her, she let the pain that consumed her slowly surface, not completely, never completely, just enough to ease her guilt and relieve her ever aching chest.

She knew she deserved every ounce of the pain that radiated throughout her barren body.

In fact, she deserved so much more.

After what she had done, what she still hid, she deserved so very much more.

And now, with her diagnosis, she knew she had no choice. She had to tell the man she desperately loved that she had literally gave away their only chance to ever have children.

**Soooo... are y'all ready for some tears, heartache, pain, ups...down... and a resolution?**

**Well, ya better be, Strap yourselves in, grab a box of kleenex, and don't say I didn't warn ya.**

**...**


	124. Chapter 124

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -123-**

The harsh sunlight filtered into the large room, pulling Bella from her troubled sleep. Edward was still sleeping soundly beside her, his face so calm and peaceful while he lay there, momentarily untouched from the stressful world, and her.

She watched him sleep for a few moments longer, her eyes burning and her bladder full, until she absolutely had to go to the bathroom.

As she washed her hands, she looked up into the mirror above the sink and had to stifle a yelp. Her eyes were swollen, puffy, and red with large dark bags hanging below them; her cheeks were blotchy, and her lips were chapped. She looked like a haunted woman. She supposed that was exactly what she was. She sighed heavily, her chest resuming that heavy feeling she had become so accustomed to lately, and splashed some cold water on her face before running a cool cloth over her eyes.

Lost in thought, she padded back into the bedroom, only to get a glimpse at the clock on her bedside table. Her eyes widened and all thoughts of her appearance vanished as she rushed forward to Edward and began shaking him.

"Baby, get up. You're late. It's nine-thirty."

Edward groaned and rolled over, his arms instantly reaching out for his wife. They wrapped around her waist and pulled her down onto the bed and into his chest.

"Edward, as much as I love being in your arms, you are seriously late already. Get up."

"Shh, love. I'm not late."

_ Huh? Of course he was._

"But it's Thursday, and nine-thirty…" Bella argued, but Edward interrupted her by placing his finger on her lips as his eyes popped open and looked directly into hers.

For what felt like minutes, but was probably only a few seconds, Edward stared at Bella, taking in her appearance, before sighing, making her squirm and feel self-conscious. His fingers grazed her cheek before it began lightly brushing under her left eye.

"These right here, "he whispered so softly she barely heard him, "and this," he ran the pad of his thumb over her cheekbones, "is why I am not late. I'm worried about you. I've waited long enough for you to work through whatever it is you had to in order to open up to me, but you're ruining your health in the process. I found the number of your last doctor in your day planner." Bella's breath caught in her throat at his words.

"I called. I know you got all your results back in. So, I took a long weekend. I have today and tomorrow, plus the weekend off. I want to talk. I want you to talk, Bella. I want my Bella back."

**...**


	125. Chapter 125

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -124-**

Bella's mind began to run in overdrive. For a moment she was pissed that Edward had gone behind her back and obtained information about her. But then her anger veered off and aimed at the doctor's office. Were they even allowed to give out patient information? Didn't patient confidentiality mean anything anymore? But her anger was short-lived, followed and consumed by full-body fear. There was no getting out of this, and if she were being honest, it was time; this conversation was long overdue. Her anxiety got the best of her as she came down from her surge of emotions, and she quickly scrambled out of the bed, dashing towards the bathroom to get her pills. Downing one of them without the aid of water, she leaned against the counter, taking rapid, shallow breaths as she tried to calm down.

Her mind raced. She worried this would be the last time she'd ever see Edward, that he might not be able to ever forgive her for keeping something so huge from him. And, yeah, she could see how he could feel that way. She probably would, too. No, she knew she would. She had been irritated enough about the fact that Edward had waited so long to tell her about his parents' deaths. And he had damn good reason for that. He was only worried about putting her through any undue stress, considering the precarious state she had been in for some time now, even worse so during that time. He hadn't been purposely hiding something from her, only considering her welfare and state of mind, trying to find the best way to broach the subject with little to no jolt on her already teetering world. He had succeeded. Where it had come as a shock to her, it hadn't been an all-out smack in the face. Having him so levelheaded by the time he told her had truly quelled her anxiety on the fact that they were going to go and bury the couple who were responsible for her to have such a wonderful man as a husband, but also responsible for tearing them apart, causing her to be stuck in a painful situation with little to no choices.

Edward didn't know the half of her disgust and hatred for his parents. She wasn't completely coldhearted; she felt pain for Edward's loss, but she also wasn't all that sad to see two people as evil as Elizabeth and Edward Masen Sr. finally in a position where they were no longer able to ruin people's lives.

**...**

**...**


	126. Chapter 126

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -125-**

"Bella?" Edward's voice was soft and tentative as he rapped gently on the door. "Baby, are you okay? Open the door."

Bella tried to inhale a deep breath, but still it came out raspy and rapidly. Her eyes darted around the small space, as if looking for an escape route. There wasn't one. There wouldn't be ever again. The urge to touch her husband once more became all too overbearing, and she grasped the door handle and yanked the door open, throwing herself into Edward's arms. He let out a surprised humph, as her body crashed against his, but his arms wrapped around her almost instantly.

Tears fell quietly from Bella's eyes as she peppered chaste kisses to Edward's bare chest, along his throat, anywhere she could reach, really. Frantically, like a woman starved of water, lost in the desert, she tried to climb his body, reach his mouth, kiss him, taste him. Edward gently pulled her back, his eyes searching hers as she still struggled to get closer even though he was holding her back. "Please, I need this first. I need to be with you like this…just…just in case this is the last time," Bella whimpered, sniffling and pleading with her eyes, praying he saw just how much she needed to feel them connected in the way only their lovemaking could provide before she purged her sins and lost her husband for good.

Edward sighed, nodding his head, accepting what she was offering, yet his eyes looked so conflicted. "I'll never stop loving you, Bella. No matter what ghosts you have kept buried for so long. But I'll give you this. I always want you, and the need to be with you right now is overwhelming for me, too. I…I just have this unsettling feeling, and I know sex shouldn't be the answer, but I also feel the need to lose myself in you, not for a last time, but just as a way to show my devotion to you, my love, my adoration in a physical way before we lose our comfort in the pain that seems to destroy the very light in you." With that, Edward crashed his lips against Bella's. They were not soft or gentle with each other, nor were they rough and frantic, more like desperate and frenzied, touching, tasting, kissing, lost in feeling and desire.

When Bella parted her bare legs, Edward sat, perched between them, just staring at his wife for a moment, admiring her, before he leaned down, covering her body with his own and entering her. He thrust into her slowly, deep and full, before pulling back out and repeating the motions. Bella moaned softly into his shoulder, her arms wrapped around his shoulders, her fingers digging into his flesh.

"Edward, faster, I …I need more…" Bella panted in a huff of breath as she felt her orgasm building, her legs begin to shake, and her heart flutter.

"I love you so much, Bella. You are my life," Edward groaned out, slightly muffled as he clenched his teeth when Bella's walls clamped down and pulsated around his throbbing cock. As Bella's body relaxed and her breathing slowed, Edward rose onto his haunches, slamming so deeply into Bella and constantly hitting that perfect spot, that within seconds, she lost herself in the bliss again, this time Edward falling, moaning, losing himself right along with her.

**...**


	127. Chapter 127

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -126-**

Bella curled into Edward's side, her body sated and her heart swelling with love, and she did, love Edward, that is. No matter how horrible she knew she would seem for keeping things as important as a child, their child, from him, she had always loved him, always. The familiar buzzing of comfort flowed between them as Edward rubbed small circles on Bella's back, his breaths blowing across her skin and causing shivers to run about her naked body.

"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered, pressing a sweet, lingering kiss on her forehead.

It was like that simple action caused Bella's heart to kick into action, beating a painful, erratic, and thunderous rhythm.

"Would you still love me if you knew I have been keeping something from you?"

"I already know you have been, and I still love you. More and more each day."

"What if it was big, like aliens are living in our attic big?"

"I'd still love you, babe. Might wonder why you were hiding the little creatures in the attic, but I'd still love you."

Bella could tell Edward was just trying to lighten the mood, make her more at ease and comfortable to share with him. And it was working, sort of. Her anxiety still spiked, and her heart was literally hurting her chest with its painfully rapid beating, almost as if it were trying to punch a hole through her rib cage.


	128. Chapter 128

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -127-**

A deep sob built up deep in Bella's stomach; she could feel it push its way past her organs, causing each and every one of them to clench in anticipation of the inevitable pain. By the time it surfaced, coming out as an agonized wail, Bella's whole body was trembling, her insides thrumming with pain.

"You… you're going to hate me so much. But I didn't know…it still hurts so much to think about, never mind talk about…you were gone….and then back….and I never thought I'd see you again, but I was so happy, so happy to have you back, and I was scared…and then the doctors and all their bullshit just made it worse. And I tried, Edward, I tried; the night you asked me to marry you, I swear I was going to at least try to tell you, but you stopped me; you were so sympathetic, so understanding. It was like you knew I wouldn't be able to handle sharing my demons yet, that I was too breakable, too raw; and you were right, but I still should have, and now…now it is so much worse. I've done something unforgivable and now…" Bella's whole body heaved with wracking sobs. Edward held her tight as she stuttered and struggled to get the words out, everything so jumbled in her mind, none of it coming out in any sort of comprehendible sequence. She sniffled, swiping at her tears as she pushed out words she had only been able to think until that moment. "….now… I probably can't have any children. I can never give you children, Edward…but I could have before and I threw that chance away…"


	129. Chapter 129

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>I am told to issue a tissue warning. So here it is :-P<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -128-****  
><strong>

Edward gently pushed Bella's trembling form back, trying to get a good look at her. "So, the doctors told you that you can't have kids? We'll get a second opinion. There are other options, In Vitro, Adoption. I won't leave you over that, Bella. I love you. But, I don't understand why you had to go through all those tests. You've obviously known about this for quite some time. Since before we got married, at least."

Bella slowly raised her head, forcing her tear-filled eyes to meet Edward's. His words were so sweet, almost reassuring, but he wasn't understanding it all. She hadn't been clear enough.

She took a deep breath, leaning back to distance herself from his touch. She couldn't think straight with him touching her. She felt a stab of pain in her chest at the look of rejection on his face as she did so, but she knew that look was mild in comparison to what would surely come. She let the breath out, and with it the truth, straightforward, no way for him to misunderstand it.

"I didn't know about the infertility thing until I got the results back. That wasn't my secret. What I kept from you is so much more. It is the reason for my current issue with infertility. At 4:12 AM on March 24, 1996, I gave birth to a little girl, a little girl I gave up for adoption to a wonderful couple." Bella paused as Edward inhaled sharply. She watched his eyes widen, and could see the disbelief in them, his brain trying to keep up, to make sense of her words that obviously seemed an impossibility.


	130. Chapter 130

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -129-**

She hiccupped out a soft sob as memories rushed forward in her mind, her time being pregnant with her little girl growing inside of her, seeing her for the first time…

"I didn't know what to do, Edward," she sobbed, "I didn't know where you were, and you hurt me and then just left. You never called, never tried to contact me. Or, at least I didn't think you had. And you didn't, not really, not until after she was born. And even if we had connected then, the decision was already made, the papers signed. She…she will be six next month. I'm so sorry, Edward. So sorry. I didn't know how to tell you, and it hurts so much to talk about, to even think about. I…I just didn't know what to say to you."

Bella bowed her head, unable to speak another word, her gut-wrenching wails overtaking her. She waited with gasping breaths for Edward to blow up, to tell her how much he hated her, to leave her to wallow in her own misery. But after minutes of waiting, with her tears still running wild down her cheeks, he had yet to say a thing. So, in a moment of strength, of hope, she lifted her head and looked at him. The sight of him caused her heart to shatter, all hope lost, as she took in the immeasurable pain and blazing anger in his wide, teary eyes.


	131. Chapter 131

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -130-**

He jumped out of the bed and began pacing the room, tugging at his hair and grunting out words Bella could not make out. She didn't know what to do, what to say, and she was afraid saying anything might cause him to snap, so she stayed quiet, just watching him and praying. Praying for what, she honestly had no clue at that point. She was just praying for an end to their pain; she'd gladly take on his now that she had thrust it upon him, as penance, but knew that this was not something she could ever take back.

When his rampant pacing grew to be too much, she moved to reach out, to grasp his arm, hold him still, the need to touch him, to try comfort him, so very overwhelming.

Edward jerked his arm back, letting out a hiss as her fingers came into contact with his skin. She shrunk back, cowering as she got caught in his fiery glare.

"Don't fucking touch me, Bella. I...I don't even know what to say right now. You're telling me that I have a daughter out there, somewhere. One that you never thought you should tell me about? How the fuck am I supposed to feel about that? You're my wife. I love you. I'm supposed to be able to trust you above all others, and this…this is the greatest betrayal of all. I…fuck….this is too much. I can't be here, near you, right now. I …I have to go."

Bella's whole body jolted forward, but her legs failed her and she simply crumpled to the floor as Edward strode out of their room, out of her life. She cried, hard and strangled, as his footsteps faded, but somehow sounded like thunderous beats to her tender ears. She felt her heart crack impossibly wider at the sound of the front door slamming, and she choked on an abysmal sob as the sound of his car revving filled the air, followed by the squealing of tires.

**...**


	132. Chapter 132

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -131-**

Bella wasn't sure how long she lay there, but she was sure she heard loud banging. Someone was yelling her name, a door was slamming. She winced at the sound, it reverberating in her mind as one of the last sounds she heard when Edward left. Her body felt numb; she couldn't feel her limbs. Her head pounded incessantly which was why she was unsure of the loud banging in the first place. Footsteps rushed through her home, their home, and she sobbed all the harder, no tears falling from her parched eyes any longer. It hurt to blink, like sandpaper was being rubbed into her eyeballs, her lids tearing at open wounds each time she tried to flutter them.

"Bella. Shit, Bella. Fuck…Jazz… I've got her. Come quick." She could hear yelling; it sounded garbled, as if off in the far away distance, but the voice sounded familiar. She just couldn't place it.

She suddenly felt weightless, and warm, so warm. Her body instantly curled into the warmth; she hadn't realized she was so cold, she hadn't really felt anything, not until the warmth touched her. She sighed, momentarily granted a slight reprieve from her pain.

Bella drifted in and out of consciousness. At one point, she was sure she felt someone pinch her then a cool touch caress her burning skin. She flinched from the feeling; the simple act of being touched so foreign for some reason.

"Bella…Bella? Can you hear me, sweetie? You have a fever. The doctor just gave you a shot of antibiotics. Don't worry, Bella. Just sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I won't leave you."

**...**

* * *

><p><p>

**...**


	133. Chapter 133

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -132-**

Bella's throat felt scratchy as she awoke. Her eyes burned against the harsh sunlight that was shining brilliantly against her face.

She was confused and disoriented at first, her eyes fluttering and leaking liquid at the corners as she struggled to figure out where she was and why the hell she felt like a freight train had rode over her. Repetitively.

As her eyes began to adjust, she took in the familiar surroundings of her room. However, there was a chair beside her bed that hadn't been there before. She fought to remember why it would be there, and within seconds, fragments of memories and stabs of pain filtered through her mind. She let out a wail of agony as she remembered it all. Telling Edward. Him leaving. Her collapsing onto the floor, staying there until someone came and got her…

"Bella, oh, sweetie. I am so glad to see you awake." Alice's small form flew at her, and Bella had to forcefully blink back the tears at the sight of one of her best friends.

Alice threw her arms around Bella and hugged her tight. "Don't cry, Bella. Everything will work out. You'll see. How do you feel? You gave us quite a scare, missy. Don't ever pull that shit on me again, you hear?"

Bella pulled back, unable to keep the small smile from her lips. Alice had always been so very dramatic.

"Really, Alice? Dramatic much?" Bella chided.

Alice didn't laugh, and that made Bella wonder just what the hell her friend thought had gone on. All Bella had done was fall asleep on her bedroom floor, crying and lost. It wasn't like she up and left the country or some shit.

"No, not at all. You had yourself quite a fever, Bella. Luckily it broke within forty-eight hours and Edward called Dr. Grenady. He rushed over here to shoot you full of antibiotics." At the mention of Edward, Bella flinched, physical pain scattering through her entire body.

"Ed…Edward's here? He came back?" Bella's heart leapt at the thought. Maybe he had forgiven her. Maybe….

Alice shook her head, smiling sadly at Bella. "He called me three mornings ago, asked me to go see you, said you'd need a friend. I didn't understand what he was talking about at first. He sounded so broken, so sad…it didn't take long to deduce that you had finally told him and things hadn't gone well. I came right over. Jasper came, too, even though he was…is a little pissed with me. But that's a whole different talk. When I got here, I found you on the floor, right beside the bed. You were catatonic, shivering like a leaf. You were so cold to the touch, Bella, and I was so scared. Dr. Grenady said you came close to hypothermia. Like I said, luckily, he came over and got you all fixed up. Edward has been here. He doesn't stay too long, though, not since Gr. Grenady told him you would recover just fine. But he still comes every day and checks on you."

Bella's mind raced, something Alice had said just wasn't sitting right with her. She furrowed her brows in confusion before looking back up at Alice and asking. "Alice, what day is it?"

Alice sighed and shook her head minutely. "It's Monday, Bella. I came over first thing Friday morning. You've been unconscious for three days."

**...**

**Huggs and hand holding for these lovely ladies...**

**2muchtrouble**

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**Shin Maxwell**

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**MaryMary123**

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**PastOneOnta**

**kfoll**

**Brittany86**

**and Nelleke**

**I can't begin to tell you how much your thoughts, smiles, and, sometimes, anger means to me :-P**


	134. Chapter 134

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -133-**

Tuesday, Edward came over first thing in the morning, on his way into work. His face was pinched into a painful grimace, but still he came, throwing Bella a half-assed smile and asking how she was feeling.

"I hear the fever is gone. That's good. Are you eating? Drinking lots of fluids?"

Bella stared at him, wide-eyed and confused. This was the first time she had been conscious when he was there, and she couldn't reconcile this Edward before her with the Edward she married. It was almost like he was a completely different person.

"Bella?"

Bella shook her head and mumbled a response, "I had yogurt and a banana last night. Alice keeps a steady fill in my bedside glass of water. Edward, are we…"

"Good, good. I'm glad to hear that. Dr. Grenady offered to come over and check in on you again. Everything seems fine, but I can have him come and double check just in case, if you want?"

Bella frowned. "Edward, did you even hear me?"

Edward let out a long sigh, his shoulders slumping and his demeanor morphing into that of a scared child. His whole face crumpled before her eyes, and Bella gasped.

"Yes, Bella, I heard you. I am choosing not to answer you because I don't have any answers yet. I care about you. You are my wife, and I want to make sure you are okay, but aside from that, right now, I just don't know. I just need a little time. Please."

Bella's heart cracked at the obvious pain laced in Edward's plea, and she nodded, unable to communicate her understanding verbally.

At least he was talking to her; that was a step in the right direction, right?


	135. Chapter 135

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -134-**

The week trudged by, slowly, agonizingly, like time had slowed down just for Bella, to give her a chance to catch up, even though she wasn't sure what she was catching up to.

Edward continued to call daily, but his visits had stopped altogether. He had asked for time, and, at first, Bella was hurt by that. However, when she had time to think about it, she realized that she had years to come to terms with everything that had happened. Edward had mere days. He wasn't being cruel or petty, he only wanted time. Bella understood now, but it still left her anxious, not to mention bored out of her mind.

Alice had stayed until Friday, doting on Bella's every move. It had nearly driven her mad. And as horrible as it sounded, when Alice left Friday morning, Bella was glad to see her go. She, too, needed time to think, quiet time. Where she didn't have quite the same things to mull over as Edward did, she did need to figure shit out in her head for when they did talk. He would have questions, obviously, and Bella knew that he deserved answers to those questions, questions that would be hard as hell for her to think about, to remember, to relive; and she wanted to get her shit together, compose herself so when he did, she was ready. No blubbering, no hiding, no half-assed answers, just straight out everything she knew, everything she felt, every part of it she had been through. Soon, all too soon, seven years of pain and misery would come to a head and explode in epic proportions.

Oddly enough, Bella felt better about life than she had since Edward left back after high school, better about herself, about…well, almost everything. It was almost a feeling of renewed hope that blossomed within her, which she found rather conflicting considering her husband was currently staying somewhere other than in their home, and all things considered she may very well be looking at losing him forever.

Bella sighed and fell backwards onto the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she tried to put herself in Edward's shoes, tried to comprehend just what he might be feeling. The result of said attempt left her wheezing, her chest tight, and her heart aching for him.

**...**


	136. Chapter 136

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -135-**

Sunday morning, Bella was sitting in the yard. It was a brilliantly sunny day and the birds were singing all around her, like a symphony of chirps. She crossed her legs and leaned back, her arms supporting her as she let her head lull back, basking in the warm sun and just being.

She had found herself more and more at peace as the days went on. Alice being gone really allowed her the time and space she needed to compose herself, evaluate and catalog her life; and what she came up with didn't sit well with her. She vowed to make changes, take chances, accept whatever fate had in store for her in her life. She couldn't keep going on like she was; she could easily see the downward spiral she had been falling into for so long, and she was done with being broken. Done with hanging on to pain, to decisions, to mistakes, and most of all the regrets of choices she had made many years ago, as a young, scared, and naïve girl. She knew now what she only wondered then; she had made the best decisions for everyone involved with the time, resources, and options given to her.

Now, she needed to move on and accept the past for what it was- the past, a part of her story that had gotten her to where she was that very day.

She had an appointment the next day with the doctor to talk about her options to conceive, her chances, and her alternatives. Even though having choices may very well be moot point given her current circumstances, she was determined to live her life as normal as possible.

She still missed Edward; as long as he was absent from her life she would. But even with her heart cracking at the very thought of him, she knew now it was unfair of her to go chasing him down- demanding answers, wanting forgiveness and another chance- until she could look at herself and say she was forgiven, accept who she had become, the life she had been given, the roads she had taken. She needed to be happy with herself, make amends with her demons, and go forward from there, free from the weight of guilt and regret. And even though it had been but a few short days, Bella truly felt like she was finally on a path heading directly to that very outcome.


	137. Chapter 137

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -136-**

Monday morning, Edward didn't call. He always called before work, and this left Bella feeling slightly anxious. She hated herself for allowing the nausea and dread to creep up on her again. She thought she was doing so well, pushing down and beating the dark demons in her mind and heart, but she also knew she loved Edward and missed him so fucking much. She desperately wanted to hold him, kiss him, have a future with him, and knew she'd only be fooling herself if she claimed otherwise.

By nine AM, she was holding the phone in her hands, watching them shake with the effort she was exerting just to stop herself from dialing his number, when she heard the front door click shut.

Instantly, she panicked, thinking the worst; but as she cowered in her spot, her mind frantic, and her eyes wide, Edward appeared in the doorway, his hair all over the place, a good week's worth of scruff along his jaw, and his eyes bloodshot, surrounded by dark circles and small, puffy bags.

"Edward?" she whispered, still not sure he was actually there, that her mind hadn't completely snapped and she was just imagining things.

She watched as he visibly filched as she said his name, his hands rushing up and into his hair, tugging as his eyes darted wildly, not once meeting hers.


	138. Chapter 138

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -137-**

Bella felt her chest tighten as she took in the forlorn look on her husband's face. She couldn't help but worry that this was it, the moment when he would finally say that all her baggage, all her secrets, were just too much for him to bear.

She thought she was ready, that she could handle anything he said, that she was strong enough now to accept his anger, possibly even his hate.

But now that he was in front of her, looking so broken, so torn, all she could think about was finding a way to take away his pain, or, at the very least, ease it.

She desperately wanted to throw herself into his arms, cry into his chest for everything they had went through, everything they had lost, and all the things they might still possibly overcome together.

She didn't, of course. She was too afraid of his rejection. So, instead she nodded, motioning to the chair across from her.

It took her a moment to find her voice; but when she did, her words came out hoarse and choppy, foreign even to her own ears.

"I imagine you have...questions. Instead, how about I start from the beginning, tell you everything I can; then, if you still have questions, you can ask them?"

Edward slowly lowered himself into the small chair, his gaze never lifting off of the floor as he nodded his head, quietly saying, "That would be good."

Bella spent the next hour talking. She thought it would be hard, painful, and heartbreaking to rehash all that she had gone through. Instead, she found it rather cathartic, and the words flowed from her faster and smoother than she would have ever thought possible.

When she had said all she could, she stifled a slight whimper into her arm and took a deep breath.

Seconds trudged into minutes, and minutes felt like time had stopped altogether as Bella sat there, her chest aching with anticipation of what Edward might have to say.

When he finally looked up at her, Bella gasped at the sight of him. His eyes were flooded with tears, his cheeks a railway of tear tracks, but the sadness mixed with the look of pure hate that radiated from his teary gaze was what made her heart stutter and crack.

A deep sob tore up her throat, belting out into the silent room. She could already tell that she had lost him, the only man she had ever loved, and she didn't have enough strength left in her to fight this losing battle any longer.


	139. Chapter 139

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tissue warning as per Sherry :-S<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -138-**

Curled in on herself, Bella just let it all out, all the pain, all the frustration, all the hope, devastation, and anger. In her mind, she knew she couldn't blame Edward for being mad at her. After all the time she had to do nothing but think, she knew now that waiting to tell him had been more hurtful, more of a betrayal than anything she had chosen to do way back when options were limited; but her heart was a different story. The heart wanted what the heart wanted; and Bella's longed for Edward's love, touch, and comfort, the two equally strong understandings and desires clashing and causing an upheaval of desperation and loss to consume her.

Her chest felt so tight she thought it might explode with all the emotions that were building and battling within her. Her senses were lost to her; she couldn't see, speak, or even hear anything beyond her own scattered mental state, but when a searing blast of familiar heat shot down from her shoulder, her head jerked up, and, this time, she swore her heart did stop.

Edward was on his knees, his pained, bloodshot eyes boring into hers, and his hand resting on her shoulder.

Bella's eyes flickered back and forth, and up and down as she tried to comprehend what was happening. Why he was touching her, looking so remorseful...

"Don't cry, love. We can figure this out. I'm so sorry I left. I...I just needed time to sort everything out in my head, and I thought it was better to do that away from you, where I could sort through my emotions and deal with it on my own, opposed to being here where I might have said stuff I didn't mean. I didn't want to hurt you, but I was hurt, and for a while mad. But when I finally worked past those and stopped to think long enough to place pieces together, I clearly saw my part in all of this. I...I left you, and you had to carry our child all alone, plus deal with your father's death. I...I'm not sure how no one put two and two together and none of us ever got word of your pregnancy, but that wonder just makes me feel that your were even more shut out from the world, and that kills me to think about. I can't begin to beg enough for your forgiveness, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life trying if...if you'd allow me to."

* * *

><p>-There has been so much Edward hate- gah, my poor heart hurts. Hopefully this chapter sheds a little light on the poor guy. He wasn't being an ass. He was being a dude, one who hurts, makes mistakes, and learns to deal with life's twists and turns and he goes.<p> 


	140. Chapter 140

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong> -TLWLW-<strong>

** -139-**

Even though they were still not completely at ease with each other, they held each other tight; and when it was time for Bella to go to her appointment, Edward asked if he could join her. Nervously, she agreed, and they found themselves in front of the doctor, hearing things Bella had already heard.

She had a 30/70 chance of carrying full-term, but either way she was high-risk for complications, and the doctor suggested having a child naturally should be something that they seriously talk about before attempting to get pregnant.

There was always adoption, or to find a surrogate. Bella blanched at the very thought of another woman carrying her child, her husband's sperm, and shot the suggestion down immediately.

As they left the hospital, Bella came to a conclusion: Edward and she just had too many things to work through, and she wasn't sure if they could do it properly, thoroughly, finally, without the aid of someone else.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think about...umm...going back to counseling?" Bella ducked her head, hiding behind a curtain of her hair. But Edward's fingers slid under her chin and lifted her head until her eyes met his. They were shinning, crinkled at the edges, and a smile was on his lips, easing her discomfort infinitely.

"I think that is a great idea, Bella. I know you had to get to your appointment, and that might have been a good thing, a small reprieve from our discussion, but I still have a lot of questions, and a lot of things I want to talk about. Maybe counseling, with someone to help direct and guide us along, might be the best way to go about that. Until then, though, do...do you mind if I ask just one thing?"

Bella inhaled sharply. She knew that everything so far had been rather easy, too easy, almost dream-like. Of course Edward was going to have questions of more than she had told him, likely small things that she had left out not even realizing it. She nodded, adjusting her footing to maintain her balance, her feet suddenly feeling not so steady.


	141. Chapter 141

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -140-**

Edward's hands rested on her forearms, and as that warmth, that electricity, they seemed to share with each other zinged back and forth between them, she looked up, meeting his eyes. A single tear pooled along the rim of his left eye before it overflowed and trickled down his cheekbone. "Do you think you will ever be able to find it in you to forgive _me_? I doubted you when I should have been concerned about you. I left you, and I was too angry and stubborn to at least talk to you before I left. I should have been there for you, for our...for our...baby girl, and I wasn't. Instead I was off studying myself into a coma and doing things I regretted before even doing them, just to forget, even if for nothing but a short moment. I...I can't imagine what you went through, how you felt, how hard everything was on you, and I hate myself for being the one to put you in that place, for pushing you away and leaving. I...I forgive you for making the decisions you made with the resources you had available, Bella. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that I'm not still a little angry inside, because I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but I understand what you did and why you did; and my only solace in all of this is that I still have you and our love, and that you tell me our little girl is with a couple who will treat her as if she was the most precious gem that I am sure she is..."

"Edward," Bella interrupted, placing her hands on his cheeks to swipe away at the streams of tears that were flowing freely down his face. "Stop, please stop. I can understand your way of thinking. I was once very resentful to you, too. I hated you for leaving. I hurt and I cried and I screamed at nothingness to just let it all out at times, but...I made peace with you leaving a long time ago. We were young, and we made irrational decisions. Yes, they could have been handled differently, better, but we are what we are, and no one is perfect. Not even you, the great Mr. Masen. So, yes, I forgive you. I did a long time ago. My biggest worry was that you'd be unable to forgive me, Edward, but now I worry more about your ability to forgive yourself."

**...**


	142. Chapter 142

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode 10<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -141-**

Edward moved back into the house that afternoon. They spent that evening talking as they lay in each other's arms. Bella cried a little as she spoke softly and adoringly about their little girl. She told Edward about Carlisle and Esme.

Edward coughed roughly when she mentioned that they lived in Forks, in his old house, raising their child. He didn't comment on it, though, and their conversation just seemed to die off there. No more words were spoken as Bella fell asleep, emotionally exhausted, in Edward's arms, feeling lighter and freer than she had in a very long time.

The days following were strained at best. Edward went back to work, playing a little bit of catch up, which left him working rather late into the evenings. He was always rather attentive to Bella, never once being rude or distant, but Bella could feel the difference. He wasn't as affectionate anymore, and when he didn't think she was paying attention, she caught him staring off, a pained look on his face, and dampness in his eyes.

She didn't know how to help him, or even what to say half of the time. She assumed Edward was hurting a lot more than he let on, and she didn't know how to broach that subject without starting a potentially nasty argument.


	143. Chapter 143

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -142-**

Spring break was fast approaching and she had yet to find a counselor she was happy with. She had gone to a couple of places, done two phone consultations, and just when she was wondering if all the therapists in that city were much worse off than their patients, she found the perfect one. Or so she hoped. Dr. Atlas was male and in his late forties. He listened attentively when she explained their situation and immediately offered a piece of free advice.

"A lot of people instantly want to push, to help and soothe when a loved one is hurting. In this case, it sounds like you have made the right choice, talking in a more neutral, controlled environment is safest and likely more effective. I can see you first thing next week, if you so choose."

She booked that appointment and left feeling a glimmer of hope that their relationship, that the Edward she loved, could be found and salvaged after everything he had lost.

When she got home, she immediately wrote the appointment on her calendar, noticing only two weeks later the date outlined in pink.

_The date._

It was becoming easier and easier, more natural, to refer to March 24th as their daughter's birthday; but still, at times, she choked up and would revert back to just saying' the date'.

Edward was supportive and encouraging throughout it all, and together they would find a few minutes each day to just talk about their years apart.

Edward seemed to ask no more than one or two questions at a time; and after Bella would answer him, that small glimpse of the old Edward would fade and it was like he became a shell of himself, staring off aimlessly and walking around in a zombie-like state.

As Bella's concern grew more and more each day, she and Edward also became less and less physical, as well.

They had yet to make love since Edward came back, but he had started out at least kissing, holding, and hugging her. That had dwindled down to kisses only when he left or came home, to holding each other only while going to sleep, to him holding her until he thought she was asleep before rolling over and curling into a ball facing the window.

Bella barely slept at night, these days. Instead, her mind kept her up, trying to think of ways to help fix her obviously broken husband.

She wasn't sure there was a way. His loss was as great as hers, and she remembered all too well how she dealt with it and how long it had taken her to get to where she was now.

She could only hope that if Edward took as long as she did, that she would be strong enough to hold it together, for both of their sakes.


	144. Chapter 144

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -143-**

Bella's feeling of helplessness grew as the days passed. Tuesday couldn't come fast enough.

Edward continued to be there for her and with her, but not really. His eyes, once bright and full of life, were now dull and shadowed with dark bags. Bella couldn't even remember the last time she'd heard him laugh a true deep laugh. She considered calling Emmett, asking him to talk to his brother, but somehow that felt like she was betraying him. This was their life, their marriage, and it shouldn't be other people's burdens to deal with. She also secretly worried about what exactly Edward had already told him and what his reaction to her might be.

Bella sat pondering ways she could help her husband work through his feelings when Edward walked into the bedroom with nothing but a towel on.

She gasped and clenched her legs as she watched, riveted and instantly aroused, as small droplets of water cascaded down his tanned chest. As one slowly slid down his right peck, circling around his nipple before pooling below it, she felt her own nipples pebble. She let out a soft moan of appreciation; and in desperation to feel some sort of reprieve from her growing sexual frustration, she rubbed her legs together, wetness gathering between them.

"Mmm, Edward," Bella whimpered, not even realizing she was calling to him.

His eyes darted in her direction, widening and darkening even more, before he shook his head and walked towards her.

He lowered himself to his knees, shimmying between hers and, from there, he just watched her for a moment, their eyes meeting in a steady gaze.

"What...what are you doing, love?" Edward asked, his voice cracking and barely above a whisper.

Bella blushed at the intensity in his eyes, before she mumbled out something along the lines of 'it being too long and needing him'. Her head felt too light to be sure of her exact words.

She watched, eyes hooded, as Edward continued to look at her, his eyes calculating, as if trying to figure out a puzzle or come up with a solution. She could see the battle waging within him, and instantly felt bad for getting all turned on when he was in such pain.

"I...I...nothing, never mind," she mumbled as she struggled to get up, embarrassment flaming through her, but his arms held her in place.

"Don't..." Edward said lightly, his eyes boring into hers. "Let me...help you, love."


	145. Chapter 145

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -144-**

Bella's eyes widened as Edward began to pull off her underwear. He stared long and hard once she was bare before him, freshly shaven and soaked, she watched as he gulped thickly before lowering his face between her lips and taking a long, languid stroke with his tongue.

Her knees buckled and a hiss escaped her parted lips. It had been so long since they had been intimate, so long, and his tongue felt amazing on her swollen clit, stroke after stroke taking her further and further, and deeper and deeper, until her legs were shaking and her heart rate accelerating. "So good, baby, so good," she whimpered as she threw her head back, calling out his name as her vision dimmed and her body flooded with heat.

She laid there, her legs slack, as her breathing returned to normal. She smiled down at him, waiting for him to crawl up her body, seat himself deep within her; but to her surprise, instead, he rose to stand, adjusting his obvious hard-on that was peeking through the flap of the towel. He moved to the side of the bed, sat, and leaned down, kissing Bella soundly on the lips before whispering against them, "You taste absolutely delicious, love."

When he moved to get back up, she watched, confused as ever, as he strode across the room, got a pair of boxers and put them on.

When he turned to return to the bed, he must have caught her incredulous look. "I'm too tired for anything more tonight, love. I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Bella's heart sank as she fought to keep her tears and the feeling of rejection at bay.

But hours later, when Edward was already fast asleep, she succumbed to their pressure and silently she shook with burning rejection and let her tears fall.

**...**


	146. Chapter 146

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -145-**

Even though at first he had been rather accepting and on board with the idea of counseling, Edward hadn't been as receptive the second time around. In fact, he seemed almost hostile about it. He had sat through their first session, quiet and stoic, fidgeting constantly and acting as if he'd rather be anywhere else in the world than there.

"It is obvious you are not very pleased about being here, Mr. Masen, but your wife feels you both need this. I am fine with giving you your space, slowly working into things during our sessions, but in my professional opinion, marriage is a one way street, and if you and your wife are constantly walking in opposite directions on this one way street, sooner or later you're bound to crash head-on. Do you understand what I am telling you, Mr. Masen?"

Bella bit back a sob as her husband's emotionless gaze landed on the doctor, staring blankly before giving a curt nod.

"Sorry. I'm just not feeling myself these days. Hopefully by our next appointment I will be more...involved."

"Good," the doctor chirped, a sly smile spreading across his face, "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Edward's head jerked up, his eyes widening at the doctor's words. Bella shook her head slightly, shaking Dr. Atlas' hand as she rose from her chair.

"Thank you so much for seeing us on such short notice. I agree, and think three appointments a week, for now, is best."

After they had exited the building and were making their way across the parking lot to the car, Edward stopped abruptly and turned towards Bella. "Three times a week, really? Isn't that a little...excessive, Bella?"

Bella blanched back at the hostility in Edward's voice, taking a step back, away from him, as she did so.

She shook her head, hanging it at the same time, unable to look her husband in the eyes. "No, Edward, I don't. We need help. I need help. You need help. We can't keep living like this." She took a large step forward, placing her hand on Edward's forearm. "I miss you, Edward. I...I just want us back."

Awkward, painful minutes passed by. Bella remained still, her fingers lightly grazing the soft skin on Edward's arm; he stayed just as still, his eyes transfixed on Bella's moving fingers, until, out of nowhere, he just collapsed at Bella's feet. For a moment fear struck her very core, unable to comprehend what had just happened and what was wrong with Edward, but then heart-wrenching sobs began bellowing out from his crumpled form and her fear was replaced with a wave of relief as she prayed this was Edward's breaking moment, the moment it all came crashing head-on, the moment where he'd finally worked through his pain and hopefully dealt with everything and reverted back to being a closer version to the Edward she knew and loved so very much.

She lowered her trembling body to the ground, curling into him and wrapping her arms around his heaving shoulders. She held him tight, silent tears trickling down her own cheeks as, together, husband and wife finally purged themselves of their losses, their pain, and their past on the asphalt parking lot ground, completely oblivious to the passerby's glances of confusion and curiosity.

**...**


	147. Chapter 147

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -146-**

After Edward's breakthrough breakdown in the parking lot, counseling got better. It had been two weeks since then, and they had now been to five more counseling sessions. Edward had walked into the second one a whole different man than Dr. Atlas had met the day before.

Edward had literally let everything out that day, well, as much as one could in a one-hour period.

Bella had sat silently, only nodding at appropriate times, choking on the occasional sob, and heart thundering constantly as she listened to her husband speak of his insurmountable guilt. How he felt all Bella's issues and heartbreak were his fault. How he didn't feel he deserved her. How he had considered leaving her, thinking that would be better for her, but had once again found that he was too selfish to do so; and by making that choice he had ultimately made himself miserable every time he looked at her, always cross-examining everything in his head, different options for Bella. How her life could be if he just wasn't in it? But just as soon as he got up the nerve to leave, his head would flood with images of another man touching his wife, her smiling, her laughing; and then him, curled up on a filthy sofa somewhere, bleary-eyed and half in the bag, jobless and living off the measly amount of money that was left in his savings as he drank away every penny he had while staring with blood shot eyes at a worn and faded photo of the two of them together, smiling.

It was torturous for Bella to listen to, but at the same time she felt a twinge of relief. She was happy he was finally sharing his feelings, and relieved that he, too, felt the same kind of guilt she had over the years. Maybe for different reasons, but all adding up to mean the same thing. They were both scared and learning, and human; and human's made irrational decisions at times, stupid decisions, decisions that seemed right at the time, but turned out not to be so bright later on down the road.


	148. Chapter 148

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -147-**

In a matter of two short weeks, Bella and Edward learned ways to cope with those decisions, how to share their thoughts, their fears, and their hopes. Already Bella saw their future brighter, stronger, happier.

That is until she walked into their seventh session and Dr. Atlas smiled all apologetic like as she sat down, instantly blurting out that it was time for them to broach the subject of their little girl.

Edward's eyes went wide, darting in Bella's direction for a fraction of a second before swiveling back to the doctor and then repeating the motion all over again.

"With all due respect, Dr. Atlas, I think as individuals and as a couple we have come a long way in a rather short period of time. Don't you feel that maybe bringing up such powerful and painful subjects might be pushing a little too much too fast?"

Bella smiled softly, instantly catching on to Edward's concern and wanting to alleviate some of his worry. She was ready for this. She could be strong, swallow her anxiety, her fears, and let the guilt flow freely if it meant saving her marriage, hell, saving herself.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm okay. We can do this." His eyes met hers for a long, silent moment, until Dr. Atlas cleared his throat, drawing both of their attention towards him. The look on his face was that of a parent about to chastise their child, and Edward blanched momentarily at the intensity of it.

"Mr. Masen, where I can understand your concern, you also have to realize this is what you are here for, to share and open up and examine the many reasons why you are both so guilt heavy and how your marriage can survive and persevere through such a trying and difficult time. We have made significant progress, this is true, but I see so much potential with the two of you, as individuals and as partners. Your love is strong, your compassion and desire to please each other rarely seen. I think now is the perfect time to broach that one last subject that seems to haunt you both so deeply. It's time to deal with it head-on and find a way that works for the both of you to accept what has happened and find a way to adjust your lives to be able to live with it. I don't want to waste your money having you here and repetitively going over the same things. I am sure you want to see progress just as much as I want to help you meet that goal, but I digress, it is your session, your money, your time. I am here to talk about whatever you need. So, whereas that is my professional opinion, the choice, Mr. and Mrs. Masen, is ultimately yours."


	149. Chapter 149

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -148-**

The next two weeks of counseling wore the couple down.

Dr. Atlas' constant barrage of questions slowly picking away at the hastily constructed armor they both tended to wear in a desperate attempt to shield their selves from even more pain.

The armor was now cracked, pieces crumbling, others falling off in whole chunks.

And it hurt.

God did it hurt.

Bella was wracked with guilt as she sat idly by, session after session, tears streaming down her face, her vision blurring and heart clenching, as Edward poured out every thought, feeling, and fear he had.

Turned out he had a lot of resentment towards his parents, which really was no surprise.

What was a surprise, though, was the fact that they apparently hounded and harassed Edward on a daily basis back in high school about Bella. Edward had never mentioned that to her, and she couldn't help the sting of hurt that pulsed through her as she listened to him explain how his parents thought she would do nothing but hold him back, and how they were constantly trying to convince him she was unfaithful.

She could barely form words by that point, but was able to rapidly shake her head, whimpering, "No, never," over and over again.

Her fears about Edward's guilt were also confirmed. He blamed the whole thing on himself. Instead of dividing the blame into the places it should be, he took the whole weight of it on himself.

...if he had just tried harder not to let his parents get in his head...

...if he had stuck around and listened to Bella that night back in Forks... had more faith in their love...in her...

...if he had tried to contact her sooner...

If...

If...

If...

That was a lot of if's, and nowhere in there did he once fault Bella for her choices.

* * *

><p><strong>I need to take a moment and thank the many lovely ladies who took the time to leave their thoughts for me. I am so sorry I have not responded to reviews as often these days. I will try to get better at it.<strong>

**Lady Moon Shadows**

**Shin Maxwell**

**hapakids**

**twiclare**

**JoJoSky**

**neelix lee**

**rclaurel**

**biblepam**

**Naerts**

**mummyreubroman**

**MaryMary123**

**Scarlett72**

**kfoll**

**Cattinson**

**moonwinks**

**debslmac**

**Kvgamble**

**2muchtrouble**

**twilightstuff**

**redviolet**

**PastOneOnta**

**Beka**

**cpettit**

**MaryAnnaBella**

**Sherilynn**

**AzLady2003**

**vampiregirl31**

**hikingurl48**

**And to answer a couple questions...**

**No, Edward is not related to Esme and Carlisle. His parents are Ed and Elizabeth**

**Yes, there is still one envelope out there that has not yet been addressed ;-)**


	150. Chapter 150

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tissue warning, as per Sherry :-)<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -149-**

Momentarily she was relieved, her held breath leaving her in one loud whoosh.

But then she looked towards Edward, and the anguish that marred his features caused her heart to literally slam into her ribcage

And she broke.

Right then and there.

Barely able to rise on her shaky legs that gave out seconds after she finally managed to get out of her chair.

She fell to a crumpled heap of liquid bones and aching organs on the floor, sobbing, her whole body heaving with the strength of her pain.

Edward was immediately at her side, asking if she was okay, helping her off of the cold, unyielding floor.

But she shrugged him off, feeling deserving of her cold spot all alone, and undeserving of his worry, his compassion.

Not until he understood at least.

She was beyond believing she didn't deserve happiness, because she knew, finally, that she did; and she wanted that with Edward.

What she didn't want was this ever-building guilt they both carried with them.

Edward needed to understand.

So, with shaky hands she pushed him away, forcing herself to look up into his face, his shocked expression meeting her gaze, and with strength and resolve she no longer thought she possessed, she told him everything.

This time not leaving out even one-minute part of their time apart.

She made him understand that no matter what choices he made prior to leaving, after he had gone, she had made her own as well.

Each one of them ultimately leading them to where they were today.

She begged him to let go of the guilt, to just accept, hopefully forgive her, and himself, and move on.

She wept and shivered as she whimpered out how much she loved him...

How much she needed him...

And how much she missed the man she had loved for so long, because, for months now, to her, he had been nowhere in sight.

Their session that last day at counseling had gone over by one and half hours. Dr. Atlas had quietly called his secretary and had his next two appointments cancelled, realizing today they needed this, that this would be their breakthrough point.

And it was.

Bella and Edward walked out of there, hand in hand, hearts lighter, smiles genuine, and hope blossoming within their chests.


	151. Chapter 151

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW- <strong>

** -150-**

Slowly, Bella and Edward began to put together the years they had spent lost without one another.

At Dr. Atlas' insistence, they spent another month with him, finally telling the painful snippets of their years apart, purging their every last pain, sharing their fears, and finally granting forgiveness to each other and themselves before openly weeping and professing their ever-growing love.

By this time, Edward's hospital hours had tapered off. Newly graduating students were coming on board at the hospital, which left him with more time to study for his impending final USMLE. He had plenty of time; and Bella told him as much, but his reasoning was sound- he wanted to study while he had the time, and he spent any and all time he could studying in the living room.

Bella sat opposite him more often than not, lazing and reading, and just enjoying the comfort of being in each other's presence.

That day, Bella had her feet propped up on the coffee table as she read through Emily Bronte's novel once again.

Her leg jerked and her feet and toes wiggled to a beat she heard in her head whenever she read the beautiful love story.

Edward's long fingers lightly grazing her bare leg startled her out of the moment she was at in her book.

She looked up at Edward; her eyes instantly apologetic, thinking her bobbing feet were disturbing him.

Instead of looking up into eyes filled with annoyance, she locked gazes with smoldering, hooded green.

She bit back a moan at the sight, her legs clenching in response.

"Did you know that every time you shift your right leg I can see up your nightshirt? And, Bella, the fact that you seemed to have forgotten to put on underwear has not escaped me. At all. Quite the opposite, love. I've been sitting here, pretending to study for well over twenty minutes while imagining you bent over that couch while I fucked that tight pussy of yours until your legs jittered for a whole different reason."

Bella felt her nipples tighten at his words. She bit down gently on her bottom lip, and then let out a soft gasp. It had been so long since Edward had spoken to her that way, all dominant, sexy, and filled with desperate want.

_Fuck!_

"Then do it."


	152. Chapter 152

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -151-**

Edward made a noise that resembled that a large cat might make, almost purring, but wilder, gravelly. His eyes rose to meet hers as he lifted his body from his chair, and they were dark, predatory, and hungry.

Her wild cat was back. She whimpered at the sight, her legs falling open as he moved towards her.

"Fuck, baby. I want you. So bad," she groaned, her hands darting out and latching onto the loops of his worn blue jeans.

"I want you, too. Get up, love, and bend over."

There was nothing sweet, nor romantic, nor gentle about their actions, their touches.

Edward damned near strangled Bella in his haste to get her nightshirt off of her. And Bella gouged out a chunk of Edward's skin, down there, so close to his hard cock as she struggled to get the button undone and the zipper open.

As soon as his pants dropped around his ankles, Bella jerked forward, her lips smashing painfully against Edward's.

She groaned and tilted her head, letting her mouth open and her tongue dart out. She couldn't bring herself to turn around, to not see him, and apparently he felt the same way 'cause when it was too much and they were turned on beyond all reason, Edward's tip slid right into Bella's soaking pussy. One quick thrust and he slid all the way in, causing Bella's breath to hitch and the walls of her pussy to clamp in desperation. Already she was so close. It had been so long; he felt so good.

"Fuck! Harder, Edward. I want to, fuck...so close." She leaned into him, her heels digging into his ass to support her, and bit down on his earlobe.

"Bella, fuck! I'm..."

Edward gyrated his hips and slammed into Bella, hard, unrelenting, and frantic. She arched back, her hard, pebbled nipples pointing up, at him, just begging for attention. Edward leaned forward, clamped his teeth around one nipple and grit down, causing Bella to arch further into him as she let out a moan of both shock and pleasure. It wasn't painful, not in the least. It was unexpected, and was just the right kind of burn to set her on fire.

As she writhed and moaned her way through her orgasm, Edward's name falling from her slightly parted lips, Edward joined her, thrusting up and in, harder and harder, until his movements became erratic, then slow, before he gently dropped both of their bodies down, collapsing onto the cool floor, together, sweaty, satiated, and giggling at their current position.


	153. Chapter 153

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -152-**

"You're really okay with that?" Bella asked, her heart hammering in her chest. She prayed he was. She wanted it that way, too. But, at this point, she would give Edward whatever closure he needed in whatever way he needed it.

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead and sighing. "It's the last piece, not just for me, but for you, as well. If we want to move on, truly move on, then it needs to be done. But, yeah, I don't think doing it in Dr. Atlas' office is the right decision, for us. This weekend, together, here, in our home, sounds right to me."

Bella let out a long whoosh of the breath she had been holding. Edward made all her insecurities feel appropriate, like what she was feeling made sense. She wasn't sure what all would be in the adoption envelope from Esme, but she did know that it was a final piece to their pasts that needed to be addressed, finally. And she wanted that to be with just her and Edward present, not a stranger who, although infinitely helpful in fixing their relationship bubbles, was still just that. A stranger. It felt too personal, too much so to share with anyone but Edward.


	154. Chapter 154

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -153-**

Today was their very last appointment with Dr. Atlas, and, surprisingly, Bella had conflicting feelings about that. Aside from the obvious infamous envelope, the doctor was only trying to be honest by telling the couple that he felt there was nothing more he could offer them aside from an ear to listen. And at one hundred and fifty dollars an hour, that was one expensive ear.

But, on the other hand, the doctor had been such a huge stepping-stone to them, to their relationship prevailing. It was hard to let go of something you held so reverently in your mind, something- no, someone- who you attributed the success of your marriage to. He was a vice, however, and Bella was not too blind to see that. It was time. Time to let go and move forward, time to be their own people without the constant guidance of a professional.

They had friends, and family, all of which would probably pay _them_ to be privy to the secrecy they had been holding on so tightly to. Sure Roberta knew most of it, but not all; she would be the easiest to talk to, so much less to explain. Same with Alice. But, Bella and Edward both decided that once they had come to terms with their past, then, and only then, they would sit their friends and family down, all together, and share everything they felt they needed to know with them. Now though, they needed to not worry about everyone else, and for once, worry about themselves.

"Thanks for being so amazing, Edward," Bella whispered into his shirt, and she truly meant it. Every day, he reminded her in one way or another of just how rare a man, a human, he was. He gave his self so freely, his love, his patience, his devotion and commitment; and Bella could never begin to express how lucky she was to have such an amazing creature to spend her life with. Never would she take advantage of him or what they shared. After all they had been through, all their time apart, and all their struggles to rebuild their love and trust, she had learned just how precious what they had together was. It was an extraordinary, unconditional kind of devotion. A rarity of its kind, she was sure.

* * *

><p>All right, here's where I need to tell y'all to strap in, grab a whole box of tissues, and possibly a security blanket. We have about 30 some odd chapters to go, and I am sure you can imagine what could possibly be in those final chapters.<p>

Episode 11 starts in the next chapter. I am just heading out to appointments and work, but I will try to post a chapter or two more today if I can.

xx


	155. Chapter 155

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Episode 11<strong>

** -TLWLW-**

** -154-**

Bella woke up the morning of June sixth thinking it was just another Wednesday, a normal, sunny June day.

She had no idea just how off that statement was.

Sure, Edward was attending his last day at the hospital for a while. He had booked a solid few weeks off; that was different, but not really. The birds were chirping outside her window, the sky was blue, and the sun was shining. She got up, showered, got herself a drink and something to eat. All rather everyday things. But as she grabbed her novel and headed to the backyard in nothing but her bathing suit, hoping to catch a few rays while devouring her newest literature obsession before she had to tidy up and start dinner, her doorbell rang.

That alone should have told her something. No one ever showed up unannounced, not recently; hell, not in a very long time, truth be told.

But she thought nothing of it. Thinking it was some young girl wanting to sell Girl Guide cookies, or something of that sort, she set her book down, padded over to the door, and smiled as she swung it open.

The officer on the other side of the door, looking at her with a forlorn grimace was more than enough to swipe that smile off of her face. Instantly, her heart dropped down into her stomach and nausea gurgled and rose in her throat.

All she could think about was Edward and how this morning she didn't wake up with him and kiss him goodbye. Could this be her penance? Was something wrong with her husband?

Visions of car crashes and crunched up metal bombarded her, and she had to lean forward, her palms darting out to her knees to hold her up. Her breaths came out erratically, her vision blurred. She spluttered and sobbed uncontrollably and the officer had still yet to say anything.

Through wrenching hiccups and painful gasps she barely made out the officer's voice, cautiously asking her if she was okay.

She tried to shake her head, but the motion caused her to lose her balance. Instead, she toppled over like a ragdoll, crumpling against the cold cement of her doorstep.

"Ma'am, I am going to touch you, to help you up. Okay?" Wheezing in small spurts of breaths, Bella was able to nod, only once, but enough to let the officer know she understood, that she wanted his help.

He lifted her effortlessly and carried her in the door. Setting her down gently on one of the kitchen table chairs, he bent to her level.

"Ma'am, are you okay? Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Bella shook her head frantically. She didn't need a damn doctor; she needed to know what was wrong with her husband.

That had to be why he was here. There was no one else he would come here about. She had no one else.

She concentrated on calming her breathing, fighting with her body to listen and follow her commands. She gasped and sputtered and slowly managed to croak out in a barely audible groan, "Edward...is Edward okay?"


	156. Chapter 156

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong> -TLWLW-<strong>

** -155-**

Bella looked up just as the officer was opening his mouth to respond to her.

In a movement so sudden she even startled the officer, she darted her hand up, effectively cutting him off from even beginning to speak.

"Wait...wait...I...I don't know if I can handle it." Tears pooled and swirled her vision, causing the officer's face to contort. She held her breath, vainly trying to control her emotions, but she just couldn't hold back her anguish.

She didn't want to hear that Edward was hurt, but she did. If he was, she needed to go to him, to be with him, but what if it was worse? What if...

"Ma'am, I am so sorry to have caused you any distress, but I assure you I am not here in regards to anyone named Edward."

_ What?_

What?

"What?"

Bella's head darted up, her pupils fluttering rapidly back and forth before zoning in on the man in front of her.

She couldn't have heard him right.

Why else would he be there?

"I...I don't understand."

"I'm so sorry, Ma'am. I assure you, as far as I know, this Edward, he is fine. I am here for an entirely different matter. Do you think you'll be okay now?"

It took Bella a few moments to gather herself, to come to terms and accept that her husband was fine. And she did, almost, but not really.

"Can...can you give me just a moment? I know your time is precious, but you gave me quite a scare. I just need to call my husband; I just need to hear his voice. Excuse me." Bella didn't wait for the officer's reply. Instead, she jumped up and ran for her cell phone.

As fast as her shaky fingers could she dialed Edward's number, praying as she paced back and forth in small circles that he would answer.


	157. Chapter 157

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -156-**

Four rings in and she was about to hang up, her chest aching once again, filled with dread from her earlier fright, when Edward's muffled voice filled her ears.

She choked back a sob at the sound, unable to answer him at first when he asked if everything was alright.

A few deep breaths along with Edward's panicked demands to know if she was okay and she was finally able to get her words out.

"Thank God you're okay, Edward. When the officer came to the door I immediately assumed the worst, and I freaked out a little, but then he carried me in the house and told me it had nothing to do with you. I believed him, I swear, but I just had to hear your voice. Oh, baby, I was so fucking scared."

Tears silently trickled down her blotchy cheeks as she finally calmed down and stopped blubbering out nonsense. Edward surely had no idea what she was talking about.

"Bella, calm down. I need to know, first and foremost, are you okay?"

She nodded her head for a moment before realizing he obviously couldn't see her, then spoke softly instead, "Yes."

Edward's breath whooshed out in relief so raggedly it was easy to hear on the other end of the line, and immediately Bella felt horrible for scaring him with her frantic craziness.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm fine. Much more so now that I know you are..." Bella stopped mid-sentence when she noticed a familiar petite form coming through the doorway.

"Is she okay?" the woman asked as she turned towards the officer in the kitchen.

"Edward, I love you, but I've got to go."

As she clicked end, she turned, her eyes slanting slightly as they darted back and forth between the now standing officer and someone she hadn't seen since high school. She took one step at a time, slowly, calculated, until she was standing face to face with her, eyeing her skeptically, trying to understand what could possibly be going on.

"Angela... Angela Webber? What are you doing here?"


	158. Chapter 158

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tissue warning as per sherry<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -157-****  
><strong>

"Bella, it's good to see you again. It's been too long." Angela smiled, but to Bella, it looked forced, too fake. She returned a similar smile before letting her nerves and impatience get the best of her.

"You too, Angela. Now, do you mind telling me what this," she motioned wildly with her arms, "is all about?"

"Yes, yes. Of course. You're right. This is far from a social call. Please, Bella, sit." While Angela talked she rooted around in a briefcase she had on the kitchen table, pulling out paperwork before she lowered herself into the chair beside Bella.

Warily Bella joined her at the table. She clamped her hands together, twining and untwining her fingers as she stared at the stack of white papers.

"First, let me apologize for the scare Officer Biers gave you earlier. I got stuck in traffic and didn't know he wouldn't be waiting for me. There is actually one other person who should be joining us. However, he, too, is apparently stuck in traffic. But while we wait for him to get here, I can explain a bit of why we are here."

Bella turned towards Officer Bier and smiled softly. "Sorry for overreacting earlier. I let my imagination get the best of me. I hope I didn't scar you permanently with my dramatic freak out."

The officer suppressed a chuckle, "It's already forgotten, Ma'am. No harm done."

"Please, call me Bella. Now, Angela, please, continue."

Angela slowly slid the stack of papers across the table towards Bella. "You recall this paperwork, yes?" she asked softly.

Bella flipped but one page before her hands began trembling. She blanched visibly, jerking her hands back as if the paper had burnt her.

"Of course I do," she spat, her defenses rising right along with her anxiety. "What is this about?" she demanded as she lifted the papers before dropping them with a soft thud back onto the table. "What the hell is going on here?"

Angela inhaled deeply before meeting Bella's gaze, then she let that breath whoosh out before she rapidly and calmly explained why she was there.

"Nine months ago there was a brutal car crash just outside of British Columbia. Four people died that night. Carlisle and Esme Cullen were two of them. This documentation, along with Esme and Carlisle's final wills are all about you. Well, you and Cassie, of course."

Bella sucked in a sharp intake of breath. Her chest tightened and panged painfully.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Carlisle and Esme were two of the nicest people she had ever met. And...and they were dead? Tears sprang to her eyes, filling rapidly before overflowing and trailing down her face.

They had been so young, so full of life, and love. It seemed so unfair, so...

Bella's thoughts stopped abruptly, words ringing in her ears over and over that were just then starting to sink in.

As they did, it felt like a ten-ton anvil had been dropped on her chest, forcefully pushing out every last breath she had with its painful crushing.

Cassie...

Cassie...

Could Cassie be…her name? Her baby's name?

But does that mean?

Is that why they were there?

No...

Bella almost choked at the thought.

No, her baby girl couldn't be...


	159. Chapter 159

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -158-**

Bella's eyes jerked up, desperation and ever-mounting pain filling them as she searched out Angela's.

Angela's hand grasped onto Bella's, sympathy swimming in her old friend's eyes.

Rapidly, Bella whipped her head back and forth, unable to accept the conclusions her mind was drawing up, nor was she able to voice them either.

"We've been looking for you for almost nine months, Bella," Angela began softly, "You've been surprisingly hard to find."

Bella just stared at her like she had two heads. Here she was spouting about months and locations when Bella's heart was cracking.

_What the fuck?_

She pulled her hand back, her eyes slanting and nostrils flaring as she sniffed back the dampness in her nose. "Cassie?" Bella garbled out through raspy breaths, "Is she...is she?"

Angela's eyes widened as her hand flew to her chest. "Oh God, Bella. No...no...Cassie is fine. Well, as fine as any six-year-old girl who just lost their grandparents could be, but she's safe. She's been staying with a temporary foster family until we could locate you."

Bella's whole demeanor shifted instantly at Angela's words. Her eyes squinted as she struggled to understand what she was hearing, confusion clutching onto her frantic thoughts.

"Grandparents?" Bella questioned, trying to make sense of information that seemingly made no sense at all. But Angela just nodded, her eyes still sympathetic and soft as she nudged the paperwork closer to Bella.

"Officer Biers and I are going to step outside and wait for Mr. Jenks to arrive. Re-read this paperwork, Bella. Take your time. I'll be back in soon to answer any questions you may have."

Once Angela left, Bella sat still for a few minutes. All she could do was stare at the papers in front of her, hard, as if willing them to give her all the answers she so desperately sought; and maybe they could, if only she just read them.

Her head was spinning, thought upon thought jumbling together, clashing and falling to pieces as each new one surfaced.

Slowly, she reached forward, her shaky fingers clasping onto the white sheets and flipping open to the first page, and with an aching need and bleary eyes she read page after page of something she apparently should have read a long time ago.


	160. Chapter 160

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tissue warning as per sherry<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -159-****  
><strong>

Bella was a sobbing, snotty mess by the time Edward came barreling in the front door. His hair was a complete mess and his eyes were wild and bloodshot as they landed on a startled Bella. He was across the room and had her wrapped in his arms in a heartbeat.

"Bella, fuck, thank God you're okay. You scared the shit out of me. I tried calling you back after you hung up on me, but I just kept getting a busy signal, so I drove straight here. What the hell is going on around here? There's an officer, Angela from high school, and some pudgy, bald guy on the front porch." He spoke into Bella's hair, wanting answers but also just relieved his wife was okay. He struggled with his own tears that he had been fighting to keep at bay the whole drive home as he held Bella tightly to him.

Before Bella could say anything, Angela appeared in the doorway, looking apologetic as she cleared her throat to get their attention. "Bella, Edward, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Jenks is here now, and we all have to get back to Forks before the offices close to get our paperwork sorted. Bella, I am assuming things are making more sense to you now, yes?" Bella nodded minutely, as Edward turned slightly in her arms. She watched as his eyes darted back and forth between herself and Angela. It was obvious he was attempting to figure out what the hell was going on.

"I have some forms for you to sign, Bella," Angela continued. "Then Officer Biers and I can leave and let Mr. Jenks explain his side of things to you. He, too, has a few forms you will need to sign for his end of things. But as far as my part in all of this goes, pending your signature, I should be able to have everything all together and sorted so I can bring her home to you Monday."

Bella gasped and Edward pulled further back as he asked, "Who? Who are you bringing home?" His voice was gruff, his eyes beseeching, confusion and irritation evident in the tone.

Bella bit down on her bottom lip as another round of sobs clawed their way up her aching throat, she struggled to hold them back, but she wasn't strong enough. With a hiccupped wail, she collapsed into Edward's arms again, her whole body wracked with pain and ...hope, hope that allowed her quivering voice to make out two words, two words that left Edward shocked speechless.

"Our daughter."


	161. Chapter 161

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -160-**

Bella didn't get a chance to talk to Edward about everything she had learned, everything she had read. Not a first. First, together, with Bella trying to come to terms with everything and Edward trying to get even the smallest grasp on what the heck was going on, they sat through fifteen minutes with Jason Jenks. Jason Jenks was a lawyer, and not just any lawyer, he was Carlisle's and Esme's, who just happened to have an ironclad will that left a huge amount of money to Cassie Belle Swan-Cullen in trust for when she decided to go off to school, and then another huge amount for when she turned twenty-five. The rest of their estate, their home back in Forks, their vehicles, another sum of money that made Bella's eyes pop, and custody of Cassie was left to Isabella Marie Swan.

With shaky fingers and a numbness radiating throughout her entire being, Bella signed three sets of forms. Mr. Jenks assuring her the difference in last names would have no bearing whatsoever with finalizing the paperwork before leaving her with her own copy, wishing her luck and offering his condolences, then ducking out the door with a nod.

Long after his car was out of sight, Bella remained in the doorway, staring off at not a single thing, seeing cars whirl past and birds fly by, but not really. Her mind was a chaotic mess of a place to be at the moment, and she was sure it was only about to get even more complicated.

Her guess was confirmed when she felt Edward come up behind her. His hands rested on her hips as he placed his chin on her shoulder. As his hot breath ghosted across her cheek, he whispered in a tone that was clearly pleading, "It's obvious a lot has happened today, but I need answers, Bella. I need to understand. Please, come sit, tell me what is going on, and I am begging you, please explain what you meant earlier when you said _our _daughter is coming home."


	162. Chapter 162

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -161-**

Bella nodded, just barely, but she did. Then, silently, she turned, curling her smaller hand into Edward's larger one. Staring at them entwined, she walked towards the sofa. Without letting go of him, she spent an hour telling Edward everything she knew so far. There were, of course, holes she couldn't fill. Only Esme or Carlisle could, but what she knew, she shared, and together they pieced together the missing spots as best they could.

As it turned out, Esme had the adoption papers altered by her lawyer before getting Bella to sign the final copy, a copy Bella refused to read before signing, a copy she was given and had refused to read until that very day, when she had no choice. In the final and signed copy, Esme and Carlisle had been given temporary guardianship as adoptive grandparents. Bella remained the child's legal mother.

In the document it stated the temporary guardianship would be valid for ten years before a new set of documents would need to be negotiated and signed, time for Bella to finish school and make a life for herself.

During those ten years, however, Bella was granted full access to be a part of Esme, Carlisle, and Cassie's life.

_If only she had been stronger, if only she had known._

_ All that time._

_ So much time._

Bella couldn't help but wonder what her little girl had been told, what she thought of her, what she looked like. She hoped Cassie still had Edward's eyes. She had read somewhere that a baby's eyes can change color within the first years of its life. She hoped that wasn't the case.

* * *

><p><strong>Rubbing my chest a lil to ease the sting...not gonna lie.<strong>

**Shout out to these supportive and amazing gals. I did respond to a few of you, which means I am getting better, but not by much :-S**

**twiclare**

**Naerts**

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**frosted glaze**

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**vampiregirl31**

**MaryMary123**

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**Sherilyn**

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**2muchtrouble**

**moonwinks**

**teacher1209**

**edwardsminion**

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**Kvgamble**

**Lal69**

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**MinaRivera**

**lizzynunie**

**maryannabella**

**Shin Maxwell**

**Cattinson**


	163. Chapter 163

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -162-**

Edward's eyes widened as slowly Bella's words sunk in. Instantly, he pulled her into his arms, his sobs now prominent and all consuming.

"Of course I'm happy, Bella. Over the moon, to be precise, but with that happiness comes other emotions. This is a lot to take in all at once, and I can't help but feel overwhelmed. If I'm being honest, my nerves are clouding my happiness. I'm just worried, I mean..." Edward sighed heavily, trying to reign in his emotions, before he quickly choked out, "What if she doesn't like me?"

"Oh, Edward. She'll love you. I'm sure of it. Maybe at first she is going to be a little apprehensive and skittish, but that is only to be expected. She's six years old. We don't know what she knows, we might never, but she's our daughter, and she's all alone in the world right now, probably scared and withdrawn. I know I would be, and I know what those feelings can do to a person, never mind a confused and grieving child. But I truly believe this is good for us, all of us. Well," Bella paused momentarily, immediately regretting her choice of words. This wasn't good for everyone. This newfound happiness, this brand new chance came at a very high cost, the lives of two truly glorious souls. "What I meant was, this will work. We'll grow together and learn together, and one day it will all feel natural and perfect. I promise." Bella prayed that was a promise she could keep, because deep down she, too, had her own doubts and worries. However, she also knew that doubting and worrying could eat at a person, destroy them from the inside out, and she wouldn't allow that, not this time, not again.

"Oh my god, Bella. Why didn't I think of it sooner?" Edward pulled back, his eyes wide and bright and excited. "The last envelope, the one Esme left you with at the hospital. Maybe it has answers we're looking for."

Bella nodded slowly, her heart jumping into her throat. Edward was right, of course, but the thought of opening that envelope, that likely contained something written from Esme, or Carlisle, had the hairs on the back of her neck standing and goosebumps prickling across her flesh.


	164. Chapter 164

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -163-**

"You get it, okay?" Bella asked, softly, needing a moment to gather her thoughts, along with strength. Yeah, definitely lots of that, too.

"Okay," Edward whispered back as he rose from the floor, easily understanding that his wife obviously needed a minute to herself.

Edward took his time coming back, and Bella found herself reflecting over the times she had spent with Esme and Carlisle, Esme especially. She had grown attached to the woman so quickly, so fiercely. It had been almost as hard to leave her behind when she left as it was to leave her own child. Knowing what she did now, she couldn't help but wonder 'what if'? But she could also understand that playing that game could be one hell of a downward spiral emotionally. There were no 'what if's' in life, there was only 'what is'; she accepted that and had never been as grateful as she was right then that Edward and her had finally gotten their shit together and were in a place, a safe, solid, and healthy place to be taking such a huge change with stride.

"You should open it, Bella. It's addressed to you," Edward said as he lowered himself back down to sit beside her.

She toyed at the edges of the envelope, her eyes never leaving the elegant script her name was written in. Esme's handwriting, she was sure. Plump tears formed and dropped, one at a time, splashing onto the brown envelope and darkening the letters as her pointer finger slowly slid beneath the flap, opening and pulling back.

She sighed heavily as she slid the papers out. The thick stack was a copy of the adoption, which she quickly scanned, confirming it was the exact same copy she had read earlier that day before handing it, without a word, to Edward.

While Edward was looking over the documents, Bella tipped the envelope, causing another, smaller one to fall out into her lap. She gasped softly, not really surprised to find it but slightly scared that she had. This was it. This was what she had been hiding from for so long, and now she would finally read words she should have long ago, words that could no longer be responded to, words that she was sure would break a piece of her heart she now realized belonged to a beautiful, compassionate woman, in all senses of the word, and her caring, kind-hearted husband.


	165. Chapter 165

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Because I love you all so much. I had to post this now. xx<strong>

**Box of tissues warning- even I needed them writing this :-( Yeah, I'm a softy- just don't tell anyone.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -164-**

In a voice so soft and trembling so thickly, Bella read the letter aloud. It was painful and heart-wrenching, as she knew it would be, but she also found it enlightening and fulfilling in a way she never knew possible. It was goodbye without even meaning to be. It was comforting and crushing. It was the truth Bella couldn't see staring directly at her when she should have. It was what it was, and as Bella read each word, her heart cracked. She was sure a small piece splintered with that crack, crumbling and falling into the pit of her stomach, never to be repaired, nor ever forgotten. And she wouldn't want it to feel any differently. This feeling, this loss, this small shattering of her life-vessel felt exactly as it should in the wake of all the truths and revelations she had been thrust into realizing, accepting.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_Words cannot express how happy you have made me, made us. Carlisle is over the moon about bringing your beautiful girl home with us. I know I should be saying ours, but there's a problem with that. She isn't. She will always be yours, a product of a love so strong that your fragile heart couldn't bear to let go of it, that your body and mind couldn't function properly without. I understand that kind of love; I have had the true blessing of experiencing it more than once, in more ways than one. When I was sixteen, I found that with Carlisle. After eighteen years together, we still have it, only stronger, fiercer, growing more and more and deeper and deeper by the minute. Mere months ago, I felt that all-consuming love blossom and grow as I gazed longingly at the tiny black and white image you so selflessly gave to me. I know that might be hard to understand for some people, how just an image of a person not yet born can be so much, cause such strong feelings to bloom, but I know you understand. In fact, I'm sure you always have. You are such a strong and amazing woman, Bella. I could see that in you right away. I could also see stubbornness and pain and a strong refusal to accept or embrace anything close to love. But I know that you love your little girl. Maybe only mothers can see that deeply past the facade, but either way, I saw. I know I don't know the whole story with you and Edward, but I heard you speak of him once when you fell asleep while I was over. I saw his worn picture crumpled in your hands as you slept. Even behind all the pain that is so obviously overpowering in your eyes, in your stature, in your demeanor, I can see the strongest of loves struggling to understand, to accept. I can only pray that one day the two of you find each other once again._

_But, I digress._

_The third and final ever-changing love I experienced is exactly my reason for altering the adoption papers the way that I did. I have longed for a child for so long now. And although, if ever given the chance to have my own, I would love my child just as completely whether it was a boy or a girl, a daughter has always held a special desire in my heart. _

_The past months that I have had the absolute pleasure of getting to know you as a person, seeing how passionate and bright you are behind the mask of defeat and hopelessness that seems to be stitched to your very being, I fell in love with you. Your compassion for others and your constant need to make others happy shows just how rare and beautiful and deserving you are. And I know deep down, in time, and with strong perseverance, you will one day be the you that I am positive I have already met in my heart. The small glimpses of a happy teenager, smiling, laughing, and carefree that I have been lucky enough to experience have been so heartwarming and such a rarity, but they were there. _

_They will come to fruition once again, I am sure. It is who you are, Bella. You can only fight your true self for so long; pain and loss can only hold you prisoner for so long before you find it is actually you who has taken over the role of judge, jury, and prosecutor. _

_For months now, I have looked at you with new eyes, understanding love, and accepting loyalty. I could not, in good conscience, adopt your little girl as my own, as my daughter, because somehow, at some point in time, you became that to me, a daughter._

_This little girl will be raised with every ounce of love a child can be filled with. She will have grandparents who will cherish every single moment with her, laugh with her when she finds the silliest of things amusing, marvel with her when she finds the oddest and most insignificant of earth's treasures wondrous, and cry with her when she undoubtedly feels the harshness even the smallest of moments in this life that cause us to hurt or make us sad._

_I can only hope, that in time, when you figure out your path, find the girl I know you hold prisoner within yourself, and set her free, you come back to us, join us in this life that you have so magnanimously bestowed upon us all._

_I will wait patiently and without judgment for you to return to us._

_All my love,_

_Esme Cullen._


	166. Chapter 166

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -165-**

Wordlessly, Edward held Bella as she cried and screamed, and on occasion tried to push him away. He never let her, though. He'd just tighten his hold and whispered against her how much he loved her. She felt defeat mounting within her once more and she hated that feeling, remembered it all too well. She struggled with her mind and heart, her pain and grief, and hours later, when her tears were nothing but dried tracks on her face, she looked up, eyes swollen and deeply bloodshot, into comfort and warmth and her constant reminder that she could not allow herself to get lost inside the darkness that lurked within her. Edward needed her, just as much as she needed him, and now, now her little girl would need for her to be the strong one, to comfort her, not the other way around.

Edward and Bella talked late into the night, moving to the porch for fresh air and ending up falling asleep on the front swing.

When morning came all too soon, birds chirping louder than she recalled them chirping before and the sky the brightest it had been in days, Bella groaned and tried to stretch her stiff limbs, bumping Edward accidentally as she did, causing him to jar awake, a lazy grin on his face and a yawn blowing from his mouth.

"Morning, love. We have a lot to do today. Think you're up for it?"

Bella cocked her head, wondering just what he was referring to. Yesterday had been stressful enough, she had thought today she might just relax, allow everything to soak in, get lost in her thoughts, that sort of thing.

Edward smirked at her confused look before taking her hand in his. "Our little girl is coming home, for the first time, finally, in but a few days. We have that empty room upstairs. I'm thinking we go on a serious shopping spree and make that room feel more like a little princesses' for her."


	167. Chapter 167

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -166-**

A single tear formed in Bella's eye. Just one plump tear, but the reason for it was monumental in size. She sniffled as it slid down her face before throwing her arms around Edward and gushing into his shirt, "I never knew I could love you more than I did, but just now, I think I fell in love with you all over again, deeper, stronger." In that very moment Bella understood a part of Esme's letter with so much clarity she almost lost her breath at the thought. She and Edward had the same kind of love Esme and Carlisle did. It was all-consuming, and when parted they would never be whole or right, and as the days and weeks, and months and moments passed by, she would always find new things, small and big, to make her fall even deeper into a love so powerful, so irrevocable that even the strongest tests of life couldn't repress its strength.

After showering and changing, they left the house to go shopping for their little girl. Store after store they ran around like kids, a catchy excitement neither had experienced since grade school overcoming them. Bella laughed as Edward bounced on bed after bed, claiming one was too hard, one too springy, another too soft, until he landed on the last one in the last row and sighed upon contact, patting the spot next to him and giving her a sly grin.

Giddily, she hopped up next to him, curling into his side. "You know, that little show of yours right there was like some weird version of Goldilocks. It was sort of comical, really."

Edward chuckled and pulled her closer to his side, smiling all goofy-like as he nuzzled into her hair. "What can I say? I'm a comical sort of guy."

Bella smiled up at him, her eyes shining and her heart warming, "Yes, you certainly are."


	168. Chapter 168

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -167-**

Bella was insanely glad that Edward had some time off. In fact, he had called the hospital and vaguely explained what had gone on and he had graciously been granted an extended leave of absence.

Their weekend was full of painting and decorating, and more than once Bella broke down in the middle of the room, sobbing and laughing and completely at a loss as to what she was feeling. Sunday night, they found themselves sitting in the now complete room, all two-toned pink and purple walls and frilly bedding. Absentmindedly, Bella fiddled with the hem of the brand new bedspread. Her mind was turning a million times a minute, flipping over scenario after scenario. She tried to picture her daughter, her little Cassie. She was six. Bella was sure by now she would have features that were dead on to either her or Edward, and she wondered just what she got from each of them. She had called Angela and asked a few questions, but Angela was rather limited with her information on Cassie. She was not a ward of the system. She was merely just temporarily put in it until they could find her guardian, meaning Bella. She did say from the meetings she had already had with her that she was a bright and smiley child. At first, of course, she was withdrawn and sad, which was to be expected. She missed her Nana and Pops. Bella found she missed them, too. She had a hard time pushing past the guilt that formed and burned within her over the loss of Carlisle and Esme. She had lost so much time, with both them, and her daughter. If she had only been strong enough? If she had only looked over the contents of the envelope...if only...

But she hadn't, and there was no turning back time. Sure, she wished she could have the moments she surely missed; Christmases full of laughter and presents around the tree, mornings filled with groggy eyes and a room surrounded in the scent of waffles and syrup, long talks on the front porch, comfort, happiness, love... but she also knew, deep down, that the way things had transpired in her life were the way they needed to be for her to grow and accept and become who she was. And, truly, she'd be more than willing to come to terms with it all if it hadn't been at the cost of Esme and Carlisle's lives. But it seemed it had, and that broke her heart to think about, to come to terms with, but she had to. She jumped off of the floor and was bolting for the front door before Edward even had a moment to figure out what was going on.

"Bella, wait, what's wrong? Where are you going?" Edward shouted, frantically scrambling to get off the floor.

Tears were already gathering in Bella's eyes when he finally caught up to her on the front porch.

He grasped her arm, pausing her quickened pace and causing her to stumble back and into him.

"Please, Edward," she whimpered, tugging her arm from his grasp. "I...I need to talk to Esme."


	169. Chapter 169

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -168-**

Edwards's eyes widened, and Bella rolled hers in response. "No, I'm not crazy," she huffed, imagining how crazy she sounded and what twisted thoughts he might have about what she said.

"I know she's not alive, but she has a grave, and...and...I just really need to talk to her. I need to thank her, and tell her how sorry I am...and...and..." Bella was all out body-heaving-crying at that point. She needed this, and she needed Edward to understand. It was the only closure she could manage, and she wanted a clean slate, a new start when Cassie came to them tomorrow.

She realized it was late, probably close to midnight by now, and the drive was not a short one, either, but she didn't see herself sleeping at all that night. So, instead of sitting up all night, driving herself mad with 'what ifs' and feeling like a total failure, she wanted to go and purge and talk and grovel at the place where Esme rested, hoping and praying that maybe, just maybe, Esme would hear somehow and know how much she meant to Bella, how much everything single thing Esme had done to protect them all in a situation that was delicate and hard, meant to her. This small thing, no matter how creepy or odd, was all Bella had to cling to.

Edward nodded, letting go of her arm. "Okay, let me grab a coat. I'll drive you."

Bella couldn't help but feel a shot of surprise, quickly followed by shame, as she watched Edward turn and retreat back into the house.

"I...I'm sorry," she started when Edward returned, but he raised his hand to stop her apology.

"Don't, Bella. Don't apologize. I know this is hard for you. I get it. It is for me, too...It just hurts when it appears you have no faith in my love, in my never-ending support. I know I bailed when you needed me the most, twice, but I have tried ever since to show you how sorry I am, that I would never do that to you again. I understand, but it still stings."

Bella threw herself into Edward, almost knocking him over. "I do, baby. That wasn't what ..._that_ was. I was just overwhelmed, and desperate, and I didn't think. I love you, and I know how deep your faith and devotion lies. Let's not lose ourselves in the past. We are beyond that now. I'm sorry if I hurt you. It wasn't my intention."

"Okay, love, okay." Edward held Bella tightly to him, and after a few minutes of warmth and comfort, they joined hands and, together, they began the drive to Forks to say goodbye to the woman who gave them the opportunity to be the parents they were not ready to be six years ago.


	170. Chapter 170

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Longest chapter yet, but didn't want to split this up, so enjoy. Oh, and keep those tissues handy.<strong>

**..**

* * *

><p><strong>TLWLW<strong>

**-169-****  
><strong>

The drive seemed long. Too long, and too quiet. But there was nothing to say, not yet anyway. There was a lot to be thought through, however. Both Bella and Edward knew this. It was an unspoken understanding of sorts. This visit, it would close doors to the past, open doors to an unknown future, and it would hurt. It already did.

Once at the cemetery, they got out of the car. Hand in hand and oblivious to their shadowed surroundings, they walked through the cemetery; Bella in a straight, determined line, pulling Edward alongside her, as if she just knew where to go, where to find them.

Freakily enough, she did. Within minutes, they had reached two rather large headstones, off to the backside of the cemetery. There was plenty of green space surrounding them, not like the others that were completely surrounded by other headstones. Bella momentarily wondered if they had purposely bought this part of the land for other graves to be added. Her thoughts were but brief, because as she took a few more steps, she found herself face to face with an intricately carved angel. Her heart stuttered in her chest as she read words that didn't even begin to describe the woman who now rested peacefully beneath its stone.

_ Esme Cullen_

_Beloved wife._

_Forever mother and grandmother__  
><em>

_In death I shall find serenity; and in that bliss, I shall wait for us to be together again._

Bella wasn't able to read the dates that followed; her eyes were flooded with tears, and she fell in a heap, almost pulling Edward down with her as she landed on her knees, her head bowed and her shoulders heaving.

Edward joined her on the damp, plush grass. He pulled her into his side and even shed a few of his own tears.

Minutes, maybe hours, maybe less, later Bella raised her head slightly. She looked at the headstone beside Esme's and as horrible as she was feeling, she was happy that Esme had Carlisle with her. She wasn't alone, and she was with the love of her life.

At that thought, she looked at Edward beside her. He was looking right back, his eyes burning with silent remorse, and she smiled as she lifted her hand and rubbed out the fine lines that were present in his forehead.

"Don't, baby," she whispered, knowing exactly what he was thinking.

Edward closed his eyes, his head nodding minutely in response to her words, and he left them closed as Bella's soft, trembling voice broke the eerie silence of the deserted cemetery.

"I didn't think this would be so hard. Actually, yeah, I probably did, but I'm stronger now, Esme, and I came, even knowing it would be hard. I know you're not here anymore, but I guess a part of me just can't let go, and I like to think you can hear me, from up there, with Carlisle. I hope you're not disappointed in me, and I hope somehow you know just how grateful I am to have had you in my life, even at the limited capacity it turned out to be. I...I only found out a few days ago about Cassie, and...and... Oh, Esme, what kind of guardian angel must you be to have done all of that? I don't have the words to express my thanks, and I know that sounds funny, but that's what it is. I am thankful I met you, grew to care for you, got to know you, and most of all, I am thankful of the fact that such an amazing woman and her equally amazing husband raised my child... and as her grandparents. I didn't expect that one. I was too weak and cowardly to open the envelope. It kind of killed me a little inside knowing how much you bent and changed things to try and accommodate the mess I was in back then, but it also reminds me that every once in a blue moon people are lucky enough to meet a true, giving, and loving soul. I was one of those lucky ones, the moment I met you. I still am.

"I...I get to meet her tomorrow. She's...she's going to come and live with us. We're finally going to be a family, and I can't lie, I'm scared beyond all reasoning. I just...keep thinking she is going to hate me, or resent me, or be angry and withdrawn- which I know is to be expected considering she lost you both and has been in foster care for a few months now, but...what if I'm a bad mom? How can I ever fill shoes so large, Esme? Is it even possible to live up to a person like you?"

Bella sat in silence for a bit, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks as she thought her words over. And then minutes later, as if in perfect clarity and possibly with some divine intervention of some sort, she heard Esme's soft voice, like a whisper on the wind or a shiver down her spine, "I have faith in you."

Bella gasped, her whole body freezing as her eyes darted around the cemetery. "What is it, Bella? Are you okay? Did you hear something?" Edward asked, his voice laced with concern at Bella's stiff posture and sudden change in behavior.

She found nothing, not that she honestly thought she would. The voice was probably just her overactive, grieving mind conjuring up what she wanted to hear. Regardless of what it was, it worked.

With a strengthened sense of faith and a sad smile on her face, she rose to her feet. Looking down at the gravesite one last time, she whispered, "Thank you, Esme. Someday, after I have completed everything in my life that needs to be done, I'll see you again. I just know it. I hate that you're gone; it feels so wrong, but I'm glad Carlisle is with you, so you're not alone. Carlisle, please take care of her."

* * *

><p>Up next... we finally meet Cassie.<p>

I would love to hear from you, even you sneaky lurkers out there :-)


	171. Chapter 171

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Yet another tissue warning...<strong>

**Episode 12**

** -TLWLW-**

** -170-**

Bella sat at the front window, her legs curled up under her, her head rested on her clamped hands, as if in prayer. She sat there the moment they returned from Esme's grave, just needing some time to think and be. She was finally able to convince Edward to go to sleep around four AM. He was currently snoring softly on the couch on the other side of the room. It was now eight in the morning. Angela was due to arrive soon, with Cassie. Bella knew she should move, take a shower, make herself somewhat presentable, but she couldn't tear her eyes off of the long drive out front of their house.

Her mind was all over the place and nowhere at all, all at the same time. Thoughts were too tumultuous and rapid, skimming, never settling long enough for her to actually make out. Her eyelids felt heavy, her eyes scratchy as she tried to blink away her fatigue. Still, both her mind and body would not allow her rest.

She was jerked out of an almost doze by the sound of a car door slamming. Her eyes burst open, tearing at the once whites, which were now surely bloodshot, of them in the process. Angela's slight form was the first thing she saw, not the car, not the road, just her old high school friend. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched, unable to move, as Angela rounded the car she had just exited and made her way to the passenger side back door.

She sucked in a sharp breath as Angela opened the door, and she almost fainted as the petite girl slid out of the car, her hand firmly grasping onto Angela's.

She was so small, but Bella was unsure what size most six year olds really were. So maybe she wasn't small at all, maybe she was an average size.

Her long hair was pulled away from her face by a bright red headband, and the curly tresses in the back bounced against her back, almost all the way to her midsection as she turned and reached into the backseat to retrieve something.

When she turned around once more, Bella got caught in liquid aqua eyes, a color she was sure she had never before seen on a person. Cassie's eyes burned brightly as they met with Bella's. Her bowtie mouth curled up slightly after a moment and Angela looked up in Bella's direction, then, smiling when she saw Bella, her face pressed against the window along with both of her palms.

* * *

><p>...<p>

I replied to many reviews this time around, but I have to send hugs out to those of you who reviewed anywho... cause your words, smiles, and ideas make me so darn happy.

LeAnn388

debslmac

neelix lee

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Naerts

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Guest- cause ur review was so sweet- but I don't know who u r.

maryannabella

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mdsngrc

JoJoSky

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iamafan10


	172. Chapter 172

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Yet another tissue warning...<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -171-**

As the two girls began walking up the drive, Bella hastily tried to maneuver her now numb legs and feet, and instead found herself face first on the hardwood floor.

She groaned at the contact, but didn't allow her tumble to slow her down. She felt a sudden urgency upon looking into her daughter's eyes, a desperate need to place her arms around the frail looking girl, to hold her close, squeeze, comfort, cherish.

"Bella, where are you going? What the fuck was that? Are you okay?" Edward's barely audible words mumbled from the other side of the room, but Bella couldn't focus on them, not completely. Her thoughts and her concentration were elsewhere and she was barely able to manage a nod as she darted for the front door, almost tripping over her now tingling feet as she went.

She stood at the front door, her hands hovering over the doorknob, her heart beating a painful, aching rhythm in her chest. She inhaled deeply, exhaled, inhaled, almost passed the fuck out when she forgot to once again exhale, but Edward's soft comforting touch and his whispered words, "Breathe, Bella," were enough to calm her and return her basic function of breathing to normal.

She turned slightly, smiling over her shoulder and whispered, "I love you," as her hand finally closed around the brass knob and turned.

What Bella was met with was something out of her most treasured dreams. Bouncing curls came barreling towards her, along with a high-pitched squeaking squeal.

"Momma," was all Bella heard as the curls and the squealing crashed into her. Tears exploded from Bella's eyes. She couldn't stop them, hadn't even anticipated them, but they were there; and with the release of them it was as if her heart filled more and more with each overflowing tear drop with an overpowering sort of love and adoration.

As her little girl, who knew who she was and apparently didn't hate her either, wrapped her arms tightly around Bella's torso, Bella slowly fell to her knees, ending up at a level closer to her daughter's, and she wrapped her arms securely around the little girl's frame. Cassie seemed content to just stay put there, and Bella was in no rush to let go either. Both were oblivious to the exchange going on between Edward and Angela. In that moment, nothing else mattered. A mother and a daughter were reunited after six years, and a bond as old as time proved to be as strong as if never once broken.


	173. Chapter 173

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>We're just gonna leave the tissue warning up here...as som of you may be more sensitive than others.<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -172-**

When Bella finally looked up, leaving her hand lingering on Cassie's shoulder, she noticed that Angela was gone and Edward was still standing behind her. The look in his eyes made her heart melt. He looked so conflicted, his eyes damp and filled with longing. Yet she could see he was trying to hold himself back.

"Bella..." at that single word, Cassie ducked behind Bella, peeking out from around her waist at Edward, curiosity and trepidation warring in her bright aqua eyes.

"Cassie, honey. I know a lot of this might be confusing to you..."

Cassie interrupted her as she bounced in her place, popping out from behind Bella in her obvious excitement.

"I'm not confused, Momma. Nana told me you'd come back as soon as you were better. And now you're here. I miss Nana and Pops, but I'm so happy in my chest to finally see you, for real see you. I mean, I saw lotsa pictures, and Nana told me all kinds of stories, but this is different, better. We're gonna be together forever and ever now, right, Momma?"

Bella's heart stuttered and slowed before picking back up and beating wildly within her tightening chest. Her baby girl was so smart and so...so... Bella couldn't even put into words what she was. Maybe perfect worked. Maybe Bella was slightly biased and awestruck. But it was obvious Cassie was rather smart for her years, an old soul, so-to-speak. Esme had gone above and beyond, and to know that she had obviously talked to Cassie about her, showed her pictures, kept her alive in her daughter's life... Well, it was almost too much to bear.


	174. Chapter 174

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>We're just gonna leave the tissue warning up here...as som of you may be more sensitive than others.<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -173-**

"Oh, baby," Bella sobbed out, re-wrapping her arms around Cassie. She held her for a moment, simply enjoying the fact and feeling of finally being able to, before she pulled back gently, looking into Cassie's wondrous eyes and whispering, "Let's go inside, get settled, then we have to talk a little bit, okay?"

Cassie nodded, once again looking up at Edward, an inquisitive look on her face, as if she was trying to figure out a really intricate puzzle; but then she just shook her head and grabbed hold of Bella's hand, tugging her towards the front door.

Bella looked up apologetically at Edward, whose eyes were now flooded with tears about to brim over. She hurt terribly seeing him this way, witnessing his pain and knowing that the actions that were happening at that moment were the cause of his pain, but she also knew they couldn't just throw him at Cassie, either. They needed to sit her down, explain to her who he was. Esme never really knew much about Edward; she wouldn't have had anything to tell Cassie about him. Bella could only imagine how much he must be tearing up inside having to hold back his affections, watching her and Cassie bond while he stood back in the shadows, witnessing but not experiencing. She knew how eager and excited he had been to finally meet his little girl. As Cassie went to walk through the doorway that had been left open in their haste to get outside earlier, Bella tentatively reached her free hand out to Edward, who still stood, gaping, his tears now freely falling and his hand grasping onto Cassie's suitcase.

His eyes darted between Bella's face and her outstretched hand, before he smiled softly, his tears never ceasing, and reached out his own hand to join hers. As a family, a family that had a lot of bumps ahead of them, a lot of learning and a lot of heartache, and a heap of happy moments, too, they walked- finally joined- into their first home together.


	175. Chapter 175

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>We're just gonna leave the tissue warning up here...as som of you may be more sensitive than others.<strong>

**-TLWLW-**

** -174-**

Bella walked Cassie into the room Edward and she had prepared. With a sense of dread she stood, waiting for Cassie's reaction. At first Bella was sure the young girl, her young girl, was not pleased at all. Her wide inquisitive eyes surveyed the room; no reaction whatsoever coming from her pursed lips nor her sparkling, aqua eyes. Bella was about to break down and cry, or maybe mumble out an apology and offer to change the room however Cassie may like it to be, but Edward grabbed her hand, stopping her before she could decide which route to take. She looked up at him, directly into his eyes. He shook his head, whispering, "Just give her a moment," and that was all it took, a minute. Before Bella could even turn around, Cassie dove into her side, her small, pale arms wrapping around Bella's waist and squeezing surprisingly tight for her size.

"Oh, I love it. This is all for me, right, Momma? All mine?"

Bella was slightly confused by her question, but assured her ownership over the room regardless.

"Of course it is, baby. All yours. We can even change things up a bit if you'd prefer, or add additional things to it, to add your very own unique touch to your new room."

Bella was hoping that offer would relieve Cassie of the tension that for some reason was lacing her bright eyes, that were now flooding with...

"Cassie, baby, what's the matter? I thought you said you liked it. Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything," Bella blubbered out, desperation and fear of rejection stinging her prominently at the sight of her daughter, finally here, finally with her, yet looking so fearful, so distraught.

Moments later, Cassie calmed down enough to talk, and when she did, Bella's heart broke in a way that left her crippled with fear and consumed with anger.

"Nothing's wrong, Momma. It's perfect. Swear. It sorta looks like my old room at Nana's house. I miss that room, but for lots of months now I had to share a room with other kids, and the boys were mean and put chocolate in my underwear drawer; and Becca said I's got no boobies like her, that until I have boobies I'm not a real girl."

_Mother fucking brats! How dare they make her little girl feel inferior and scared?_

Bella saw red, and even Edward's comforting hand on her shoulder wasn't enough to stop her from vividly imagining beating some young kids like they were little bitches.


	176. Chapter 176

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Got a couple special chapters here for y'all. I was kind of nervous writing these; it has been awhile since my head was in any place close to a six year olds. So be kind and share your thoughts.<strong>

**.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -175-**

** CassiePOV**

I was finally going to live with my Momma. The kind lady said so, and I believed her. She wouldn't lie...right?

I chewed on my fingernails again, looking at the calendar hanging by the doorway. It was Sunday. Sunday was a good day, because it meant tomorrow was Monday, and I would finally get to meet my momma for reals.

Nana and Pops showed me lotsa pictures. Well, actually, it was really only four or five, but Nana had them in all sortsa sizes. A big one on my wall in my room... I missed my room, and all my bears and dolls. I even missed my skipping rope and that annoying boy, Eric, who lived down the block who always chased me with gooey snails. I missed my Nana the mostest, though. And Pops, too. But Nana the most. Becca told me that made me a bad person, but I told Becca she was a meany. So, even though I kindsa felt like maybe I was a bad person for missing Nana more than Pops, I felt a little bit better telling Becca what I thought of her and her mean words.

"Time for bed, brat. My mom says we can stay up late tonight, but not you. So turn the light off and make yourself scarce."

I cringed back at Becca's voice, startled from my thoughts by her evil, angry words. I couldn't understand why she didn't like me. I'd been living with them now for lotsa months, and I tried so hard to get her to like me. I even made her bed in the morning, hoping that might make her smile at me. She never did, and I stopped making her bed many days ago. I was finally going home. I didn't need her to like me; I just needed my momma to love me.


	177. Chapter 177

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Got a couple special chapters here for y'all. I was kind of nervous writing these; it has been awhile since my head was in any place close to a six year olds. So be kind and share your thoughts.<strong>

**.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW- <strong>

**-176-**

** CassiePOV**

I woke up to the sound of someone banging on the bedroom door. It took me a moment to understand what I was hearing, and by the time I did, Becca was yelling.

"Answer the door, twerp. I'm trying to sleep here."

I bolted from the bed, tears hurting my eyes, and swung the door open. Mandy was on the other side of the door. "I know I didn't hear you being rude to Cassie, right, Becca?" she said as she smiled down at me. Becca only grunted in response, before turning over in her bed and facing the other way. Mandy sighed and this caused me to look up at her. "Come on, Cassie, let's get you dressed and fed, Angela will be here soon to pick you up. Your bags are already at the front door."

I squealed a little. I hads forgot. Today was Monday. Today, I would finally go home to Momma.

I put my underwear on backwards in my rush to get ready. Then, as I was trying to stuff my toothbrush in the small purple bag Mandy had given me, it fell, right into the toilet. I made a choking noise and scooped it out, putting it into the purple bag, thinking I would throw it out later.

I hoped I didn't forget when later time came.

"Do you want eggs, Cas?" I shook my head; eggs took too long. I was in a rush, didn't she know? "Cereal please," I said, my face already smooshed against the front door window.

When was Angela coming again? I think Mandy said nine, but I wasn't sure. I looked at the numbers on the clock, wishing that telling time would also tell you how much time was left before the right time, but it didn't. All it told me what that it was eight-zero-four.

What was the point of clocks again?

"Come on, Cas. Angela will be here in less than an hour. Come eat your cereal."

Well, thank you, Mandy. Less than an hour to go.

No one told me an hour was a really long time. It didn't sound too long, but it sure was.

After eating, I sat and I sat and my nose now hurt from pressing it so hard against the glass of the window. Thankfully, Becca was still sleeping. I was hoping Angela could help me leave quietly so I wouldn't have to hear Becca say mean things to me before I went to Momma. I wanted today to be happy, and me being all angry at Becca did not feel happy.

Lost in my worry, I missed the car pulling up, but hearing the door close, I jumped up and began screeching in excitement.

"Well, hello there, Miss Cassie. You sure do look excited this morning." Angela was nice enough, and she always said funny things to me, but Nana always said I wasn't a people person, that's why when people tried to talk to me I's got all shaky and hid. She said I probably got that from my momma. I hoped she was right. I hoped I gots all my stuff from my momma.


	178. Chapter 178

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Seems most of you don't seem to care for Cassie chapters. Sorry...the next few are her POV...so you may want to skip them.<strong>

**For those of you who do read, I am told a tissue warning is needed.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -177-****  
><strong>

**Cassie POV**

Angela talked a lot. The whole drive she talked. I didn't have much to say, though. I was busy thinking my own things. I wondered if Momma would be happy to see me. Nana told me Momma was in a bad place, and that is why I lived with them. I didn't really understand what she meant, and at first I was kinda scared Momma was being hurt, but Nana told me sometimes a bad place can be right where you put yourself, and that that didn't mean she was being hurt, just that she wasn't in her favorite happy place. Nana said that place was with me, and someday soon, she'd come back and finally be in her happy place. She also said Momma loved me very much and missed me every day. Sometimes, Nana would take me shopping, and I gots to buy lotsa toys and pretty clothes, because Nana said Momma had asked her to take me shopping. I always picked a purple shirt those times. Momma was wearing a purple shirt in my favorite picture of her, and I wanted to look just like Momma.

"Okay, Cassie, we're here."

My heart started doing something fast. It felt like it would pop right out of my stomach soon. I breathed deep, like Nana told me to do on my first day of school, and I felt a little better. I sure hoped Momma liked me.

When Angela opened the door for me, I wasn't sure I could do it. After all my excitement and waiting and wanting, I was now scared. So scared. But the moment the dark haired lady came out of the front door, all that changed. I knew the moment I saw her she was my momma. I would have known even if I hadn't fallen asleep every night looking at her face on my wall. She looked just like me, or I looked like her, and I smiled a tiny smile at that. Cause yeah, I had gots all my stuff from my momma after all.

There was a tall man standing behind her, but I didn't see much of him. I was staring at my momma. She was just there. So close, and real, and as I watched her I couldn't stop my feet from moving. I just had to touch her, to... I ran, and I mean I was so fast. Like, ninja fast. I fumbled up the stairs, screaming like that crazy lady that lived across the road from Mandy's, and threw my arms around her waist as I said her name in a quiet cry. I held on so tightly. She smelled so good. She felt so warm. I never wanted to let go, but she didn't let me go either. So I just held on.

Momma came down on the ground with her knees and pulled me back to her. I smelled and smelled, 'cause I never wanted to forget her smell, ever. Suddenly she pulled back, and for a second I was scared and thought she was going to send me back, but her hand stayed on my shoulder, and with it there I felt safe. She wouldn't send me away. She wouldn't. She loved me. Nana told me so.

"Bella..."


	179. Chapter 179

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Seems most of you don't seem to care for Cassie chapters. Sorry...the next few are her POV...so you may want to skip them.<strong>

**For those of you who do read, I am told a tissue warning is needed.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -178-****  
><strong>

**CassiePOV**

The man's voice startled me. I ducked behind Momma 'cause I knew she wouldn't let him hurt me, but when I peeked around Momma's waist, I didn't see a scary man. I saw a sad man. He was crying, and I kinda felt bad because he was looking at me as if I had made him sad, but I didn't know what I had done.

Momma wiggled and turned to face me. I looked up at her and was lost in her soft voice. "Cassie, honey. I know a lot of this might be confusing to you..."

What was she talking about? Nothing was confusing. Well, except the tall man. But she was my momma, and we were going to live together.

Didn't she know this?

Then I wondered if maybe she didn't. Maybe I needed to tell her?

So, I did that. I even said some stuff I hadn't planned on saying. I didn't want to talk too much.

"I'm not confused, Momma. Nana told me you'd come back as soon as you were better. And now you're here. I miss Nana and Pops, but I'm so happy in my chest to finally see you, for real see you. I mean, I saw lotsa pictures, and Nana told me all kinds of stories, but this is different, better. We're gonna be together forever and ever now, right, Momma?"

I looked down at my feet for a minute, scared. What if I said too much? Becca always said I talked too much and that I needed to learn to shut up, but Momma wouldn't say that... right?

"Oh, baby."

I'm pretty sure Momma just called me baby, and usually I wouldn't like that. Becca called me a baby sometimes, but it sounded so different coming from Momma. It made me smile.

"Let's go inside, get settled, then we have to talk a little bit, okay?" I nodded at her, finally twisting as I held onto her hand to look at the man some more. He was just standing there, holding my bag and staring at me. He had this funny look in his eyes. It sortsa reminded me of Pops and how he looked at me sometimes. It made me feel weird inside. Sortsa good weird. But then I was thinking of Pops, and I missed him again. So I looked away.

I watched as Momma held the man's hand, too. I wondered if maybe he was her boyfriend. Or something like Nana and Pops. This left me thinking, real hard thinking. Like it kinda hurt, but not really.

Things were moving around in my head. Things Nana had said to me, words and ideas and, I thought I almost had something, something that was more than just a word or two, but then Momma stopped and so did the man. We were in a room, and it was so beautiful, all pretty with a big bed and pink and teddies, and my eyes went wide when I saw the stuffy elephant laying on the pillow. I wanted to hold him. He reminded me of Snuffy. I missed Snuffy, but he was at my old, old home, and I hadn't seen him in a long time.

I wasn't sure why Momma was just standing there, watching me, but then I gots excited and thought...maybe...Oh my, it must be. This...this was for me.

"Oh, I love it. This is all for me, right, Momma? All mine?" I couldn't help the excited feeling. I missed having my own room and my own pretty things. This had to be mine. I didn't see any other little girls here.


	180. Chapter 180

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Seems most of you don't seem to care for Cassie chapters. Sorry...the next few are her POV...so you may want to skip them.<strong>

**For those of you who do read, I am told a tissue warning is needed.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -179-****  
><strong>

** Cassie POV**

"Of course it is, baby. All yours. We can even change things up a bit if you'd prefer, or add additional things to it, to add your very own unique touch to your new room."

I couldn't help the feelings that were making the tears come. I didn't want to cry. I wanted to be happy. This was supposed to be happy. But it all was a lot. I was going to have my own room again. No more mean girls, no more...

"Cassie, Baby, what's the matter? I thought you said you liked it. Tell me what I can do. I'll do anything."

I tried to answer her. I wanted to, but words were hard when I was crying. So I cried a little lot. Then when I could say something, I wanted to make sure Momma knew I wasn't crying because of her. She looked so sad, and I felt pretty...something...something that felt bad and kinda pulled at my tummy, and I had to make it better, make it happy.

"Nothing's wrong, Momma. It's perfect. Swear. It sorta looks like my old room at Nana's house. I miss that room, but for lots of months now I had to share a room with other kids, and the boys were mean and put chocolate in my underwear drawer; and Becca said I's got no boobies like her, that until I have boobies I'm not a real girl."

I felt my eyes get all big when I realized I was talking too much again. Maybe Becca was right. Maybe I needed to just stop talking altogether. And I was worried Momma would want to send me back, but then she was on the floor, on her knees, and she pulled me against her, hugging me so tight.

I didn't worry after that. This felt like a good hug.

I sighed into her shoulder, looking up at the tall man. I was curious about him. Something about him seemed familiar, and I had this need to see him smile. I bet he was really pretty when he smiled. He probably had big teeth. Pops had big teeth when he smiled, too. I liked that. It made me smile back.


	181. Chapter 181

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Seems most of you don't seem to care for Cassie chapters. Sorry...the next few are her POV...so you may want to skip them.<strong>

**For those of you who do read, I am told a tissue warning is needed.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -180-**

** Cassie POV**

Momma and the tall man helped me unpack my stuff, and after everything was in place, Momma said we should have a snack and talk about some stuff.

I was pretty hungry, but I was kinda scared, too. She kept saying we needed to talk, but what about? I hoped it was good stuff.

I ran back to the bed and grabbed my new Snuffy. Looking at him, I knew he would be my new friend. I just knew it.

With sandwiches and juice, I sat at the large table and chewed slowly, staring at the table and squeezing new Snuffy real tight. Momma and the tall man were looking at me, then at each other, then at me, and it felt all strange and stuff.

"Cassie, honey. I...I can't even begin to tell you how much I have missed you, or how happy I am that...Nana has kept me alive in your life. I promise, now that you are here, I will spend the rest of my life making up for the years of yours I missed. Do you understand what I am saying?"

I nodded. I did. She missed me. I missed her, too. We was going to be together forever now.

"Good...good..." Momma was mumbling now, and I couldn't help but look up and giggle at her. She looked so funny looking one way and murmuring and then the other.

When her eyes met mine, I could see they were wet. I frowned at that. I didn't want her sad.

"Cassie, this..." Momma put her hand on top of the tall man's. I watched a small smile spread on his face, and yeah, I was right, all big teeth just like Pops. "This is my husband, Edward..."

I almost choked on my sandwich. My breathing got all quick and my fingers twitched when Momma said his name.

"Cassie, are you okay?" Momma sounded worried. I nodded, not able to look at her.

I knew this man. I had never seen him, but Nana told me someday I might.

She couldn't tell me much about him, but she did tell me that he loved me very much and that he was a good man, and that his name was Edward.

I could see it. His eyes were just like mine. His smile looked like mine when I laughed real hard. It was him. Edward wasn't Edward. He wasn't Momma's husband. He was my daddy.

Hot, wet filled my eyes, and I started to cry. I wanted so much to just jump over the table, fold myself up in his arms. He looked so strong. I bet he could always keep me safe. I hoped he would.

My sandwich was now just sitting on my plate, and I looked at it as the hiccupys started real hard and my tears fell one at a time onto my food.

My whole tummy moved around while I cried. It felt like my body was moving with the want I felt, and as I cried I softly said his name, his real name, just to see how it would sound to hear me saying it.

"Daddy."


	182. Chapter 182

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Kristen and Sherry (Koshivuh and banshee69) picked through this with me. They are two absolutely amazing girls, and I am so blessed to be able to call them my red sharpies and voices of reason but, most of all, my friends. xx<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Seems most of you don't seem to care for Cassie chapters. Sorry...the next few are her POV...so you may want to skip them.<strong>

**For those of you who do read, I am told a tissue warning is needed.**

* * *

><p><strong>-TLWLW-<strong>

** -181-**

** Cassie POV**

Loud gasps startled me. I looked up and saw Momma and Daddy staring at me. Their mouths were both open, and Daddy was now crying real hard. Momma too.

What had I done?

I looked towards the door. I wanted to run. Go to my room and hide. I pushed my chair back, not once looking at either Momma or Daddy again, but it stopped suddenly. I looked behind me, and he was there. Daddy. And he was smiling and crying, but now he didn't look sad, or mad; he looked sortsa... happy.

"Baby girl. Oh my baby girl," I heard Daddy say. He...he was calling me. His arms reached forward. I didn't want to wait anymore. I got out of my chair and jumped at him.

I started crying, too, when he pulled me up in his arms. He did feel safe, and strong, and he smelled just like I always thought my daddy should. This felt perfect.

When everyone stopped crying, Daddy pulled back a little; he didn't let me go, but he looked in my eyes. "I love you, Cassie, so much. So does your momma. We want to be a family. Is...is that something you might want?"

I nodded, hard and fast. Of course it was. I still missed Nana and Pops, but I was so happy now that I had Momma and Daddy. I was sure when Nana told me that one day I'd have the family she always told me bedtime stories about, this was just what she had in mind.

* * *

><p>This is where I ended this fic. However, I did write some future takes. Is anyone out there still reading? And if so, are you even interested in them?<p>

Either way, I cannot thank the lovely ladies who have read, reviewed, supported, stuck with me, re-joined me, and kept me smiling while attempting to put even the smallest amount of faith back into FF and the people on this site and who run this site.

I love you all. Maybe not the kind of love I share for my family or closest of friends, but the ind of love that is blind and slow building. Through your reviews, shared stories, and kind words, I have learned pieces of the people you all are, and I am one lucky gal to have the people reading this fic be the ones that are. You are all truly wonderful. Never forget how amazing you are.

*Tackle hugs and soft smiles for you all*


	183. Chapter 183

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>Dedication: <strong>The sweet Katalina asked me to write this for her. So, here it is. The next few chapters are brought to you because of her.

Hope you enjoy it; my thoughts are with her family, always. xx

** TLWLW**

** -182-**

** Bella~**

** ~Eight months later~**

If someone had told Bella just a few years ago that her life would be as close to perfect as possible one day, she would have laughed in their face, maybe even kicked them for giving her such false hope.

But they would have been right.

She had Edward, and even though they still fought, still disagreed at times, they always went to bed knowing they loved each other. It was a rule in their home, of sorts. Never go to bed angry. And they hadn't, not once.

They had once argued about which school Cassie should attend, and heated it was. Edward wanted her in a prestige, private school. Bella worried something like that would make her grow up feeling as if she were better than others. She wanted her to have a real childhood, to experience everything the real world had to offer, the life Esme and Carlisle would have wanted for her, too. In a haze of hurt and grievance, she lashed out at him, not understanding why he couldn't see what was truly best for Cassie.

By three am that next morning, they were both in tears, apologizing and offering the other what they wanted. In the end, they gave Cassie the choice, which is what they should have done in the first place; but heated emotions and stubborn opinions sure have a way of ruling people. They were only human, after all.

* * *

><p>A huge round of thank yous and such will be out at some point today. But please know, all of you who have reviewed have made this journey with me, because without you, I would just be writing, never sharing, never knowing, and never growing. U gals mean the world to me.<p>

xxx


	184. Chapter 184

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>TLWLW<strong>

** -183-**

** Bella~**

-OoOoO-

"Come on, Cas. We're going to be late," Bella called, chuckling as her beautiful daughter bounced down the stairs, her curls bouncing right along with her feet.

She was a ball of excitement, while Bella was a ball of nerves.

"You look beautiful, baby," Bella whispered as she pulled her daughter into her arms, holding her close, never once allowing herself to forget how lucky she was to be able to do such a thing.

"Not as beautiful as you, Momma."

Bella chuckled at that. She truly felt beautiful; for the first time in a very long time everything fell into place, including Bella's perception of herself.

The path to self-acceptance had been a long and painful one; but with a shit ton of counseling and a supportive husband, a sweet daughter and some of the best friends a girl could ask for, along with a massive amount of self-discovery, Bella worked through her guilt, looked past her mistakes, accepted them, and she knew, without a doubt, she was a better person because of that.

"Hurry up, Momma. We don't want to leave Daddy waiting."

No, no they didn't.

Bella smiled and held out her hand for Cassie.

On the drive to the cemetery, Bella couldn't help but wonder how many people would think they were nuts.

They might even be right.

But she liked their brand of nuts. It worked for them, and this was something that made sense to her, something they should have been able to do the first time. They wanted everyone who they loved with them, everyone who helped them find their way, molded them into the people, the family they were, to share in their happiness.

As they pulled up to the cemetery, Bella gasped audibly.

"Auntie Alice made it so beautiful," Cassie whispered in awe. Bella could only nod. She sure had.

Maybe their family joining ceremony wouldn't seem so creepy at a place like this, after all.


	185. Chapter 185

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>TLWLW<strong>

** -184-**

** Bella~**

-OoO-

Bella smiled brightly as she made her way down the aisle, Jake once again at her side, but this time, her daughter preceded her, tossing dainty petals in the air and giggling as she went. By law, Edward and she were already married. But, after some long talks, they decided there were important people in their lives absent on that occasion, and that they both wanted to re-share that joy, this time with a complete family, renewed hopes and dreams, and a clean slate.

-OoOoO-

After their vows, Bella and Edward had something extra special planned, and Bella's smile split wide as the minster motioned for Cassie to join them.

"It is the desire of Bella and Edward to extend their commitments to each other by making some promises to their daughter, Cassie. As you all join hands to form a new circle of love, we will seal this union with spoken promises like the rings this bride and groom have exchanged.

"Do you, Bella and Edward, promise to be faithful, loving, tender, and nurturing parents, always there for Cassie's needs, not only providing her physical needs, but her emotional needs as well."

**"**We do."

"Now, the bride and groom have written their own vows." The minister nodded his head in Edward's direction.

He gulped and closed his eyes for a moment before looking directly at Bella, into her eyes, then took a deep breath.

"Cassie, I want you to know that I love your mother very much. I will not and cannot replace Pops in your life. However, I can promise you that I will love you and care for you now that you are here with us. I promise to be a committed listener. I promise you my trust, to be fair, my support, what knowledge I can share, to be your friend, and to provide a shoulder to cry on. I promise to be available to you from this day forward and to never miss another single moment in your life. I promise to be the best dad I can be, a dad you have always deserved."

Bella watched, with tears glistening, then spilling down her cheeks as Cassie threw herself into Edward's arms. "I love you, Daddy. You're the best daddy ever."

Cassie was one of the few people in the world that could make Edward come undone, and now was one of those moments. His own eyes sparkled in the rare Forks sun as he held his daughter tight to him, whispering, "I love you, too, baby girl," as he stroked her long mane of hair.


	186. Chapter 186

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

* * *

><p><strong>TLWLW<strong>

** -185-**

** Bella~**

The minster clearing his throat caught Edward's attention. He smiled, not wanting to be rude, but the ceremony needed to continue.

"I think Mommy has something to say to you, as well, Cas," Edward said in a hushed tone as he slowly lowered Cassie back on her feet.

As Cassie swiped at her eyes, Bella's heart flooded with emotions and her voice caught slightly in her throat. "Cas, I want you to know that I love your father so very much. I know I can't replace Nana in your life, and I, too, wish she were here with us," Bella paused and looked to her right, where Esme and Carlisle's gravestones stood. She smiled softly, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they were truly there with them on this day before she continued, "She was an amazing woman with such a great strength and the capability to love so unconditionally. She did an amazing job of taking care of you while I couldn't, and I can never express my gratitude and admiration for everything she did, with, and without everyone being in the know. However, I can promise you that we will always be together from here on out. I will do everything in my power and beyond to make sure you are always happy, loved, cared for, and cherished. I promise to listen to you when you need or want to talk. I promise you my friendship and loyalty, my compassion and advice. I promise you the kind of home every little girl should have. I give you my forever, and can only pray that one day you can forgive me for missing the first few years of your life."

"Momma, don't cry." Cassie wrapped her arms around Bella's waist and squeezed. The little girl's eyes were damp and her lip was quivering. She was smart for her age, and hated being talked down to. She was glad her parents used big girl words during their surprise vows; she was surprised by the vows themselves. She just wished she could show them somehow that she wasn't mad at them. Nana helped her understand that Mom and Daddy were sick and unable to take care of her. She forgave them before they even asked for it.

Cassie pulled back and looked towards the minister, "Is it okay if I say something, too?" she asked shyly, suddenly wondering if this was her bestest idea. Everyone was there: Grandma and Grandpa, Auntie Alice and Uncle Jasper, Aunt Rose, Uncle Emmett, Jake and Leah.

Her eyes darted around, from one familiar face to the other; and as each face she passed smiled or nodded in encouragement, she knew this was a safe place to say the things she needed her momma and daddy to understand.

She took a shaky breath and looked up at them. "Momma, Daddy, these last few months living with you have been some of my best. I miss Nana and Pops all the time. Sometimes I even still cry when I think of them, but most of the time I don't. Because, they were happy when I was with them, and they are still together, up there, in heaven. So, that's kind of okay. At least they have each other. And now I have you both, and Nana was so very right. You are the bestest momma ever; and, Daddy, you're just as handsome as Nana said you were. At night, when I wake up and need someone to talk to because my head is kind of confused, you don't get mad when I wake you up. Instead, you smile all sleepy-like and take my hand. Downstairs, in our special blankie, we talk until I am too sleepy to talk anymore. Then you carry me to bed. Yeah, I'm not fully asleep when you do, but I don't want you to know I'm awake because I like when you carry me and tuck me into bed, and kiss my cheek and tell me I'm your forever girl. And now….now, you are giving me the greatest gift ever. I get a little brother to share stories with and chase out of my room when he touches my dolls. I don't want you to think anymore that I might be upset with you. I'm not. I just love you. And loving you both makes me the happiest girl here."

Bella could no longer see her little girl, who apparently wasn't so little anymore. She was so smart, her wisdom far beyond her mere years alive. She wrapped her hand protectively around her swollen stomach and reached blindly with the other, wanting to just hold her, no words needed anymore. She understood what Cassie was saying; it was time to let go of that last piece of guilt that both she and Edward carried with them. It was time to live for today, not yesterday.

* * *

><p>All of you still reviewing, you warm my heart and my fingers...lol<p>

There is 1 more chapter to go.


	187. Chapter 187

****Disclaimer - I do not own any original Twilight characters. I just like to play with them. All other parts to this story are the property of KF Goodyear, so please don't steal.****

****This is it- the last chapter :-( Sniffles...****

****You ladies have been absolutely fabulous and so understanding, supportive, just plain amazing and I cannot thank y'all enough. I am truly blessed to have you in my life.****

****I will start posting another fic very shortly. Sooooo...if you are interested in reading something different from me, be sure to alert me.****

****xx****

**-186-**

** Bella~**

~~OoO~~

"Carlisle James Masen, get your butt down here right now and give me my dolls back." Bella bolted up the stairs at the sound of Cassie's shrill voice. This fight seemed never-ending between the two of them. Carlisle would go into Cassie's room when she wasn't looking, snatch up one of Cassie's porcelain dolls, then stand on her desk and make goo-goo faces and sounds with the doll.

He seemed to get much joy out of his sister's tantrums.

As she rounded the corner, there was Cassie, in full out tantrum mode with her hands on her hips and her left foot tapping rapidly against the floor.

"I'm going to give you to the count of ten, then I'm going to go and put your GI Joe in the toilet."

Bella held back a chuckle as she heard Carlisle gasp, "You wouldn't!"

Cassie, true to her snarky ways, smirked, "Oh, but I would."

Carlisle made a squealing noise and jumped down from the desk, gently placing the doll in Cassie's waiting hands, before he darted from her room, almost taking Bella down with him as he flew past.

"Hey, Mom. Gotta go, Mom."

Cassie turned towards the door, smiling as she saw her mom leaning in the doorway.

"You know I wouldn't flush his action figures, right?"

Bella nodded.

She knew Cassie wouldn't. She was far too nice to do something that would cause her brother such distress, and that boy sure was attached to those plastic figurine characters.

"But it sure is fun making him squirm like that," Cassie continued. Bella smiled back before stepping into the room and taking the doll from her daughter's hands.

"This is one of the ones from Nana, right?" she asked softly.

Cassie nodded softly, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

"She'd be so proud of you, baby Girl. So proud, and I know she's always watching. I just know."

"Thanks, Mom," Cassie sniffed as she gave her a one-armed hug. "I should put this up higher. It would really hurt if Carlisle accidentally broke it."

"I have a better idea. How about we go down to the mall and buy some display boxes for the older dolls, huh?"

Cassie smiled brightly before placing the doll safely back on its shelf. "I think that's a good idea, Mom. Thanks."

"K, get ready. I'll get your brother and meet you downstairs."

Once in the hallway, Bella pulled out her cell phone and dialed Edward's number. He answered after the second ring.

"How's my beautiful girl doing?" She still blushed when he said things like that. No amount of time would ever find her tired of his sweet nothings and loving words.

"I'm good, babe. I'm just about to take the kids down to the mall to get a few things. Do you want to meet us there? I have something I want to share with you all."

"Is everything okay?"

Bella smirked and rubbed at her stomach. It sure was, but that didn't stop her from being nervous. Not one bit. The doctor had told her after having Carlisle that having another baby would be even more difficult. He actually encouraged her to abort the pregnancy, fearing she wouldn't make it past the first term. That was why she had waited until she was four months pregnant to tell the kids and Edward.

She felt kind of shitty for keeping something like that from them, especially Edward, but she had her sneaky suspicions that he already knew.

"Yeah, I just want to share some news with my family. Maybe we could go to dinner at that small restaurant right out front of the mall, and we can talk over dinner?"

Edward chuckled softly, gaining Bella's attention, and curiosity. "Alright, Bella, that sounds good. I'll be at the mall in thirty minutes, then you can tell me and the kids over dinner that we're having another baby. See you soon, my love."

Bella gasped and stared at the phone in her hands.

That sneaky bugger. So she hadn't been dreaming the other night when she thought she heard Edward talking all baby-like; he had been talking to her stomach.

** A/N**

** I hope you enjoyed that lil glimpse into their future.**

This was written to help support SU4K. I hope most of you did, thus already having read this. It is a great cause started because of a beautiful person.

** Alright, ladies, one last time, or for some of you the first time, make me smile, lemme hear from you :-)**

**I'm hitting ' complete' right...now- sniffles some more.**


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